thoughts and feelings in poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Talking with Mom"poems reflecting my thoughts and feelings
33 total reviews
Comment from Boogienights
I have also dreamed of my mom, often she is as she once was, and offers me words of comfort. You must have been very close to you mom, like l was. I welcome these visits. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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I have also dreamed of my mom, often she is as she once was, and offers me words of comfort. You must have been very close to you mom, like l was. I welcome these visits. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review. I do appreciate it. We were close. Other than my husband, She was my best friend. We spent so much time together. Hope you have a great day.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is such a sweet story and an experience that we would all like to have! Your rhyming free verse reads smoothly and in a colloquial and meaningful way with a delightful ending. 5th line from the bottom - "My brother and nephew (were) there by his side." And a space between 'Jesus' and 'And.' In fact, to enhance fluency. I wouldn't make it a separate sentence. But well done on this enjoyable read and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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This is such a sweet story and an experience that we would all like to have! Your rhyming free verse reads smoothly and in a colloquial and meaningful way with a delightful ending. 5th line from the bottom - "My brother and nephew (were) there by his side." And a space between 'Jesus' and 'And.' In fact, to enhance fluency. I wouldn't make it a separate sentence. But well done on this enjoyable read and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you for you review and thoughtful comments. I did go and make corrections. Thank you.
Comment from QC Poet
You are lucky you remember your dreams I seem only to be able to remember very few of mine my wife also has them but my mother in law was in a coma and the doctor said her brain activity was gone from her stroke she had my wife is the eldest daughter and had to make that difficult decision along with her younger sisters. I noticed in paragraph ten about your brother and nephew the line says wee there am understandable over sight because this emotional writing is always a difficult thing. God's Blessing to you and your Family
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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You are lucky you remember your dreams I seem only to be able to remember very few of mine my wife also has them but my mother in law was in a coma and the doctor said her brain activity was gone from her stroke she had my wife is the eldest daughter and had to make that difficult decision along with her younger sisters. I noticed in paragraph ten about your brother and nephew the line says wee there am understandable over sight because this emotional writing is always a difficult thing. God's Blessing to you and your Family
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review and kind words i really do appreciate it. I did go back and make the corrections thank you. I very seldom remember my dreams. My husband says I dream every night because I talk in my sleep.
Comment from Begin Again
Good morning - What a beautiful thought to be able to have one last conversation with your mom. I, too, lost both my parents in 2017 but it was my mom who I had long daily conversations with. I miss her so much and wish there was a phone to heaven. How grand that would be.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Good morning - What a beautiful thought to be able to have one last conversation with your mom. I, too, lost both my parents in 2017 but it was my mom who I had long daily conversations with. I miss her so much and wish there was a phone to heaven. How grand that would be.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Good morning, Carol, thank you for your review, I do appreciate it. I also wish heaven had phones. Both of my parents are there. I hope you have a great day
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Have a great day, too!
Comment from Lisasview
Good morning,
No one ever stops missing their mom.... It is so difficult as we want to tell her something but she is not there.
May I suggest an image that goes well with your thoughts? Maybe a photo of your sweet Mom?
Also, you need a space after your ? in your second line and a space after your comma in your 3rd line...
there are several more that do need a space after the punctuation that you could easily fix by going back into edit...
I do not want to offend you... just want to be helpful,
Lisasview
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Good morning,
No one ever stops missing their mom.... It is so difficult as we want to tell her something but she is not there.
May I suggest an image that goes well with your thoughts? Maybe a photo of your sweet Mom?
Also, you need a space after your ? in your second line and a space after your comma in your 3rd line...
there are several more that do need a space after the punctuation that you could easily fix by going back into edit...
I do not want to offend you... just want to be helpful,
Lisasview
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review and helpful comments. I will go edit it and make the corrections. I appreciate your advice. Hope you have a bless day.
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You are so welcome... If you want you can send it to me on messages after you correct it and I will see how it looks...
Lisa
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I went back and made the corrections .Thank you
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I will check it in the morning...
lisa
Comment from jmdg1954
I'm sure you will always miss her, just as I miss mine. My mom passed away in 2005 and I constantly think of her.
