Death, Crimes and Misdemeanors A-Z
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Two Of A Kind"Nefarious Deeds
15 total reviews
Comment from BermyBye50
Karen,
This is a brilliant entry in the Talk of the Town contest. You are a highly skilled and talented writer and poet. Your masterfully written stories and poems are always interesting, captivating, thought provoking and real.
I know, I know its been awhile since I've review any of your stories or poems. But you continue to amaze me with your talent and skill in creating amazing stories and fun, thoughtful and humorous poems. I viewed your portfolio and see that have has a string of 2nd and 3rd place wins this year.
You are clearly one of the best writers here on Fanstory and you've helped me tremendously with your thoughtful and helpful reviews and critiques of my writing and poetry. I value and highly appreciate your feedback and wish you the best in your future writing endeavors. Looking forward to reading and reviewing more of your writes in the future.
Congrats on reaching the milestone of 200 posts here on Fanstory.
All the best,
Eugene
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Karen,
This is a brilliant entry in the Talk of the Town contest. You are a highly skilled and talented writer and poet. Your masterfully written stories and poems are always interesting, captivating, thought provoking and real.
I know, I know its been awhile since I've review any of your stories or poems. But you continue to amaze me with your talent and skill in creating amazing stories and fun, thoughtful and humorous poems. I viewed your portfolio and see that have has a string of 2nd and 3rd place wins this year.
You are clearly one of the best writers here on Fanstory and you've helped me tremendously with your thoughtful and helpful reviews and critiques of my writing and poetry. I value and highly appreciate your feedback and wish you the best in your future writing endeavors. Looking forward to reading and reviewing more of your writes in the future.
Congrats on reaching the milestone of 200 posts here on Fanstory.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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I have been so lucky to find this place. It has saved my life. I stopped reviewing you not because I didn't like your work, I do love it, But because there are only so many hours I can sit, and I have had to adopt a one for one rule. You review me I review you. I read everything they comes to my mail box, because I can read laying down. But reviewing must be done sitting. I like points and stars as much as anyone, but if I owe you a read and you have no points I will still review you. I will troll if I need to give you a review. And, if I troll I will look for ones that need points to get ribbons and stars. You are a masterful children's writer. I have enjoyed everything I read. And you new picture is gorgeous. Boy, did you age well. Karen
Comment from karenina
Somehow you make homicide an acceptable "thing" in your stories...it's an odd brand to be known for, but heck... I have to admit it's dark fun and I always get a chuckle!
Grammar and I are mutually allergic...
I'll let the others help you while I focus on the story and say "That's the Karen we know and love!"
Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Somehow you make homicide an acceptable "thing" in your stories...it's an odd brand to be known for, but heck... I have to admit it's dark fun and I always get a chuckle!
Grammar and I are mutually allergic...
I'll let the others help you while I focus on the story and say "That's the Karen we know and love!"
Karenina
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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I am very bad on Dialogue. That's why I mostly narrate. Thanks for the read.
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I say go with your strengths!
Comment from CornishChick
This was such a FUN read. There's a lot of meat in it as well. I have to admit, I did NOT see the machinations of mom and son coming. It even helped me down memory lane a bit. My father taught me how to handle money at a young age. Only one tweak that I could see: Throughout, the story is told 3rd person POV, but 2x slips into 1st person. Thank you for warning your reader not to tangle with Clarey and Ennis!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This was such a FUN read. There's a lot of meat in it as well. I have to admit, I did NOT see the machinations of mom and son coming. It even helped me down memory lane a bit. My father taught me how to handle money at a young age. Only one tweak that I could see: Throughout, the story is told 3rd person POV, but 2x slips into 1st person. Thank you for warning your reader not to tangle with Clarey and Ennis!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I will go back and see if I can catch them. Thank you. Karen
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, I see a major obsession with killing those who get in your way. LOL. But heck, why not, long as you can get away with it clean free. And especially, if you can reap the rewards of a bigger inheritance. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Yes, I see a major obsession with killing those who get in your way. LOL. But heck, why not, long as you can get away with it clean free. And especially, if you can reap the rewards of a bigger inheritance. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thanks for the six. Appreciate the read and kindness. Karen
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice story, nicely written.
Not very nice people, though.
"She took care of it when Grandma became too much of a problem." - I thought she died of a stroke while knitting.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Nice story, nicely written.
Not very nice people, though.
"She took care of it when Grandma became too much of a problem." - I thought she died of a stroke while knitting.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much. This was for a contest, so I wrote it a little quickly. I appreciate the review. Karen
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I've done the same... and suffered embarrassment. Grrrrr.
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I had orginally had her slumped over and she impaled herself on a knitting needle. I had read of that actually happening. But, i thought that would be a bit too much. :-)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
A "perfectionist" neat freak would be just as bothersome as a hoarder. Both would be difficult to reside with.
