One Summer Day
The most traumatic time of my life.5 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This is heart wrenching, and very relatable. I can feel your sorrow and resentment, even after so many years. My only suggestion would be to try for some specificity in your assessment of the characters. When you say your father displayed "bravado," for example, it would help to put in an example of what you mean by that. The same with "cold and distant." How does a kid play in an oil field? What did you do? When your mother warned that you were going to hell, what prompted her to say that to you? When you say kids targeted you, what did they do, exactly? Your story is important, and could do with some sights and sounds that take the reader with you. I hope this observation helps1
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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This is heart wrenching, and very relatable. I can feel your sorrow and resentment, even after so many years. My only suggestion would be to try for some specificity in your assessment of the characters. When you say your father displayed "bravado," for example, it would help to put in an example of what you mean by that. The same with "cold and distant." How does a kid play in an oil field? What did you do? When your mother warned that you were going to hell, what prompted her to say that to you? When you say kids targeted you, what did they do, exactly? Your story is important, and could do with some sights and sounds that take the reader with you. I hope this observation helps1
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thank you Sharon. It does help me determine where I need to go with this (if anywhere) right now. I appreciate the review and the important information you provided.
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Charlene,
before I comment on this story, I wanted to say that the readers of our work view things with their point of view in mind. When I see a less than fair review, in my opinion, I like to go back and look at the person who wrote it and see the quality of their work, how much they've written and if they really have a foot to stand on. Some people view a sunset and complain I suppose. I guess that's all I have to say about that.
I'm glad that you finally decided to share this terrible chapter of your life. I wonder how many children suffered the same as you, not experiencing the love that a parent should have for their child. It's a harsh way to grow up.
It's unfortunate that you couldn't have opened up to the teacher with the truth, or that she didn't have the wisdom to see your heart and the need that you had. You were in need of an advocate, and none stepped forward. I'm so sorry about that.
I re-read your profile. Don't put yourself down gal. Like cooking or catching catfish or washing dishes, the more you do it, the better you become. If you enjoy writing, do it as often as you can. I think you have a lot to write about, and I bet if more people read you they would agree that you're interesting. Of course one good way to learn more and get more exposure for yourself is to review other author's work. You'll be able to get more points to be able to promote your work.
You've done a fine job with this story gal. I look forward to reading more.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Hello Charlene,
before I comment on this story, I wanted to say that the readers of our work view things with their point of view in mind. When I see a less than fair review, in my opinion, I like to go back and look at the person who wrote it and see the quality of their work, how much they've written and if they really have a foot to stand on. Some people view a sunset and complain I suppose. I guess that's all I have to say about that.
I'm glad that you finally decided to share this terrible chapter of your life. I wonder how many children suffered the same as you, not experiencing the love that a parent should have for their child. It's a harsh way to grow up.
It's unfortunate that you couldn't have opened up to the teacher with the truth, or that she didn't have the wisdom to see your heart and the need that you had. You were in need of an advocate, and none stepped forward. I'm so sorry about that.
I re-read your profile. Don't put yourself down gal. Like cooking or catching catfish or washing dishes, the more you do it, the better you become. If you enjoy writing, do it as often as you can. I think you have a lot to write about, and I bet if more people read you they would agree that you're interesting. Of course one good way to learn more and get more exposure for yourself is to review other author's work. You'll be able to get more points to be able to promote your work.
You've done a fine job with this story gal. I look forward to reading more.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 17-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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YOU MADE MY DAY T.B. I always question myself, that's part of who I am but it's SO gratifying to have someone take your part. Hugs Mr.
Comment from Carole Hannan
Needs a lot work, but you have the makings of something good. You just need to tighten up your prose, say what you mean with less words. Don't give up. Keep working on it.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Needs a lot work, but you have the makings of something good. You just need to tighten up your prose, say what you mean with less words. Don't give up. Keep working on it.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you Carole, I will rethink it. It comes from the heart so I'm not sure I can correct it. I'm here to get feedback, good or bad.
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Thank you.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a beautifully written story, and I enjoyed listening to it very much. Your parents were much like my own parents, and as much as they didn't seem to love me. The fascinating thing to me is that you have shown them to be so wrong about you. Patricia .
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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This is a beautifully written story, and I enjoyed listening to it very much. Your parents were much like my own parents, and as much as they didn't seem to love me. The fascinating thing to me is that you have shown them to be so wrong about you. Patricia .
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you SO much Patricia. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I enjoyed reading your story. I could feel your pain in your words. Kids can be so cruel. I could follow along easily and it was written well. Very good job !
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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I enjoyed reading your story. I could feel your pain in your words. Kids can be so cruel. I could follow along easily and it was written well. Very good job !
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you Brenda. I still wake up thinking about that. (and it's been 70 years?)
