Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Right in the Eye, ch 13"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
10 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is such an enjoyable story. Rev. Ben has obviously been a good preacher as he has a full church. He gives an excellent sermon, also. And he apparently feels a need to talk to Slim and Mary. Everything is working just find for them.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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This is such an enjoyable story. Rev. Ben has obviously been a good preacher as he has a full church. He gives an excellent sermon, also. And he apparently feels a need to talk to Slim and Mary. Everything is working just find for them.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Ben Paul is all grown and past his prime from his youthful days of helping Tony in St Louis.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Not sure you needed the "buzzards about to eat your eyes" - I found it a bit distracting from what the message was.
I would check punctuation again; where you have quotes within quotes, it is not always consistent or correct.
That must have been an overpowering feeling, having Ben pray over him again in the form of his son, in the name of the Son.
The next chapter will certainly be interesting!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Not sure you needed the "buzzards about to eat your eyes" - I found it a bit distracting from what the message was.
I would check punctuation again; where you have quotes within quotes, it is not always consistent or correct.
That must have been an overpowering feeling, having Ben pray over him again in the form of his son, in the name of the Son.
The next chapter will certainly be interesting!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I'll look it over.
Ben Paul reading aloud (speaking) words that are being spoken with quotes was tough (for me) at the ends of paragraphs. Might be easier if I just have Ben Paul clear his throat or something.
Comment from lyenochka
That's a great place for Ben Paul to be preaching from. Last we heard about Ben Paul, there wasn't any indication that he was going to be a pastor so he has a lot of stories to share as he learns from Slim and his story!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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That's a great place for Ben Paul to be preaching from. Last we heard about Ben Paul, there wasn't any indication that he was going to be a pastor so he has a lot of stories to share as he learns from Slim and his story!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
It took a while for me to get to Ben Paul. I hope the wait will have been worth it.
Comment from Wendy G
Your story is quite complex, but you seem to be pulling all the strings well to link past and present. I thought it was a clever way to include some important Scripture. Another well written chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Your story is quite complex, but you seem to be pulling all the strings well to link past and present. I thought it was a clever way to include some important Scripture. Another well written chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thank you. My goal, aside from merely getting Ben Paul into the story and to redeem (if that's the right word here) Slim and Mary, is to accent the ministry as a 'calling' before taking off in a different direction.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Down on their knees praying is a good place to be for all of them and for us. It's one of the things there can never be enough of. Like roast beef, mashed potatoes, and gravy. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Down on their knees praying is a good place to be for all of them and for us. It's one of the things there can never be enough of. Like roast beef, mashed potatoes, and gravy. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thanks for reading ... and reviewing.
Comment from jim vecchio
Sorry again to bd out of sixes. That was genius combining the tale of Ben and his son with the preaching about God and His son. Your story is both addictive and glorifying to God.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Sorry again to bd out of sixes. That was genius combining the tale of Ben and his son with the preaching about God and His son. Your story is both addictive and glorifying to God.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
I figured it wouldn't hurt the heathens out there to read a little Bible on FanStory. (smiley face here)
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If you write it, I can take it!
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smiley face here
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Keep on writing!
Comment from Wojciech Gurak
A lengthy quote from the Bible, but a very good one. It bears re-reading from time to time. Good photo and quick summary. Good cliffhanger at the end.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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A lengthy quote from the Bible, but a very good one. It bears re-reading from time to time. Good photo and quick summary. Good cliffhanger at the end.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your very nice review.
I figured it wouldn't hurt the heathens out there to read a little Bible on FanStory. (smiley face here)
Comment from Jim Wile
A good chapter, Wayne. How fortunate to have seen Ben Paul on his last day as the reverend (but perhaps it was "God workin' the timing," as Mary said.)
I presume we will now get Ben Paul's story. Have you considered, from a structural viewpoint, of turning this into Part 1 - Slim Diddleknopper and Part 2 - Ben Paul Persons?
It might be a way to organize the story as one novel--just to make it clear that it is really a 2-part novel, tied together by the two main characters meeting each other.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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A good chapter, Wayne. How fortunate to have seen Ben Paul on his last day as the reverend (but perhaps it was "God workin' the timing," as Mary said.)
I presume we will now get Ben Paul's story. Have you considered, from a structural viewpoint, of turning this into Part 1 - Slim Diddleknopper and Part 2 - Ben Paul Persons?
It might be a way to organize the story as one novel--just to make it clear that it is really a 2-part novel, tied together by the two main characters meeting each other.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your thoughtful review.
It's a bit different than that - a different direction. To repeat the 'calling' formula doesn't feel right to me.
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Good. Can't wait to see what you do with it.
Comment from Natureschild
This chapter blends the story's development with spiritual themes and draws us into an exploration of faith and redemption. The invitation extended by Ben Persons after the service sets the stage for further revelations and continuance of the story. I found the dialect and your voice interesting, albeit a bit challenging for me, but it sounded authentic. - Terry
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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This chapter blends the story's development with spiritual themes and draws us into an exploration of faith and redemption. The invitation extended by Ben Persons after the service sets the stage for further revelations and continuance of the story. I found the dialect and your voice interesting, albeit a bit challenging for me, but it sounded authentic. - Terry
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you very much.
I try very hard to tone down the patois/dialect. I want to be consistent and authentic, but my wife (and reviewers) convinced me to at least 'try' to make it more reader friendly. (smiley face here)
BTW - A FanStorian taught me the word 'patois' in one of those reviews i refer to. (another smiley face here)
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Smiley Face. Now you taught me a new word too. Thank you.
PS. It would be nice if this text engine came with emojis.
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Someone told me how (cntrl and a 4 digit number, or something like that. too much trouble - too hard to learn)
smiley face here
Comment from royowen
They are still having difficulties finding out where and when Ben Persons, even died, and they start figuring perhaps he's still alive more or less like Slim is still alive, outstanding seeking after Ben Persons well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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They are still having difficulties finding out where and when Ben Persons, even died, and they start figuring perhaps he's still alive more or less like Slim is still alive, outstanding seeking after Ben Persons well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Splitting a chapter early on has caught up to me. I have erred in my chapter numbers and the next post of ch 13 will be a new chapter. I hope it isn't too confusing.
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That?s fine Wayne
