Love Honor and a Mail Order Bride
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Hard Road Soft Heart"Indian girl vies for the heart of a homesteader
9 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
I'm behind in your great western romance. It's so well written and romantic in a pure, sweet way. I look forward to the next chapter and hope to catch up more this week. Sending you my best today as always.
Sal :))
reply by the author on 27-May-2024
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I'm behind in your great western romance. It's so well written and romantic in a pure, sweet way. I look forward to the next chapter and hope to catch up more this week. Sending you my best today as always.
Sal :))
Comment Written 26-May-2024
reply by the author on 27-May-2024
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Appreciate your keen and kind words! Blessings...
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Most welcome! :))
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I really like the content--pacing and description and dialogue-- in this chapter from beginning to end. Mail order brides were definitely a real historic practice, although I am sure many did not work out.
Favorite lines: A flurry of yellow daises dotted the rustic landscape of rocks and rolling hills.
And also the last quotation from Luke. I think you might mean "pillowed his head against a sack of oats."
Other little fixes:
he held his tongue over her daughter's wide-eyed wonder on the open range.
I think it might be slightly smoother like this:
he held his tongue due to watching her daughter's wide-eyed wonder on the open range.
The sky was a sea of blue with a morning sun on their backs.
To avoid antecedent confusion, I would say:
The sky was a sea of blue, and they rode with the morning sun on their backs.
After several hours, Anna pointed to the snow-capped mountains like God's cathedrals spiraling into the heavens.
I think just insert a comma after mountains.
Luke nodded, but he knew the town below his cabin, Silver Creek, and how they wag their tongues more than the telegraph wires sing.
Change 'wag' to wagged. And I think 'sing' should be 'sang.' That way you have past tense verbs to be uniform throughout.
Soon there will be more fugitives hiding from the world on his homestead.
I would change 'will' to 'would'
"It's a might farther than it looks,
I think you mean: It's a mite farther
She handed a piece to Luke where he sat beside her while Anna slept.
I think I would insert a comma after Luke.
Jumping from the wagon, he spied a spring fed section of water near a grove of trees.
I would put a hyphen between spring and fed.
Ruth excused herself and parted down near some gravel edge where she could freshen herself and sponged off with her hair pinned and a shirt tied to her mid drift.
I think this could be simplified and turned into two sentences, like this:
Ruth excused herself and departed, walking down near the creek's gravel edge. She pinned up her hair and tied her shirt up to her midriff, so she could freshen herself.
They take pride to find someone all the way to hell if need be."
I think put a comma after hell.
A heavy silence filled the air between them save for the snap and pop of the fire.
I suggest putting a comma after the word them.
I was looking up actor Buddy Ebsen's other film credits and was wondering if you watched 1964's "Mail Order Bride" before writing this. I haven't seen it all the way through in years myself.
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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I really like the content--pacing and description and dialogue-- in this chapter from beginning to end. Mail order brides were definitely a real historic practice, although I am sure many did not work out.
Favorite lines: A flurry of yellow daises dotted the rustic landscape of rocks and rolling hills.
And also the last quotation from Luke. I think you might mean "pillowed his head against a sack of oats."
Other little fixes:
he held his tongue over her daughter's wide-eyed wonder on the open range.
I think it might be slightly smoother like this:
he held his tongue due to watching her daughter's wide-eyed wonder on the open range.
The sky was a sea of blue with a morning sun on their backs.
To avoid antecedent confusion, I would say:
The sky was a sea of blue, and they rode with the morning sun on their backs.
After several hours, Anna pointed to the snow-capped mountains like God's cathedrals spiraling into the heavens.
I think just insert a comma after mountains.
Luke nodded, but he knew the town below his cabin, Silver Creek, and how they wag their tongues more than the telegraph wires sing.
Change 'wag' to wagged. And I think 'sing' should be 'sang.' That way you have past tense verbs to be uniform throughout.
Soon there will be more fugitives hiding from the world on his homestead.
I would change 'will' to 'would'
"It's a might farther than it looks,
I think you mean: It's a mite farther
She handed a piece to Luke where he sat beside her while Anna slept.
I think I would insert a comma after Luke.
Jumping from the wagon, he spied a spring fed section of water near a grove of trees.
I would put a hyphen between spring and fed.
Ruth excused herself and parted down near some gravel edge where she could freshen herself and sponged off with her hair pinned and a shirt tied to her mid drift.
I think this could be simplified and turned into two sentences, like this:
Ruth excused herself and departed, walking down near the creek's gravel edge. She pinned up her hair and tied her shirt up to her midriff, so she could freshen herself.
