No Surrender
Based on a story I once heard. Embellished a little.3 total reviews
Comment from CornishChick
This story has a lot of meat but little emotion. There is so much opportunity to explore the emotions of fear, guilt, shame, trust. Try showing the reader more than telling of the events. You get into the humanity of "the enemy". Get into the emotion as well. Show the conflict with dynamic, colorful language. Lots of potential. BTW, Ja has no "h" in German. *grin*
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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This story has a lot of meat but little emotion. There is so much opportunity to explore the emotions of fear, guilt, shame, trust. Try showing the reader more than telling of the events. You get into the humanity of "the enemy". Get into the emotion as well. Show the conflict with dynamic, colorful language. Lots of potential. BTW, Ja has no "h" in German. *grin*
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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I had forgotten about Ja, I preferred French to German except in my singing days I'll let you into a secret Part 2 of No Surrender is forming based on the help from people like you.
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Thank you. Some folks don't like honest critiques, but, if one is willing to take it, one writes better. Period! I'm sorry you preferred French! That language is beyond me. I prefer German... sorry!!! Good writing is hard work. Don't quit!!
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Thank you for those kind words. I learned French at school with a view to visiting France one day (it has not happened). I learned German too but not for as long In my singing days German was easier to pronounce with music. My Scots background could relate. Anyhow, nice to meet you and learn from you.
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I hope you get to go! I hosted 7 exchange students (not at the same time!) from Germany and have visited that country several times. The next time I go, one of my students promised to take me to Strasbourg, which is in France. If you are Scots, we're cousins :-). My people are from Cornwall - we're all Celts!
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Yes that's true.
Comment from cupa tea
It's a good start for a story. I think you need a better ending. It has interesting characters and I like the plot as it is. But, add some to the ending...Like he almost gets caught...you know some excitement or an unexpected ending.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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It's a good start for a story. I think you need a better ending. It has interesting characters and I like the plot as it is. But, add some to the ending...Like he almost gets caught...you know some excitement or an unexpected ending.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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I thank you for your suggestion, but two things The fact is If the soldier got caught, he would die, two there might be a sequel.
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if you plan on writing more then an exciting ending would make the reader want to keep reading.
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Thank you I appreciate your point. I will endeavour to consider it in future. I guess I did not want to kill the hero, but leave it in the knowledge of certainty if he were found out Those were awful times
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Suit yourself, after all it is your story....
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Sad but truth, I heard about stories like this before, and it shows us that we are human beings have resources. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Sad but truth, I heard about stories like this before, and it shows us that we are human beings have resources. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Iza
