I Wish I Could Forget
I remember but3 total reviews
Comment from Glenda Collins
Wow, this is really good. This tue story in a poem evokes so much emotion. Unfortunately, there are so many similar stories. Children who suffered because of a parents illness-and you hit the mark, they are growing up too. Life is hard and oh so often we don't realize how our actions can forever shape another's life. My father was an alcoholic the first 10 years of my life and my mother suffered from depression most of hers. Although looking back there was a lot of trauma. I can now focus on the good that was there as well.
This was a very impressive write. As you can tell it certainly resonated with me. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Glenda
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
  |
Wow, this is really good. This tue story in a poem evokes so much emotion. Unfortunately, there are so many similar stories. Children who suffered because of a parents illness-and you hit the mark, they are growing up too. Life is hard and oh so often we don't realize how our actions can forever shape another's life. My father was an alcoholic the first 10 years of my life and my mother suffered from depression most of hers. Although looking back there was a lot of trauma. I can now focus on the good that was there as well.
This was a very impressive write. As you can tell it certainly resonated with me. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Glenda
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
-
Thank you so much!! I am always happy when others can resonate with my poetry - both the good and the bad! I 100% agree, parents can sometimes be unknowingly cruel, but it's their first time living this life too! We all make mistakes and the most important thing is we grow from them and strive to be better people!
Best,
Unknown :)
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This poem does a wonderful job of sharing the complex and often very difficult emotions that we have about our children. I thought your writing was solid. Your poem was honest and real. The rhyme was natural. This is a strong right. Great job.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
|
This poem does a wonderful job of sharing the complex and often very difficult emotions that we have about our children. I thought your writing was solid. Your poem was honest and real. The rhyme was natural. This is a strong right. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
-
Thank you so much! Parenthood can be hard, and no one can get exactly right! That's why, even through tough times, empathy is an important thing to practice :)
Best,
Videl
Comment from Michele Harber
I'm so sorry for what you went through.
This is a sad and poignant story, told with honesty and feeling, and well-chosen rhyme.
My only problem is with the meter, which is often rocky. I generally wouldn't mention that for the type of piece where what you're saying is more important than how you're saying it. I'm only mentioning it here because there are so many easy fixes.
For instance, if you were to change
I learned to nod, to keep my face still and controlled,
And I'd do everything you asked - I did as I was told.
But you'd cry again, and say that I should care,
So, I smiled and agreed, this new mask I would wear.
to
I learned to nod, keep my face still and controlled,
do everything you asked - do as I was told.
But you'd cry again, and say I should care.
I smiled and agreed, this new mask I'd wear.
it would get your point across and read more smoothly. Even poetic "tricks" like using "mem'ries" instead of "memories" can be lifesavers when it comes to meter.
Your story needs to be told. I'd just love to see you tell it in a way that reads a bit more smoothly. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
 |
I'm so sorry for what you went through.
This is a sad and poignant story, told with honesty and feeling, and well-chosen rhyme.
My only problem is with the meter, which is often rocky. I generally wouldn't mention that for the type of piece where what you're saying is more important than how you're saying it. I'm only mentioning it here because there are so many easy fixes.
For instance, if you were to change
I learned to nod, to keep my face still and controlled,
And I'd do everything you asked - I did as I was told.
But you'd cry again, and say that I should care,
So, I smiled and agreed, this new mask I would wear.
to
I learned to nod, keep my face still and controlled,
do everything you asked - do as I was told.
But you'd cry again, and say I should care.
I smiled and agreed, this new mask I'd wear.
it would get your point across and read more smoothly. Even poetic "tricks" like using "mem'ries" instead of "memories" can be lifesavers when it comes to meter.
Your story needs to be told. I'd just love to see you tell it in a way that reads a bit more smoothly. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
-
Thank you so much! These corrections did make it read much more smoothly, so I applied them! :) I'm glad you liked it though and I hope you have a great rest of your day!
Best,
unknown
-
I'm so glad I was able to help, and I appreciate your being so receptive. You already have a beautiful and moving poem. If I helped make it just a little better, I'm thrilled!