They take pride to find someone all the way to hell if need be."
I think put a comma after hell.
A heavy silence filled the air between them save for the snap and pop of the fire.
I suggest putting a comma after the word them.
I was looking up actor Buddy Ebsen's other film credits and was wondering if you watched 1964's "Mail Order Bride" before writing this. I haven't seen it all the way through in years myself.
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Thanks so much. I should check that out. Appreciate you.
Comment from BethShelby
Well, Luke has a problem. In spite of the fact he was planning on a woman with a child, he doesnt't want to let this child down. He also seems to really care about the half Indian girl. Both of the women seem to be pretty and he seems attracted to both of them but both of them could have people looking for them. He has complicated his life.
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Well, Luke has a problem. In spite of the fact he was planning on a woman with a child, he doesnt't want to let this child down. He also seems to really care about the half Indian girl. Both of the women seem to be pretty and he seems attracted to both of them but both of them could have people looking for them. He has complicated his life.
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Thanks so much, Beth.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another good write. I really like this story and am really curios where it's going. I feel sorry for Luke. He's in a mess.
She stood and pointed, "I see mountains, momma! Look." (Momma!)
Ruth made her sit down before she fell off the wagon. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
He didn't want to let this innocent child down, (let down this innocent child, adverb close to the verb)
"I understand Mr. Cole." (understand,)
. You're a good man Luke Cole." (man,)
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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This is another good write. I really like this story and am really curios where it's going. I feel sorry for Luke. He's in a mess.
She stood and pointed, "I see mountains, momma! Look." (Momma!)
Ruth made her sit down before she fell off the wagon. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
He didn't want to let this innocent child down, (let down this innocent child, adverb close to the verb)
"I understand Mr. Cole." (understand,)
. You're a good man Luke Cole." (man,)
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Thanks Barbara!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written chapter in your book and I enjoyed listening to it. It held my attention all the way through and I wish you the very best with all of your writing and you have a wonderful week and may God richly bless you. Patricia ..
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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This is a very well written chapter in your book and I enjoyed listening to it. It held my attention all the way through and I wish you the very best with all of your writing and you have a wonderful week and may God richly bless you. Patricia ..
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thanks so much for your words of depth and blessings.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this chapter was rich with emotion and tension. I was drawn into the relationships between Luke, Ruth, and Anna. The imagery is excellent. You could see the beautiful landscape which serves as a backdrop to their unfolding story. Luke's internal struggle and reluctance to fully trust Ruth comes through clear. But you could also see his sense of decency and compassion. Ruth's desperation is clear. I have to feel for her. Great job. This was very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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I thought this chapter was rich with emotion and tension. I was drawn into the relationships between Luke, Ruth, and Anna. The imagery is excellent. You could see the beautiful landscape which serves as a backdrop to their unfolding story. Luke's internal struggle and reluctance to fully trust Ruth comes through clear. But you could also see his sense of decency and compassion. Ruth's desperation is clear. I have to feel for her. Great job. This was very enjoyable.
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thanks. I really appreciate the words you offered here. Made my day. Blessings.
Comment from royowen
Of course one can't blame Luke for feeling the way he does, I think there was a degree of decency back in the day, besides I think he feels for Anna being at the mercy of her mother being imprisoned, I'm sure he will watch over her, and he is a man of compassion, well done Stan, , blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Of course one can't blame Luke for feeling the way he does, I think there was a degree of decency back in the day, besides I think he feels for Anna being at the mercy of her mother being imprisoned, I'm sure he will watch over her, and he is a man of compassion, well done Stan, , blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Appreciate the depth of your words, Roy.
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Good job
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Luke! What a dilemma. He has a good and kind heart and he obviously cares a lot for the child. But what will he do with a fugitive from the law and another fugitive running from an Indian tribe and a child to care for? But I bet he can do it.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Poor Luke! What a dilemma. He has a good and kind heart and he obviously cares a lot for the child. But what will he do with a fugitive from the law and another fugitive running from an Indian tribe and a child to care for? But I bet he can do it.
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Setting up God moments for when life tested both true grit and true faith. Appreciate your words.
Comment from Ben Colder
Seems I have missed much of this story but you always provide a way a person can pick up and travel onward with your story. Good one, BRO .
looking FORWARSD IN READING MORE.
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Seems I have missed much of this story but you always provide a way a person can pick up and travel onward with your story. Good one, BRO .
looking FORWARSD IN READING MORE.
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Appreciate you Big Ben. Humbled and grateful.
