An Alien Attacks
A rare alien seen on earth.4 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
Perfect. A night mare traffic situation. As f getting home from work was not bad enough already. Now we have to deal with an alien invasion. Life is becoming harder and harder to deal with.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Perfect. A night mare traffic situation. As f getting home from work was not bad enough already. Now we have to deal with an alien invasion. Life is becoming harder and harder to deal with.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from jim vecchio
Another unusual short! There are a few places you might want to consider for revision. In the fifth sentence, you made "alien" plural with an "s". Also:
"The news reporters already have seen pictures of the alien, which is the first time the public have said it is true what the scientific theorist have said" could be better put, "The news reporters have seen pictures of the alien. This is the first time the public realized that what the scientific theorist said, was true."
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Another unusual short! There are a few places you might want to consider for revision. In the fifth sentence, you made "alien" plural with an "s". Also:
"The news reporters already have seen pictures of the alien, which is the first time the public have said it is true what the scientific theorist have said" could be better put, "The news reporters have seen pictures of the alien. This is the first time the public realized that what the scientific theorist said, was true."
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Okay, I have made the changes. Thank you for your help and review! Please revise it.
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Thank you. You are doing better and better.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
(o)n a public highway; some are injured (as) (it's) the first time...;
helicopters; the alien (no's'); in the cars(,) there (are) body parts; tense (about) what is going to happen; saves the alien (who comes into) the ship; have seen (that) it is true; scientific theorist(s) have said; to keep it (to) themselves; they want to report a crime but none is coming for them?? (not sure what you mean here)
Oh dear Raul, this had a fair share of errors and needed you to check over it before posting. The story has potential but needs polishing up. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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(o)n a public highway; some are injured (as) (it's) the first time...;
helicopters; the alien (no's'); in the cars(,) there (are) body parts; tense (about) what is going to happen; saves the alien (who comes into) the ship; have seen (that) it is true; scientific theorist(s) have said; to keep it (to) themselves; they want to report a crime but none is coming for them?? (not sure what you mean here)
Oh dear Raul, this had a fair share of errors and needed you to check over it before posting. The story has potential but needs polishing up. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your help and review! I have made the changes. Can you please revise it?
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Thanks!
Comment from judiverse
Okay, you have a start. Try developing this idea. Add some characters--maybe the alien, some drivers, some police officers. Give them names, give them something to say. The idea of writing to fiction is to show what's going on, not just give some details. You have a good idea. Run with it. Develop it more and you'll have a short story. Goal: Try for 5000 words. Best of luck. What you have here is an outline. Maybe what you need to do is develop the ideas you have instead of trying to write so much. I'd like to see what you do with this outline. judi
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Okay, you have a start. Try developing this idea. Add some characters--maybe the alien, some drivers, some police officers. Give them names, give them something to say. The idea of writing to fiction is to show what's going on, not just give some details. You have a good idea. Run with it. Develop it more and you'll have a short story. Goal: Try for 5000 words. Best of luck. What you have here is an outline. Maybe what you need to do is develop the ideas you have instead of trying to write so much. I'd like to see what you do with this outline. judi
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
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You're welcome. You've come up with some interesting ideas. Don't just drop them but try to add and flesh out your story. judi
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Okay, I will follow up on your advice.
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Before you write, you might write down characters you want to include and what you want to say about them. When you write your story, use dialogue to show what they're thinking; Appeal to the emotions. If people are killed in the car collisions, describe them. Give a picture of what the situation looks like. judi
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Okay I will.
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I'll love seeing how you develop it. judi
