Redacted Innocence
Tell me you know the truth27 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
John, this is a compelling story. Your writing is excellent, with detail and emotions coming from almost every line. The presentation and font, color choice, etc... enhance the dark themes and setting. The redactions are a brilliant idea.
The only suggestion I have is that I would have liked to know why he was in prison. It most likely doesn't change the story much, but I might have had more or less empathy for him. He admits bad choices, but said he was innocent. Food for thought. Well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2024
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John, this is a compelling story. Your writing is excellent, with detail and emotions coming from almost every line. The presentation and font, color choice, etc... enhance the dark themes and setting. The redactions are a brilliant idea.
The only suggestion I have is that I would have liked to know why he was in prison. It most likely doesn't change the story much, but I might have had more or less empathy for him. He admits bad choices, but said he was innocent. Food for thought. Well done. Terry.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Terry, for the great review and for going back to read it. I appreciate that. Yes, the fact that he's innocent and what he did is up for interpretation. I deleted what he did because it bogged down the piece and wasn't crucial to the theme.
Thanks again, Terry!
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That's interesting that you orginally had it there.
Comment from Thesis
I haven't read a piece like this in a long time. I like how you crafted the letter. It showed a bevy of emotions through Henry's words. Highlighting the isolationism he felt and the longing to not be forgotten, while interjecting his feelings on why he got there and his concern for his mother's health, showed that after all he's been through, he still could care for another.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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I haven't read a piece like this in a long time. I like how you crafted the letter. It showed a bevy of emotions through Henry's words. Highlighting the isolationism he felt and the longing to not be forgotten, while interjecting his feelings on why he got there and his concern for his mother's health, showed that after all he's been through, he still could care for another.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Thesis, for the great review and inspiring words. It's always good to hear from you.
Comment from BethShelby
This gives an inside look at what it must feel like to be in prison. The guy says he is innocent bur ir sounds like he feels he deserves to be there. He doesn't give any indicarion he will ever be out. All he wants is a letter from his mother. She apparently can bear to read his letters and is using alchohal as a way to cope. It is a hopeless seeming situation.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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This gives an inside look at what it must feel like to be in prison. The guy says he is innocent bur ir sounds like he feels he deserves to be there. He doesn't give any indicarion he will ever be out. All he wants is a letter from his mother. She apparently can bear to read his letters and is using alchohal as a way to cope. It is a hopeless seeming situation.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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Beth, thank you for the great review. Your words are always welcome and inspiring. Thanks again!
Comment from prettybluebirds
You have done an excellent job with this unique writing. It puts the reader into the mind of an inmate and how he may think and feel. I think you have done a superb job with this writing.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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You have done an excellent job with this unique writing. It puts the reader into the mind of an inmate and how he may think and feel. I think you have done a superb job with this writing.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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Thank you, pbb for the great review and encouraging words. I hope all is well!
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a truly amazing work of art. Your compassion for people trapped within a system that can turn one into a cog in a wheel shines through brilliantly. There is indeed a "prison class" of people. Those who will be in and out of the system for a lifetime to satisfy the "ruling class" and to provide jobs for the "justice class".
It all fits together as you say like a kaleidoscope where nothing matches up, but the patterns are pretty to look at as long as you aren't inside of it.
This is just terrific and something to consider sending to the New Yorker magazine as a fiction write.
Enjoyed every word, and no, the redactions were not a distraction for me.
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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This is a truly amazing work of art. Your compassion for people trapped within a system that can turn one into a cog in a wheel shines through brilliantly. There is indeed a "prison class" of people. Those who will be in and out of the system for a lifetime to satisfy the "ruling class" and to provide jobs for the "justice class".
It all fits together as you say like a kaleidoscope where nothing matches up, but the patterns are pretty to look at as long as you aren't inside of it.
This is just terrific and something to consider sending to the New Yorker magazine as a fiction write.
Enjoyed every word, and no, the redactions were not a distraction for me.
Gloria
Comment Written 15-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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Gloria, thank you so much for the great review and the six stars! I'm happy the redactions didn't bother you.
As far as sending it to the New Yorker, I'm going to consider your advice strongly. What would I have to lose? Thank you for encouraging me with that extra step and suggestion. I'll keep you posted on the outcome if I submit it. Thanks again.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, John!
Oh my goodness!
What an incredibly realistic and moving work.
