Derek the Almost Hunter
Even a timid rabbit can find courage.4 total reviews
Comment from EeanBlack
I truly loved this story. The title and first paragraph gave it away though. That didn't matter, because it was very well written. I could feel the message building as most people probably could. To me, that's a good thing. Keep writing. Keep dreaming. I think you will get where you want to go. Just a feeling.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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I truly loved this story. The title and first paragraph gave it away though. That didn't matter, because it was very well written. I could feel the message building as most people probably could. To me, that's a good thing. Keep writing. Keep dreaming. I think you will get where you want to go. Just a feeling.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the review and six star rating.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading Derek and his frog friend were delightful to read about. Good luck with the contes.
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Farmer Grumblestomp (love the name)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading Derek and his frog friend were delightful to read about. Good luck with the contes.
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Farmer Grumblestomp (love the name)
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from Julie Helms
The story was good, but the telling of it was just amazing. The way you use words and language is beautiful. This a tale to be read aloud so that the way the words were woven together could be appreciated!
Here's a sentence I particularly liked (but I could have chosen a dozen others too)
The realization dawned on him that perhaps the mantle of a revolutionary was a bit too grand for his modest nature.
There is a sense of humor twining throughout the story, though I don't think Derek, the Dreadful Fang would necessarily appreciate that!
A couple possible points to polish:
carnivorous beasts that roomed there thick brush
of the woods.
(Not sure...roamed their...?)
No person, animal or foul,
(fowl)
Derek dubbed him Farmer Grunblestomp,
(Grumblestomp)
Perhaps these two are too close together and one could be changed:
As dawn began to streak the sky with light, the *ominous* sound of boots
The farmer's approach grew *ominously* louder
Really, really well done!
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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The story was good, but the telling of it was just amazing. The way you use words and language is beautiful. This a tale to be read aloud so that the way the words were woven together could be appreciated!
Here's a sentence I particularly liked (but I could have chosen a dozen others too)
The realization dawned on him that perhaps the mantle of a revolutionary was a bit too grand for his modest nature.
There is a sense of humor twining throughout the story, though I don't think Derek, the Dreadful Fang would necessarily appreciate that!
A couple possible points to polish:
carnivorous beasts that roomed there thick brush
of the woods.
(Not sure...roamed their...?)
No person, animal or foul,
(fowl)
Derek dubbed him Farmer Grunblestomp,
(Grumblestomp)
Perhaps these two are too close together and one could be changed:
As dawn began to streak the sky with light, the *ominous* sound of boots
The farmer's approach grew *ominously* louder
Really, really well done!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 14-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Thanks for the review, corrections, and especially the six star rating. I appreciate your eye for errors. I read over the story many times and still missed them.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your writing is so enjoyable. This was well written and I love your storytelling. You show Derek's initial fear and his eventual determination to change his fate so well. His journey from a timid rabbit to a legendary figure is heartwarming. The descriptions are clear and you drew me into the forest and its inhabitants. The tale of Derek's attempt to challenge the status quo was terrific. So an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 14-May-2024
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Your writing is so enjoyable. This was well written and I love your storytelling. You show Derek's initial fear and his eventual determination to change his fate so well. His journey from a timid rabbit to a legendary figure is heartwarming. The descriptions are clear and you drew me into the forest and its inhabitants. The tale of Derek's attempt to challenge the status quo was terrific. So an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 13-May-2024
reply by the author on 14-May-2024
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Thanks for the review.
