Morning
A story about being satisfied.3 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am a early riser myself and I understand the serenity that early morning gives us. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I wish it had a better solution, but at least this person was at peace. That's important. Good luck with the contest.
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I am a early riser myself and I understand the serenity that early morning gives us. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I wish it had a better solution, but at least this person was at peace. That's important. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your flash fiction beautifully captures a serene and poignant moment. The contrast between the peaceful sunrise and the protagonist's acceptance of their situation creates a powerful impact. The imagery of lying in the grass and reflecting on beautiful moments adds a sense of tranquility and resolution.
For punctuation, consider adding a comma after "morning" to separate the clauses: "So, when I couldn't take another step on that warm morning, it felt oddly peaceful as I lay in the grass staring at the sky." This minor adjustment will improve the flow of your narrative.
And though the phrase "had had" is grammatically correct, it can be awkward. You might simplify it to avoid repetition, such as:
"I thought of all the beautiful moments I had experienced..."
This revision clarifies the past experiences without the repetitive "had had."
This may be my favorite so far!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Your flash fiction beautifully captures a serene and poignant moment. The contrast between the peaceful sunrise and the protagonist's acceptance of their situation creates a powerful impact. The imagery of lying in the grass and reflecting on beautiful moments adds a sense of tranquility and resolution.
For punctuation, consider adding a comma after "morning" to separate the clauses: "So, when I couldn't take another step on that warm morning, it felt oddly peaceful as I lay in the grass staring at the sky." This minor adjustment will improve the flow of your narrative.
And though the phrase "had had" is grammatically correct, it can be awkward. You might simplify it to avoid repetition, such as:
"I thought of all the beautiful moments I had experienced..."
This revision clarifies the past experiences without the repetitive "had had."
This may be my favorite so far!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Hey Patty, thank you so much for this review! I really like your revisions and think they would add to the work. I agree that good writing should really flow, and this will help me do better in the future. I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)
Comment from Jodi Ann Anderson
You packed a lot in a small amount of space! This was so beautiful and gave lovely imagery. Wow! I wish you the best of luck in this flash fiction story. Thanks for sharing this!
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You packed a lot in a small amount of space! This was so beautiful and gave lovely imagery. Wow! I wish you the best of luck in this flash fiction story. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2024
