Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Willing Hearts Chapter 5 A"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
41 total reviews
Comment from Daylily
A timely storyline that needs to be told since there has been a huge increase in human tracking over the last couple of years. I am eager to read the next posting.
Just noticed two things:
re: "I sort of understand your actions when you came to my aide with the john. -- this is a mix of past and present tense. Suggest something like:
"I sort of understood your actions when you came to my aide with the john. OR: "I sort of understand your actions because you came to my aide with the john.
re: "The only other way I can think of to have gotten you to safety was allow Chen or his men to move you.
Suggest: "The only other way I could think to get you to safety was to allow Chen or his men to move you.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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A timely storyline that needs to be told since there has been a huge increase in human tracking over the last couple of years. I am eager to read the next posting.
Just noticed two things:
re: "I sort of understand your actions when you came to my aide with the john. -- this is a mix of past and present tense. Suggest something like:
"I sort of understood your actions when you came to my aide with the john. OR: "I sort of understand your actions because you came to my aide with the john.
re: "The only other way I can think of to have gotten you to safety was allow Chen or his men to move you.
Suggest: "The only other way I could think to get you to safety was to allow Chen or his men to move you.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the corrections. I had made those changes. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Ulla
That was a very well written chapter, Barbara. The dialogue was great, but I can see that Noah has a difficult time convincing Sami of his good intentions. So now what? A hug, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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That was a very well written chapter, Barbara. The dialogue was great, but I can see that Noah has a difficult time convincing Sami of his good intentions. So now what? A hug, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Sami is very upset over Noah and not sure she can trust him. He has a problem. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter felt like a relief, although of course Sami is feeling like she doesn't have her life back yet. I liked all the answers coming to relieve much of the tension from before. It sounds like Noah really doesn't want Sami to harbor grudges for things he had to do.
Little fix:
I knew better than to flash money but did it anyway and it caused you to be hurt.
I would put a comma after anyway. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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This chapter felt like a relief, although of course Sami is feeling like she doesn't have her life back yet. I liked all the answers coming to relieve much of the tension from before. It sounds like Noah really doesn't want Sami to harbor grudges for things he had to do.
Little fix:
I knew better than to flash money but did it anyway and it caused you to be hurt.
I would put a comma after anyway. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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You're right about the comma, I missed it. I appreciate the help. Thank you.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This scene is a compelling exploration of moral ambiguity, loyalty, and the human capacity for forgiveness. The author's deft handling of complex themes and characters makes for a gripping and thought-provoking read.
Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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This scene is a compelling exploration of moral ambiguity, loyalty, and the human capacity for forgiveness. The author's deft handling of complex themes and characters makes for a gripping and thought-provoking read.
Well done.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind reivew.
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written chapter. Sami is safe, and it seems the cast of characters will ensure her safety. I'm sure after some time, all their care, and good will to her well-being will win Sami over.
Good work.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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This is a well written chapter. Sami is safe, and it seems the cast of characters will ensure her safety. I'm sure after some time, all their care, and good will to her well-being will win Sami over.
Good work.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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It be that easy. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from John Ciarmello
I'm loving this story, Barbara. The characters have depth and are unpredictable, especially Sami, who is very headstrong. It's getting exciting!
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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I'm loving this story, Barbara. The characters have depth and are unpredictable, especially Sami, who is very headstrong. It's getting exciting!
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from nor84
Hi.
I haven't kept up with the book, but I do have suggestions about this paragraph:
"Like we expected. She despises all of us. She's not talking or eating. She did take a long shower but is lying on the bed with her dog and muttered something about feeling dirty."
I was going to say that you needed to say muttering to stay in the tense you were using; however, it does create a lot of " ings" that sound repetitive, and you probably don't want that. You could revise one sentence to something like this: she took a long shower, but now she's on the bed with her dog, muttering something about feeling dirty. That would kill some of the problems with the verbs.
It's late, and I should be in bed. I hope you find this review helpful.
I suggest getting rid of most of the 'ings'. It may be that this is one of your problem areas. We all have them.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Hi.
I haven't kept up with the book, but I do have suggestions about this paragraph:
"Like we expected. She despises all of us. She's not talking or eating. She did take a long shower but is lying on the bed with her dog and muttered something about feeling dirty."
I was going to say that you needed to say muttering to stay in the tense you were using; however, it does create a lot of " ings" that sound repetitive, and you probably don't want that. You could revise one sentence to something like this: she took a long shower, but now she's on the bed with her dog, muttering something about feeling dirty. That would kill some of the problems with the verbs.
It's late, and I should be in bed. I hope you find this review helpful.
I suggest getting rid of most of the 'ings'. It may be that this is one of your problem areas. We all have them.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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I made the changes you suggested, and it does read better. I am so glad you dropped by and assisted with this post. I've missed your writing and reviewing.
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Thanks. I don't review as much as I used to, but I am trying to do it more often.
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I would love your help. Not many people actually review anymore. They just read for the money.
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Thanks. It's nice to be missed.
Comment from estory
I liked the dialogue here much better than the last episode I reviewed in the other story. There is much better focus on the theme, the language is crisp, the tension is high, and we see this undercover operation to rescue girls being trafficked unfolding. The scene where she slaps the guy in the face really got our attention. This is a complicated plot with lots of juggling of what's going on between Sami, who seems to be running some kind of impromptu rescue, and the pros who end up having to rescue here and what I get out of this is that this is a job best left to the pros. estory
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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I liked the dialogue here much better than the last episode I reviewed in the other story. There is much better focus on the theme, the language is crisp, the tension is high, and we see this undercover operation to rescue girls being trafficked unfolding. The scene where she slaps the guy in the face really got our attention. This is a complicated plot with lots of juggling of what's going on between Sami, who seems to be running some kind of impromptu rescue, and the pros who end up having to rescue here and what I get out of this is that this is a job best left to the pros. estory
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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True. Sami feels guilty that Myra was kidnapped because she didn't get to the community center in time. She is dealing with that guilt. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Teri7
This is a really great chapter. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I am enjoying reading this chapter and book also. Great job. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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This is a really great chapter. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I am enjoying reading this chapter and book also. Great job. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are so welcome. I am enjoying this. love and blessings, Teri
Comment from derek campbell
Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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I rarely get three stars. Please check my other reviews. Thank you for dropping by.