The geographical location of Cut and Shoot, Texas clearly illustrates a particular image of what must be the way of life for residents there.
Clarey's bike deal sounds tough on Ennis. Why not do like most parents would for a child that young and buy him a bike since it would be used for his odd jobs around town?
Smoking two packs of cigarettes a day more than enough to kill most anyone.
Sometimes, when two people have spent many years together, and one kicks off, it does not take the other one too long before they croak as well.
Murder to get rich. What a non-novel way to wax somebody.
A fall in the kitchen ought to do the trick well enough.
Like mother, like son.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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A "perfectionist" neat freak would be just as bothersome as a hoarder. Both would be difficult to reside with.
The geographical location of Cut and Shoot, Texas clearly illustrates a particular image of what must be the way of life for residents there.
Clarey's bike deal sounds tough on Ennis. Why not do like most parents would for a child that young and buy him a bike since it would be used for his odd jobs around town?
Smoking two packs of cigarettes a day more than enough to kill most anyone.
Sometimes, when two people have spent many years together, and one kicks off, it does not take the other one too long before they croak as well.
Murder to get rich. What a non-novel way to wax somebody.
A fall in the kitchen ought to do the trick well enough.
Like mother, like son.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Thanks for the read and comments. I appreciate them, Karen
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Ma Barker and her boys robbed stage coaches and banks. This one and her son act on behalf of the Grim Reaper. Why not! It's all for the(ir) Better Good.
I hesitate to say anything here, KTC, because suggestions are usually met with, "I'm keeping it the way it is," but I feel I would be remiss not to at least mention that there are a couple spots where there is a change in your point of view.
Here, for instance, suddenly it goes from third person/narrator to first person/"me."
He had interesting stories, and his mom seemed not to notice the uneven part in his hair or his socks that didn't match. They didn't need *me* on any more dates.
Also, here:
He says since he has plenty of money, he can slow down and spend all his time with *me!*
There are also a few times when your pronouns become confusing without a second, clarifying re-read to completely understand the gist. If you want me to share them, I will.
Fun read. Good luck on Voting Day! xo
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Ma Barker and her boys robbed stage coaches and banks. This one and her son act on behalf of the Grim Reaper. Why not! It's all for the(ir) Better Good.
I hesitate to say anything here, KTC, because suggestions are usually met with, "I'm keeping it the way it is," but I feel I would be remiss not to at least mention that there are a couple spots where there is a change in your point of view.
Here, for instance, suddenly it goes from third person/narrator to first person/"me."
He had interesting stories, and his mom seemed not to notice the uneven part in his hair or his socks that didn't match. They didn't need *me* on any more dates.
Also, here:
He says since he has plenty of money, he can slow down and spend all his time with *me!*
There are also a few times when your pronouns become confusing without a second, clarifying re-read to completely understand the gist. If you want me to share them, I will.
Fun read. Good luck on Voting Day! xo
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I am so very terrible on tenses. Grammarly sucks on this. I will go check it again thanks. Karen
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an interesting and creative story. As the story progresses, you give lots of details about the protagonist and the life of his mother. To make your stories easier to understand, it would be helpful to keep the same point of view (POV) throughout the story. Your story flips from a third person narrative to a first person narrative. I will include one example.
They didn't need me on any more dates. (This sentence is in first person. Ennis is telling the story).
About two months later, he overheard them talking one night about him moving in. (This sentence is in third person. Someone who is NOT in the story, is telling the reader what they know about the story).
Hope my suggestion is helpful. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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This is an interesting and creative story. As the story progresses, you give lots of details about the protagonist and the life of his mother. To make your stories easier to understand, it would be helpful to keep the same point of view (POV) throughout the story. Your story flips from a third person narrative to a first person narrative. I will include one example.
They didn't need me on any more dates. (This sentence is in first person. Ennis is telling the story).
About two months later, he overheard them talking one night about him moving in. (This sentence is in third person. Someone who is NOT in the story, is telling the reader what they know about the story).
Hope my suggestion is helpful. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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I will go fix. Thanks for the read and help.
Comment from Ulla
Well, that was a bit of a story and his mother certainly took care of whatever problem that arose. Now I can see that they must have been the talk of the town wherever they lived. Good luck, Ulla :)))
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Well, that was a bit of a story and his mother certainly took care of whatever problem that arose. Now I can see that they must have been the talk of the town wherever they lived. Good luck, Ulla :)))
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
Comment from tempeste
Ciao ! you now have three votes.
Obviously, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I wasn't expecting the two to turn out to be murderers.
I'm curious how Clarcey eliminated the granny.
She read a lot so I'm guessing she found the solution in some book.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Ciao ! you now have three votes.
Obviously, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I wasn't expecting the two to turn out to be murderers.
I'm curious how Clarcey eliminated the granny.
She read a lot so I'm guessing she found the solution in some book.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much!