I read your offering twice: once as is; once just the redacted parts. I loved both parts and when presented all together. No, the redacted parts were not a distraction.
Your writing is believable and flows very well = placing the reader right in the action and narration of "Hen."
Very powerful.
A work that will remain in my memory for a long time, John...
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Hello, John!
Oh my goodness!
What an incredibly realistic and moving work.
I read your offering twice: once as is; once just the redacted parts. I loved both parts and when presented all together. No, the redacted parts were not a distraction.
Your writing is believable and flows very well = placing the reader right in the action and narration of "Hen."
Very powerful.
A work that will remain in my memory for a long time, John...
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 14-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Diane, for the great review. I'm happy you didn't find the redactions a distraction. There were a few that had reservations, and that's okay. Everyone was exceptionally kind in their opposition. Lol. Thank you again, my friend.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I can imagine how hard it must be for an innocent man to be sentenced to prison for years. How awful that must be. And there are many in prisons everywhere who shouldn't be. I think I'd die. This was such a real story, I could visualise the man hoping to hear from his mother. And what about her feelings? Mums can't begin to imagine the child they brought up is now in prison. I wonder if she feels a bit of unwarrented guilt that she'd done something wrong. This is so well written, John, you would have had a six had I got one to give you. Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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I can imagine how hard it must be for an innocent man to be sentenced to prison for years. How awful that must be. And there are many in prisons everywhere who shouldn't be. I think I'd die. This was such a real story, I could visualise the man hoping to hear from his mother. And what about her feelings? Mums can't begin to imagine the child they brought up is now in prison. I wonder if she feels a bit of unwarrented guilt that she'd done something wrong. This is so well written, John, you would have had a six had I got one to give you. Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment Written 14-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Sandra! Like I said to others, so many innocent people are incarcerated because of a broken system. The awful part is they've already spent a good portion of their lives there before or if ever they're found innocent. Thank you again for the great review and the honorable mention of the six.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
This made me cry. Everything we do we have to do with love and kindness because we never know what someone is going through and where they might be in life. I feel for everyone in this letter. The mother, son, daughter, and even other inmates. You conform to your environment. I know I did growing up and it was a completely different environment. But you learn to survive, however, that might look like.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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This made me cry. Everything we do we have to do with love and kindness because we never know what someone is going through and where they might be in life. I feel for everyone in this letter. The mother, son, daughter, and even other inmates. You conform to your environment. I know I did growing up and it was a completely different environment. But you learn to survive, however, that might look like.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Thank you for this great review, EL! And for the Six!
I'm happy you enjoyed it. You are so right about being kind to others in life. You never know. Thanks again.
Comment from Lisasview
Oh my goodness John...reading this makes me feel that you have been in prison??
Having a difficult time reviewing this... I of course think it is a brilliant write... because I felt the impact of all your lines and redacted words...
Even the part about the mother being a drunk was great because it somehow makes the reader feel that this person in jail grew up in a difficult situation...
Lisa, still thinking about your words...
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Oh my goodness John...reading this makes me feel that you have been in prison??
Having a difficult time reviewing this... I of course think it is a brilliant write... because I felt the impact of all your lines and redacted words...
Even the part about the mother being a drunk was great because it somehow makes the reader feel that this person in jail grew up in a difficult situation...
Lisa, still thinking about your words...
Comment Written 14-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Lisa, thank you for this great review and comments. Yes, the mother character set the stage for this piece. I'm pleased it made you ponder, but it is purely fictional. It's more of an awareness piece as there are so many innocent men and women jailed because of a broken system.
Comment from nomi338
If this is only a figment of your imagination, it is scary real. If it is in fact a factual account, it can and probably should serve as a wakeup call to anyone who needs to get their life together, and choose a different, better path. The sense of desperate isolation of someone locked up and away, who too late comes to realize that they have taken the wrong path and desperately desires to return to yesterday, is palpable. Awesome write.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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If this is only a figment of your imagination, it is scary real. If it is in fact a factual account, it can and probably should serve as a wakeup call to anyone who needs to get their life together, and choose a different, better path. The sense of desperate isolation of someone locked up and away, who too late comes to realize that they have taken the wrong path and desperately desires to return to yesterday, is palpable. Awesome write.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2024
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Nomi! Thank you for the Six and the words of wisdom for this piece. I'm happy you enjoyed this one! Thank you again, my friend.
