Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Willing Hearts Chapter 6 B"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
32 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
You are really skilful at setting up the internal relationships in this story and the tension between characters. I keep willing Sami and Noah to relax a bit more, but I guess I'll have to wait. You are easing them together with great finesse.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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You are really skilful at setting up the internal relationships in this story and the tension between characters. I keep willing Sami and Noah to relax a bit more, but I guess I'll have to wait. You are easing them together with great finesse.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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They are SLOWLY coming together, but circumstances will keep them apart for a while. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a great chapter, and I'm happy Noah and Saraha are finally making some headway. At least they're communicating and trying to make it all work normally.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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This is a great chapter, and I'm happy Noah and Saraha are finally making some headway. At least they're communicating and trying to make it all work normally.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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I believe Sami will come around. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Good chapter, Barbara. I like that Noah is trying to loosen up. I do find it funny that Sarah is coaching him on his technique. The story is moving along nicely. Bring on the next chapter. Also, sorry for the late response. Gretchen
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Good chapter, Barbara. I like that Noah is trying to loosen up. I do find it funny that Sarah is coaching him on his technique. The story is moving along nicely. Bring on the next chapter. Also, sorry for the late response. Gretchen
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacob1395
Things certainly do seem to be heating up and we can see just what a nasty person Chen is and the lengths he'll go to, to get what he wants. I'm really looking forward to seeing how the hit at Noah's offices will unfold. Another excellent chapter Barbara, I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Things certainly do seem to be heating up and we can see just what a nasty person Chen is and the lengths he'll go to, to get what he wants. I'm really looking forward to seeing how the hit at Noah's offices will unfold. Another excellent chapter Barbara, I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I like the characters. I know this is only the beginning so it will get more advanced with suspense as you post each chapter. It is kind of like grinding coffee beans; it takes time.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I like the characters. I know this is only the beginning so it will get more advanced with suspense as you post each chapter. It is kind of like grinding coffee beans; it takes time.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Yes, I like to develop my stories slowly and attempt to build character and plot through that. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
I think the dialogue is more meaningful, there's better focus on the real action, and this chapter moves along nicely. You injected some tension in there when Noah's office gets raided. Once again you have a character here in Sami who seems very intent on taking care of herself and holding the prince charming officer at arm's length. He seems just as intent on making her comfortable with his taking care of her, justifying it within the job he's doing. The tension between them, pulling and pushing apart, is pretty well defined and it makes for some suspense too. The issue of the danger in dealing with these pimps, who appear to be violent, keeps shadowing everything from the background. estory
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I think the dialogue is more meaningful, there's better focus on the real action, and this chapter moves along nicely. You injected some tension in there when Noah's office gets raided. Once again you have a character here in Sami who seems very intent on taking care of herself and holding the prince charming officer at arm's length. He seems just as intent on making her comfortable with his taking care of her, justifying it within the job he's doing. The tension between them, pulling and pushing apart, is pretty well defined and it makes for some suspense too. The issue of the danger in dealing with these pimps, who appear to be violent, keeps shadowing everything from the background. estory
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the encouragement and kind review.
Comment from nomi338
This has a lot of amazing details. Details that are well thought out, make sense and seem totally with in the realms of reality. As far as I am concerned. Not having any experience in such dealings, it still seems totally sensible, reasonable and the thing to do. Great work.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This has a lot of amazing details. Details that are well thought out, make sense and seem totally with in the realms of reality. As far as I am concerned. Not having any experience in such dealings, it still seems totally sensible, reasonable and the thing to do. Great work.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Sharon Elwell
I'm coming in late on this novel, so some of my questions may be irrelevant, since they may have been answered already. Most are just quibbles and small grammar points.
For example, "brothers-in-laws" should probably be "brothers-in-law."
"It's my undercover office, they won't find..." probably needs a semi-colon instead of a comma.
"Then he stared out the window..." "Then" is almost always a useless word and for some reason I just really dislike it. Might be my problem.
"Nobody said anything so Noah continued..." An introductory adverbial clause like "Nobody said anything" needs a comma.
There's an overuse of "comfortable here." Four iterations close together. Maybe another word?
"After knocking, Sarah entered..." might be cleaner to say she knocked and entered?
If Noah really cares so much about keeping her comfortable, you'd think he would know that sneaking up behind her would have the opposite effect?
That's a bunch of little things. I hope they help. I'm anxious to see how this story unfolds!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I'm coming in late on this novel, so some of my questions may be irrelevant, since they may have been answered already. Most are just quibbles and small grammar points.
For example, "brothers-in-laws" should probably be "brothers-in-law."
"It's my undercover office, they won't find..." probably needs a semi-colon instead of a comma.
"Then he stared out the window..." "Then" is almost always a useless word and for some reason I just really dislike it. Might be my problem.
"Nobody said anything so Noah continued..." An introductory adverbial clause like "Nobody said anything" needs a comma.
There's an overuse of "comfortable here." Four iterations close together. Maybe another word?
"After knocking, Sarah entered..." might be cleaner to say she knocked and entered?
If Noah really cares so much about keeping her comfortable, you'd think he would know that sneaking up behind her would have the opposite effect?
That's a bunch of little things. I hope they help. I'm anxious to see how this story unfolds!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I know then is often an useless word, but I used it here so I wouldn't start so many sentences with 'he'. I'm sticking with that one. The other's I made the corrections. This is exactly the type of reviews I want. Thank you.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You are moving the story along nicely. I do not see any need for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This is another excellent chapter. You are moving the story along nicely. I do not see any need for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Teri7
Barbara, I am really liking this! You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue. The one thing I truly love about your stories is that you always have a dog in them. We have cats, but love dogs too. love and blessings, teri
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
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Barbara, I am really liking this! You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue. The one thing I truly love about your stories is that you always have a dog in them. We have cats, but love dogs too. love and blessings, teri
Comment Written 21-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
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A couple of times I've had a cat or kitten, but mostly dogs. Thank you for the kind review.
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We have many cats, due to kittens showing up or our children asking us to take them. So we did. But they are so cute and sweet even as they get older.
