What Do You Mean?
A frustrating dialogue7 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really well done and quite amusing. It could have been a bit shorter but you ended with the perfect last line. This is certainly the perfect definition of the dumb blonde.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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This is really well done and quite amusing. It could have been a bit shorter but you ended with the perfect last line. This is certainly the perfect definition of the dumb blonde.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your review!
Comment from RJ Fuller
Lol! I'm reminded of the time I let my younger brother borrow my car to run to the store with his friend. They were in high school and he'd just gotten his license. He drove the whole way there and back with the emergency break on, then told me how cool it was that my car "stopped on its own". He did show concern for the smoke coming from it lol. This was a GREAT read!!!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Lol! I'm reminded of the time I let my younger brother borrow my car to run to the store with his friend. They were in high school and he'd just gotten his license. He drove the whole way there and back with the emergency break on, then told me how cool it was that my car "stopped on its own". He did show concern for the smoke coming from it lol. This was a GREAT read!!!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your review. Glad you liked the story.
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Thanks for your review. Glad you liked the story.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You have an interesting and creative story here. All you have to do is remove the dialogue tags. They are not allowed in the contest. If Phillip fumed or protested, the language he uses should sound like fuming or protesting. I'm still awarding five stars because the conversation is well written and entertaining. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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You have an interesting and creative story here. All you have to do is remove the dialogue tags. They are not allowed in the contest. If Phillip fumed or protested, the language he uses should sound like fuming or protesting. I'm still awarding five stars because the conversation is well written and entertaining. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for the heads-up about removing the dialogue tags. I took them out. Thanks also for the stars.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an extremely rich entry for the dialogue only contest. I have rarely heard such a complex telephone conversation, people don't really talk like that in my experience. It might have been better if you had avoided all mention of the date, and stopped with plans to get the care out of the manure patch. The change from mid to manure was extremely amusing. kay
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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This is an extremely rich entry for the dialogue only contest. I have rarely heard such a complex telephone conversation, people don't really talk like that in my experience. It might have been better if you had avoided all mention of the date, and stopped with plans to get the care out of the manure patch. The change from mid to manure was extremely amusing. kay
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your review!
Comment from phill doran
Hello Egomega,
This is a good (and humorous) idea but I think you missed the point of the contest brief. The work is meant to be "dialogue only" i.e. no narration or descriptions (Phillip fumed / Tina replied). You perhaps have time to correct these issues if you wish to be considered for the contest.
There's nothing wrong with your writing; it is not adhering to the rules that has you at a disadvantage.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
Some small points:
I think 'quicksand' is one word
"...I don't belong to AA, I belong to AAA..." perhaps should be a semi-colon not a comma.
"...What should they be called called - grayheads?..." you have duplicated the word 'called'
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Hello Egomega,
This is a good (and humorous) idea but I think you missed the point of the contest brief. The work is meant to be "dialogue only" i.e. no narration or descriptions (Phillip fumed / Tina replied). You perhaps have time to correct these issues if you wish to be considered for the contest.
There's nothing wrong with your writing; it is not adhering to the rules that has you at a disadvantage.
I wish you well with your continued writing
cheers
phill
Some small points:
I think 'quicksand' is one word
"...I don't belong to AA, I belong to AAA..." perhaps should be a semi-colon not a comma.
"...What should they be called called - grayheads?..." you have duplicated the word 'called'
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks Phill. I appreciate the heads-up about the rules and suggested corrections. I revised the story. Thanks again.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A really well written story that made me feel I was actually there listening to the man and his girlfriend talk. There was a tongue in cheek feel to it. You have a delightful sense of humor and great feel for dialogue.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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A really well written story that made me feel I was actually there listening to the man and his girlfriend talk. There was a tongue in cheek feel to it. You have a delightful sense of humor and great feel for dialogue.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. I?m glad you liked it.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is terrific. The dialogue between Phillip and Tina is so enjoyable! You skillfully capture the tension and frustration between them with this damn stuck car. I thought you made the dialogue between Phillip and Tina enjoyable because not only was it entertaining. It was relatable!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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This is terrific. The dialogue between Phillip and Tina is so enjoyable! You skillfully capture the tension and frustration between them with this damn stuck car. I thought you made the dialogue between Phillip and Tina enjoyable because not only was it entertaining. It was relatable!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. I?m glad you enjoyed it.
