Shattered Innocence
Childhood innocence shattered by life's cruelty.41 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Dealing with the death of a loved one is tough. My father passed one month after my thirteenth birthday. It took me years before I truly dealt with it. This was a heartbreaking poem that dealt with the vulnerability of loss. Gretchen
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Dealing with the death of a loved one is tough. My father passed one month after my thirteenth birthday. It took me years before I truly dealt with it. This was a heartbreaking poem that dealt with the vulnerability of loss. Gretchen
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
Comment from JanPerry
So is this just a story from your muse? As U say in the notes.
"A stronger more (devastating) blow comes four years later." Spelling error. What's a crumbling bulwark? New word for me.
Very good descriptions. I wish it also had good news but it's so full of misery in your family that it reminds me of the news on tv. Many people have really great lives, remember them.
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So is this just a story from your muse? As U say in the notes.
"A stronger more (devastating) blow comes four years later." Spelling error. What's a crumbling bulwark? New word for me.
Very good descriptions. I wish it also had good news but it's so full of misery in your family that it reminds me of the news on tv. Many people have really great lives, remember them.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
Comment from Heather Knight
I'm so sorry you've had to suffer so much from such an early age, but I'm sure you are strong and you'll keep on fighting.
My dad passed away when he was only 63, my only sister when she was 48 (almost 6 years ago) and my mum has dementia so I kind of understand you.
I won't tell you any more dramas because you have enough on your plate.
I don't mean to make you sadder, so I apologise if I have.
I think your poem is beautifully written and I don't have any suggestions.
BTW, I'm a teacher too, but my students are adults.
Thanks for sharing.
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I'm so sorry you've had to suffer so much from such an early age, but I'm sure you are strong and you'll keep on fighting.
My dad passed away when he was only 63, my only sister when she was 48 (almost 6 years ago) and my mum has dementia so I kind of understand you.
I won't tell you any more dramas because you have enough on your plate.
I don't mean to make you sadder, so I apologise if I have.
I think your poem is beautifully written and I don't have any suggestions.
BTW, I'm a teacher too, but my students are adults.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from jessizero
I am so sorry you have had to go though such losses. I don't see any need for revisions. Your poem/story was sad and lovely. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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I am so sorry you have had to go though such losses. I don't see any need for revisions. Your poem/story was sad and lovely. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from Ulla
And you composed a beautiful poem about what does happen to so many. I can identify with this poem as I have also experienced the loss of loved ones from an early age. The first one being my father when he died when I was 17. I was devastated, but, curiously, it also gave me strength. Your poem reminded me of that and of what was to come in the following decade. Thanks so much for sharing. Ulla:)))
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And you composed a beautiful poem about what does happen to so many. I can identify with this poem as I have also experienced the loss of loved ones from an early age. The first one being my father when he died when I was 17. I was devastated, but, curiously, it also gave me strength. Your poem reminded me of that and of what was to come in the following decade. Thanks so much for sharing. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from Heidixoxo
Hello,
Wow....what a touching piece of work. You've done a wonderful job putting this together, it has great flow. The emotions were very clearly felt as well. I wish you the very best of luck. I look forward to more of your work in the future as well.
Heidixoxo
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Hello,
Wow....what a touching piece of work. You've done a wonderful job putting this together, it has great flow. The emotions were very clearly felt as well. I wish you the very best of luck. I look forward to more of your work in the future as well.
Heidixoxo
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from Neil Samways
Such an emotional poem and one, in parts, I can relate. My Nan passed when I was young, then my second I had to watch her fight cancer before the disease got her. A few years later my grandfather had Alzheimers it was horrid watching a man I loved so much forget who I was. Next death took the last of my grandparents as my grandfather slept, before my father passed away. Very sad and emotional.
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Such an emotional poem and one, in parts, I can relate. My Nan passed when I was young, then my second I had to watch her fight cancer before the disease got her. A few years later my grandfather had Alzheimers it was horrid watching a man I loved so much forget who I was. Next death took the last of my grandparents as my grandfather slept, before my father passed away. Very sad and emotional.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from Aussie
Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. Like you, I have watched the family fade and pass over. Now alone, I wish I was with them and will be one happy day. Your poem had much depth and emotion as is when a family member passes. "They are not dead, merely sleeping." K xx
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Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. Like you, I have watched the family fade and pass over. Now alone, I wish I was with them and will be one happy day. Your poem had much depth and emotion as is when a family member passes. "They are not dead, merely sleeping." K xx
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a heartfelt expression of grief of the unfortunate path of life. I am dealing with a mother with Alzheimer's right now, so I absolutely feel your pain.
For suggestions, grammatically, I would fix the tenses. You are bouncing back-and-forth between present and past.
For example:
began when I'm eight (present)
Only 22, I watched her battle (past)
I understand that you are going through really tough feelings and you let this pour out of you, the sincerity and honesty of it shows through. Maybe once that has settled a bit you could polish it just to make this really fantastic.
Julie
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This is a heartfelt expression of grief of the unfortunate path of life. I am dealing with a mother with Alzheimer's right now, so I absolutely feel your pain.
For suggestions, grammatically, I would fix the tenses. You are bouncing back-and-forth between present and past.
For example:
began when I'm eight (present)
Only 22, I watched her battle (past)
I understand that you are going through really tough feelings and you let this pour out of you, the sincerity and honesty of it shows through. Maybe once that has settled a bit you could polish it just to make this really fantastic.
Julie
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
Comment from s.m.kirby
This is a heart- breaking story. I am sorry for your loss, and I know how hard it can be to lose a loved one. I hope and pray you have a better day tomorrow. I will keep your dad in my prayers.
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This is a heart- breaking story. I am sorry for your loss, and I know how hard it can be to lose a loved one. I hope and pray you have a better day tomorrow. I will keep your dad in my prayers.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
