Missing in Walmart
One never knows what might turn up in Walmart.30 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
Ciao poet! you now have 14 votes.
We are far too distracted when out and about.. it's pathetic how we can't live without our mobiles and other electronic device ( fitness watch) even when we are outdoors.
PS: I don think that just a flyer on the glass was enough, there is already so much plastered on them...I think handing out leaflets would have been more effective.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Ciao poet! you now have 14 votes.
We are far too distracted when out and about.. it's pathetic how we can't live without our mobiles and other electronic device ( fitness watch) even when we are outdoors.
PS: I don think that just a flyer on the glass was enough, there is already so much plastered on them...I think handing out leaflets would have been more effective.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Yes dearest Tempest, I agree but for the sake of my story there was only the flyer... Maybe at another time someone passed out leaflets... but then the woman would have known and perhaps thought that the eyes are that of a child...
Of course in real life we would hope there would be a good search....
Thank you for always being on top of reading and reviewing...
Wow 14 votes... Thank you so much...Wonder how you found this as it is Blind?
And, yes you hit it on the nail!! We are all way to involved with ourselves to really look around to see what is going on...
Thank you
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The topic is current ..it is a serious issue
We are far too dependent on our electronic devices that we miss what's going on around us.
The flow was smooth keeping me engaged to the end.
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PS. Some most probably did read the flyers and what about the staff members??
They didn't see what you saw .
Also, I think to obtain success often there needs to be a margin of luck.
Comment from tfawcus
I remember reading this the other day but didn't get around to reviewing it. 10,000 steps! I'm lucky to manage 7000! Maybe I'm a tad older than your fictional Good Samaritan.
I thought the dialogue in this was good, and the story built well to its climax.
One punctuation suggestion: Thank God! If it had not been for you, who knows how long it might have been
This a good story. I hope it did well in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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I remember reading this the other day but didn't get around to reviewing it. 10,000 steps! I'm lucky to manage 7000! Maybe I'm a tad older than your fictional Good Samaritan.
I thought the dialogue in this was good, and the story built well to its climax.
One punctuation suggestion: Thank God! If it had not been for you, who knows how long it might have been
This a good story. I hope it did well in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and always insightful review...and for helping with punctuation... I really appreciate it Tony.
Another day left in the contest...
All for fun...but fingers crossed just the same.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Missing in Walmart, makes its point of not paying attention to more important things around us as we get so absorbed with our own lives. ...............
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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This story, Missing in Walmart, makes its point of not paying attention to more important things around us as we get so absorbed with our own lives. ...............
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Glad you liked my thoughts in my story dear Bill...Hoping things are better now....
Comment from Daylily
This is an excellent slice-of-life story that reads like a true autobiography. If I had not read at the top that it was fiction, I would not have known it. Best wishes in the contest, Mystery Writer. I am sorry I do not have any sixes left as it is very deserving.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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This is an excellent slice-of-life story that reads like a true autobiography. If I had not read at the top that it was fiction, I would not have known it. Best wishes in the contest, Mystery Writer. I am sorry I do not have any sixes left as it is very deserving.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much dear Lily... Only my second or third "stab" at writing a story so I really appreciate that you felt it was good.
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Today the v.... started... Lisa thank you for your support..glad you enjoyed my story...Felt true when I wrote it...
Lisa
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Kind of reminiscent of "Where the Heart is" the 2000 movie with Natalie Portman hiding out in the Walmart store. It is possible it could happen. But a bunch of negligent things would have to happen first. People are still plenty dumb. You told it in a clear way. Good luck with the contest. Karen
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Kind of reminiscent of "Where the Heart is" the 2000 movie with Natalie Portman hiding out in the Walmart store. It is possible it could happen. But a bunch of negligent things would have to happen first. People are still plenty dumb. You told it in a clear way. Good luck with the contest. Karen
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you dear Karen.... I need to find that movie to watch... Sounds like it was a good one...maybe a thriller...my most favourite of all movies...
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for really good suspense movies watch" Charade" 1964 and "Wait Until Dark" 1967 both with Audrey Hepburn.:-)
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Yes, I remember them both... I loved those movies...
Lisa
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I love old movies, where we used our brains. Alfred Hitchcock was great at it. Karen
Comment from Bob Schatz
Cute story. I wasn't expecting the ending. That's what you get for exercising. Glad he turned up. What was the purpose of RV set up? I was trying to figure out how that played into the story.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Cute story. I wasn't expecting the ending. That's what you get for exercising. Glad he turned up. What was the purpose of RV set up? I was trying to figure out how that played into the story.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Good morning... Well, we know that for a fact people who live in RV's and use Walmart and other such places to park over night use Walmart early in the morning to exercise.
Years ago Bob and I had a small RV and that is what we did... (of course we did not live in the RV, it was just for vacationing...There were loads of people walking inside the store... Also, many will use indoor shopping malls.
Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Mia Twysted
A very life-like story. It shows that we can get so caught up in what we are doing that we fail to see what is truly going on around us. To think of what could have happened if the wrong kind of person found the poor child.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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A very life-like story. It shows that we can get so caught up in what we are doing that we fail to see what is truly going on around us. To think of what could have happened if the wrong kind of person found the poor child.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Fabulous review dearest Mia... I so appreciate it...
Thank you so much...
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. This story was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. This is very good writing. Good luck with the contest.
I extended my hand and whispered. "Are you hungry? (whispered,)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. This story was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. This is very good writing. Good luck with the contest.
I extended my hand and whispered. "Are you hungry? (whispered,)
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you dearest Barbara... I appreciate your kind words and the help with the word!
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Just realised you were talking about the comma after whispered... I really appreciate that you are such a good editor.
Comment from Michael Cassar
A child in a tomato stand. Well written story combining the stress of Apple's fitness demands with the call of keeping guard for the young shoppers. A genuine story. As an former administrator of child welfare agency I understand the child's fear and his hope you were the bridge which help him reunite with his mother. You know should feel very proud. Your "eyes" curiosity reunited a child with his parent. Walmart should have posted your picture as Shopper of the Year
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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A child in a tomato stand. Well written story combining the stress of Apple's fitness demands with the call of keeping guard for the young shoppers. A genuine story. As an former administrator of child welfare agency I understand the child's fear and his hope you were the bridge which help him reunite with his mother. You know should feel very proud. Your "eyes" curiosity reunited a child with his parent. Walmart should have posted your picture as Shopper of the Year
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Hi Michael,
I think tis is probably the very first review I have gotten from you???
I really appreciate it that you read and reviewed my story.
Of course as true as it seems to be this is fiction for a fiction contest... which will be judged by the Fan Story committee...
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Placed hundreds of children in NYC who were ?lost? in supermarkets and department store
Comment from Deborah Dybowski
Your story held my interest and I wanted to keep on reading to find out what was going to happen. While reading, it sounded like a true story,
because one can never know what can happen in Walmart. I remember the days when they would announce a "blue light special in aisle 5," and
everyone in the store would hurry in that direction. It was fun to be in
there when that happened. Sounds like a good place to get in your steps.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Your story held my interest and I wanted to keep on reading to find out what was going to happen. While reading, it sounded like a true story,
because one can never know what can happen in Walmart. I remember the days when they would announce a "blue light special in aisle 5," and
everyone in the store would hurry in that direction. It was fun to be in
there when that happened. Sounds like a good place to get in your steps.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Felt so real while I was writing it...
Than you so much Deborah...