Great entry to the prompt. Best of luck on the contest.
John
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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I'm sure you will always miss her, just as I miss mine. My mom passed away in 2005 and I constantly think of her.
Great entry to the prompt. Best of luck on the contest.
John
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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John thank you for your review I do appreciate it. Yes I think I will miss her till the day I die and get to see her again.
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Hi. I looked at your profile and I see you live in Jacksonville. My son lived in Fleming Island but now lives in St Augustine.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I enjoyed reading your story
My mom dies 2 years ago this month. I miss her too. It is hard when we lose our loved ones. Your rhyming was good. Very good job
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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I enjoyed reading your story
My mom dies 2 years ago this month. I miss her too. It is hard when we lose our loved ones. Your rhyming was good. Very good job
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Brenda for your review, I really do appreciate it.I think I will always miss my mom.
Comment from Elise H
Hi S.M. Thank you for the wonderful poem. I enjoyed the easy flow of it and the warm, domestic mood.
I think the best part of this poem comes at the very beginning and the very end. "I asked her where she was? She said home" was my favorite line of the poem. It was blunt and exactly the way a phone call typically goes, while also playing into your larger picture of thinking of heaven as a warm, domestic space we are all familiar with. That, paired with the final line, "So you have a good day Sandra, I love you a bunch," nailed the casual tone of the poem which I really loved. I think pairing that casual, everyday phone call tone with the subject matter really helped to capture that warm space of home.
If I could give some constructive criticism, it would be to lean into the ambiguity and domestic-space even more. The weakest line for me was when the illusion was broken and we hear about meeting God face to face. I wonder if you couldn't keep the same idea, but make the wording a bit more open-ended. What worked best for me with this poem was how the conversation could have happened both in life or death, and this one moment when you really confirmed that we were in the afterlife, as opposed to just hinting at it, took me out of that domestic space a bit.
Again, thank you for sharing your poem. I've lost my mom as well, so it really resonated for me and brought back some memories of my mom on the phone as well. Thank you for that.
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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Hi S.M. Thank you for the wonderful poem. I enjoyed the easy flow of it and the warm, domestic mood.
I think the best part of this poem comes at the very beginning and the very end. "I asked her where she was? She said home" was my favorite line of the poem. It was blunt and exactly the way a phone call typically goes, while also playing into your larger picture of thinking of heaven as a warm, domestic space we are all familiar with. That, paired with the final line, "So you have a good day Sandra, I love you a bunch," nailed the casual tone of the poem which I really loved. I think pairing that casual, everyday phone call tone with the subject matter really helped to capture that warm space of home.
If I could give some constructive criticism, it would be to lean into the ambiguity and domestic-space even more. The weakest line for me was when the illusion was broken and we hear about meeting God face to face. I wonder if you couldn't keep the same idea, but make the wording a bit more open-ended. What worked best for me with this poem was how the conversation could have happened both in life or death, and this one moment when you really confirmed that we were in the afterlife, as opposed to just hinting at it, took me out of that domestic space a bit.
Again, thank you for sharing your poem. I've lost my mom as well, so it really resonated for me and brought back some memories of my mom on the phone as well. Thank you for that.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review and kind words. I really do appreciate it. I am always open for constructive criticism. I am not a pro at writing. I Do enjoy writing and I am glad to be able to get on Fanstory and get feedback from other people. thank you for your insight. God bless
Comment from Baltimore Born
This is a wonderfully written poem. I like the message you are telling in this poem. Your rhyming is good throughout the poem. Your poem reads and flows well. I enjoyed it. Nice job.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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This is a wonderfully written poem. I like the message you are telling in this poem. Your rhyming is good throughout the poem. Your poem reads and flows well. I enjoyed it. Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review and five stars I do appreciate it. God bless
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You're welcome.
Comment from jessizero
This poem was sweet and touching, and you told the story well in rhyme. I know it's not the same, but I often dream of my dog visiting me after she died. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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This poem was sweet and touching, and you told the story well in rhyme. I know it's not the same, but I often dream of my dog visiting me after she died. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your review and kind words. It may not be the same but the loss of a pet can be just as painful. I am glad you dream of your dog visiting you.
