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Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "One With The Universe"x
18 total reviews
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Dribble Flash Fiction contest. Beautiful fifty word meditation. Very soothing and comforting. Good luck in the contest..
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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An excellent entry for the Dribble Flash Fiction contest. Beautiful fifty word meditation. Very soothing and comforting. Good luck in the contest..
Comment Written 07-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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thank you very much, Marilyn. Have a wonderful weekend.
gypsy
Comment from Thesis
I like the flow and aura of this story. The accompanying artwork compliments the feelings and imaginary scene that you created. Everyone should experience this feeling.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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I like the flow and aura of this story. The accompanying artwork compliments the feelings and imaginary scene that you created. Everyone should experience this feeling.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much, my friend. May you have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy
Comment from jessizero
This was a great scene, and you set it using only fifty words! I am impressed. Your words and mental image were lovely, and the picture you supplied complemented the piece well. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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This was a great scene, and you set it using only fifty words! I am impressed. Your words and mental image were lovely, and the picture you supplied complemented the piece well. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much, Jessi
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with good imagery and good sensory appeal. Well chosen photo. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck.
Xo. Margaret
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with good imagery and good sensory appeal. Well chosen photo. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck.
Xo. Margaret
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much, Margaret
Gypsy
Comment from tfawcus
A fine, poetic description of meditation, Gypsy. I've tried it once or twice but find the disciplined approach doesn't fit my nature well. I'm more of an idle daydreamer! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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A fine, poetic description of meditation, Gypsy. I've tried it once or twice but find the disciplined approach doesn't fit my nature well. I'm more of an idle daydreamer! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much, Tony. I appreciate your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from juliaSjames
Oh what an idyllic scene you paint in words. It could be real or it could be the imaginary space which you enter during meditation. My own meditation space is swimming in the sea accompanied by a great orca.
I love the subtle touches which help you feel at home - the grass carpet, the rock armchair. Beautifully done, Marival.
In this write, you allow the reader to use many senses to engage the meditation space. I count touch, sight, hearing. I think it's possible to add the sense of smell without going over the maximum count of 52 words.
Suggest adding in the first sentence after "grass" the phrase " strewn with wildflowers" or some equivalent of your choice.
Then " a caressing breeze" could be replaced by " a scented caressing breeze".
That's a total of four additional words. Two over the limit. If you like the idea I think you can make adjustments in the text to accommodate this change.
Just a suggestion to "enrich the text" as my Latin American colleagues used to say when proposing changes to a draft document during meetings in my working days.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best with the Contest Committee.
Blessings, Cheryl
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Oh what an idyllic scene you paint in words. It could be real or it could be the imaginary space which you enter during meditation. My own meditation space is swimming in the sea accompanied by a great orca.
I love the subtle touches which help you feel at home - the grass carpet, the rock armchair. Beautifully done, Marival.
In this write, you allow the reader to use many senses to engage the meditation space. I count touch, sight, hearing. I think it's possible to add the sense of smell without going over the maximum count of 52 words.
Suggest adding in the first sentence after "grass" the phrase " strewn with wildflowers" or some equivalent of your choice.
Then " a caressing breeze" could be replaced by " a scented caressing breeze".
That's a total of four additional words. Two over the limit. If you like the idea I think you can make adjustments in the text to accommodate this change.
Just a suggestion to "enrich the text" as my Latin American colleagues used to say when proposing changes to a draft document during meetings in my working days.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best with the Contest Committee.
Blessings, Cheryl
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Hello, Cheryl,
Thank you for the helpful and kind review and feedback. The "strewn with wildflowers" sounds perfect but I have to keep it at 50 words.
Swimming with an Orca sounds magnificent. I am afraid of swimming in the open sea. You are very brave. I rather sit by the creek (*=*)
Hugs,
marival
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lol it?s just an imaginary swim! That?s how I meditate. The orca is my spirit guide. I?m not someone who can let my mind go blank. So I imagine the rhythm of swimming in the sea which I find calming and restful
Hugs
Cheryl
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my spirit guide is a wolf :)
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🤗
Comment from Ulla
Oh yes, Marival, I can so so imagine this one. Your words just hit a poetic core with me. What a wonderful imagery.your painting here and the tranquility of it all. I loved it. All the best of luck. Un abrazo, Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Oh yes, Marival, I can so so imagine this one. Your words just hit a poetic core with me. What a wonderful imagery.your painting here and the tranquility of it all. I loved it. All the best of luck. Un abrazo, Ulla xxx
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Gracias, guapa. Te lo agradezco
Marival
Comment from kahpot
To be so at peace and calm within ones self as to be able to hear/connect with all that surrounds you must be so serene and tranquil that you would feel you are part of all, an excellent read, very well presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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To be so at peace and calm within ones self as to be able to hear/connect with all that surrounds you must be so serene and tranquil that you would feel you are part of all, an excellent read, very well presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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You got it! We are part of everything in nature and the universe.
Thank you very much, my friend.
Gypsy
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
sense of serenity that envelops me with a caressing breeze. I'm home, one with the universe.
This is a great feeling isn't it? Awesome work here. All the best going forward.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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sense of serenity that envelops me with a caressing breeze. I'm home, one with the universe.
This is a great feeling isn't it? Awesome work here. All the best going forward.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Yes it's a great feeling. I don't always remember to meditate.
Thank you very much, my friend.
Gypsy
Comment from Heather Knight
I love this. Even though it is prose, it reads like poetry. I think it's very you.
It's filled with serenity.
We should all feel like this although it's not always easy.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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I love this. Even though it is prose, it reads like poetry. I think it's very you.
It's filled with serenity.
We should all feel like this although it's not always easy.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much, my friend.
MariVal
