Pirate Ships
A father and daughter pretend cars are pirate ships36 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
Maybe my mind is just too innocent, but it took me two readings (not having read your endnotes yet) to realize what "He used to see her ev'ry night, right after mama made her rounds" referenced. Then, when I did, my jaw just dropped. Of course, I reread it again and every word fell into place. This is very powerful and very upsetting (as it should be). Yes, I did wonder if she'd done anything that might have caused the crash but, as per your notes, I guess I'll have to keep on wondering. Excellent work, as usual!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Maybe my mind is just too innocent, but it took me two readings (not having read your endnotes yet) to realize what "He used to see her ev'ry night, right after mama made her rounds" referenced. Then, when I did, my jaw just dropped. Of course, I reread it again and every word fell into place. This is very powerful and very upsetting (as it should be). Yes, I did wonder if she'd done anything that might have caused the crash but, as per your notes, I guess I'll have to keep on wondering. Excellent work, as usual!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you again Michele for always being so supportive and encouraging me
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I only do it because you deserve it. 😀
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Thank you
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😀
Comment from Nicki.B
Wow this is deep and sad and frightening. A child should never have to experience abuse, never mind from their own father. There are no words, but your words proclaim it so well. Looks like he got what was coming to him, ain't Karma a b*tch. Excuse my French please. Take care
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Wow this is deep and sad and frightening. A child should never have to experience abuse, never mind from their own father. There are no words, but your words proclaim it so well. Looks like he got what was coming to him, ain't Karma a b*tch. Excuse my French please. Take care
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Nicki. Little children don?t know what to do. They?re told that if they tell anyone, somebody will kill their mom. He will do anything to get them to comply thank you for your encouraging words.
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
The subject matter is raw and heart-breaking, but you do a great job conveying the story in a skilfully crafted abab rhyme sequence that falls naturally onto the page. That's harder to do than it looks, so I salute you for that, Pam. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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The subject matter is raw and heart-breaking, but you do a great job conveying the story in a skilfully crafted abab rhyme sequence that falls naturally onto the page. That's harder to do than it looks, so I salute you for that, Pam. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Shirley. Thank you for your wonderful comments and review. Thank you especially for that sixth star
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
My gosh! I was taken from the start of this poem but I never for a moment saw it coming to this ending. Very powerful and well-written, making tough statements using allegory without hitting the reader over the head with realistic details. Beautiful job.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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My gosh! I was taken from the start of this poem but I never for a moment saw it coming to this ending. Very powerful and well-written, making tough statements using allegory without hitting the reader over the head with realistic details. Beautiful job.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Marilyn for your wonderful comments and a great review. And for the sixth star
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a powerful and moving poem about abuse and its long term consequence on the life of the abused, particularly the impact it has when the abuser dies and is hailed a hero.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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a powerful and moving poem about abuse and its long term consequence on the life of the abused, particularly the impact it has when the abuser dies and is hailed a hero.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Jake. Thank you for your nice review
Comment from nomi338
For wrong deeds there is a payment required. Whether the pain is having to admit your guilt, being charged and sentenced, whether it is at the hands of one seeking revenge. Nevertheless, payment of some sort is required. For some it is having to live with the knowledge of what you have done, and are forced to hope and pray that the truth never comes to light.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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For wrong deeds there is a payment required. Whether the pain is having to admit your guilt, being charged and sentenced, whether it is at the hands of one seeking revenge. Nevertheless, payment of some sort is required. For some it is having to live with the knowledge of what you have done, and are forced to hope and pray that the truth never comes to light.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi nomi. Thank you for your excellent comments and review
Comment from EeanBlack
I think we've all been abused by someone. To be abused by a parent is probably the worst thing I can think of. Mine wasn't a parent but an older female cousin. I learned very young about darkness, yet I'm still here. Reading the posted poems and wonderful stories here gives me unadulterated pleasure. I think healing would be evident in my writing. I'll monitor that. Thanks for the poem. I loved the pirate ship!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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I think we've all been abused by someone. To be abused by a parent is probably the worst thing I can think of. Mine wasn't a parent but an older female cousin. I learned very young about darkness, yet I'm still here. Reading the posted poems and wonderful stories here gives me unadulterated pleasure. I think healing would be evident in my writing. I'll monitor that. Thanks for the poem. I loved the pirate ship!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Eeanblack
Thank you so much for the after star. Thank you also for your encouraging support and wonderful comments.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, WOW! This caught me completely off guard, but what a powerhouse! That poor child! I wonder how the rest of her life will be affected, and don't even like to imagine...
That final stanza is my favourite -- again -- poor little girl!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Oh, WOW! This caught me completely off guard, but what a powerhouse! That poor child! I wonder how the rest of her life will be affected, and don't even like to imagine...
That final stanza is my favourite -- again -- poor little girl!!!!!!!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Dawn. Thank you so much for that sixth star, wonderful comments, and super review
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You are very welcome.
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Pam,
This is a sad poem about an abusive father. It seems her father is great in everyone's eyes but the littler girl. I can never understand how a mother can not tell that something wrong is happening in the house between the child and her husband. But it seems to happen a lot. I hope she didn't have anything to do with the crash. It will haunt her too.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great week.
Joan
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Pam,
This is a sad poem about an abusive father. It seems her father is great in everyone's eyes but the littler girl. I can never understand how a mother can not tell that something wrong is happening in the house between the child and her husband. But it seems to happen a lot. I hope she didn't have anything to do with the crash. It will haunt her too.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great week.
Joan
Comment Written 17-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Joan for your wonderful comments and a super review
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My pleasure, Pam.
Joan
Comment from bob cullen
What a message? And what a provocative poem? So many questions. Any chance of you providing answers in a follow-up? Or do we readers have to draw our own conclusions. Superbly written. You've left the reader wanting more. That's good writing.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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What a message? And what a provocative poem? So many questions. Any chance of you providing answers in a follow-up? Or do we readers have to draw our own conclusions. Superbly written. You've left the reader wanting more. That's good writing.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Bob. The story starts at the father?s funeral. He is being buried as a hero (hence the folded flag being given to mama)
Second stanza talks about a secret. The little girl has. A secret that nobody knows the half of it not her siblings or her mama.
The fouth stanza talks about the innocent times when she and her dad used to pretend cars were pirate ships.
The last two stances are pretty self-explanatory. She wished her dad dead because he?d been abusing her. I left a question about whether she had anything to do with the car crash.
Thank you for the nice review