Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Excellent

Some people should not be allowed to have kids. Ever. They should come back in the next incarnation as a special needs kid and see what that is like. Good writing. Karen

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024

Thanks, Karen. Most characters have something redeeming about them, but I've decided to keep her one-sided. She gets worse as the novel progresses.

Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Jim,
isn't this just like life? Everything is going along just fine and then disaster strikes. Just what she needed. To make matters worse, her ever compassionate mother now has fuel to add to the fire of condemnation. Poor kid. It's nice that Brian is empathetic to the plight of his girlfriend. Well done Jim.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024

Thanks, Tom. Yep, I guess that's what life is: facing challenges as they come along. But they make you stronger for it in the long run if they don't beat you down totally. It sure helps to have others watching your back, though. We'll get to see what kind of support they can give each other in the coming chapters.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

This is structurally well written. You seem to have a good writing and editing method. Keep up the good work. It may be a matter of personal style, but I do wonder about the high emotional characteristics and general nature of you male protagonists.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024

I do have a very strict editing method when I write. Initially, I just get it down on paper, but before I post each chapter, I go through it with a fine-tooth comb, first trying to weed out unnecessary words and phrases, then sending it through a grammar-checker program. Then I continue to tweak some more, then I finally post it. When I get some reviews that I think are valid, I then go back and tweak it again.

Tony Fawcus pointed out that I had a little too much unnecessary backstory in the original posting, and I agreed with him when I took another look at it, so I went back and rewrote the chapter and shortened it by about 400 words. You read the pre-shortened version. It's much tighter now. If I were to ever attempt to publish this (which I doubt), I would go through it all yet again. It's hard to know when to stop.

Just curious, what in particular do you question about the male protagonists? They are certainly not the macho type but are more emotional and cerebral perhaps. I personally enjoy reading about the macho types like Jack Reacher and Harry Bosch, but they just aren't the type to be my leading men, probably because I'm not one myself.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Julia's mother may have music in her veins but she has no compassion in her heart for her daughter. I've been waiting for a downer, I think this will be a big thing for this couple. A good read, Jim.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024

Yeah, let's see if they can weather this storm and maybe come out stronger in the end. Time will tell.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

I enjoyed the conversation between Brian and Fran but thought there was quite a bit of backstory following it before you got to the disaster in the bowling alley and the reaction of Julia's mother. That and the strengthening of Brian's relationship with Julia were the real meat in this chapter.

both her parents were heavily committed to work (at the time) and could not take (time) off

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2024

I always appreciate the good advice in your reviews, Tony. I took another look at this chapter and decided it really doesn't need all that backstory. I will cut a bunch out.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Oh boy. Can this be the start of a relapse on either kids part? I mean this is devastating to both for different reasons.

Julia's mother is a real piece of work, so much more concerned with the audition first as opposed to her daughters well being.

Okay, Jim. This can go in numerous directions, but I'll be patient and wait

Cheers, my friend.
John

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024

You're right, John. Lots of ways this could go. I hope you enjoy the way I chose.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Exceptional

Loved the conversation between sister and brother. And, as long as I've owned cats, I did not know they purr in order to soothe themselves; I though they only did so when they were happy.

"NC State University" - I would spell out North Carolina since not everyone is expected to know and it is the first time you are using it in the chapter.

Oh, dear, this worries me. Not because she's injured, but because I fear her mother's awful behavior will drive her back to her addiction. I hate parents who think only of themselves.

Jim, I haven't been reviewing much, really just book chapters, so I have three "sixes" left today. I'm giving you one because I actually look forward to reading yours (and that's not true of everything here).

Have a great weekend.

xo
Pam

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024

Thanks for your wonderful review, Pam, and for the honor of a 6th star. I'm also honored to be on your "must read" list.

My cat, Archie, actually purrs when we clip his claws, however, it's a two-man job. Elise holds him with her hand grasping the scruff of his neck (very important step), while I clip, but he purrs while we're doing it. Always cat-treats afterwards too. I've read that the purring is to soothe themselves, and I believe it because he really doesn't like getting his claws clipped.

This is the kids' first real test following rehab, so let's see if they can help each other through it without resorting to drugs.

Thanks for your suggestion too. I changed it.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Julia's mother is really a miserable person. She probably hasn't succeeded in her own career, as much as she thinks she should have, because she is so critical of everyone. I know nothing about playing the violin, but I hope Julia can succeed in changing her technique.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024

A similar thing happened to my son when he was playing the viola in high school. He broke a finger on his string hand and actually was still able to play without it by finding some substitute fingerings for notes. Let's see if Julia can adapt.

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 26-Jul-2024

Good idea to use something you know can be done for the stringed instrument crowd.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Well, if Julia still loves Brian even after the potential of losing her career as a violinist, I guess they have a really strong bond. After being raised by such a mother, she could have easily blamed him for the accident but she didn't. I guess she'll find a way to change her technique in ten days.
I like how you foreshadowed the accident with the warning from her mother.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 26-Jul-2024

Being the first real test following rehab, we'll get to see if their bond can help get them through this without resorting to drugs. Technique changes are possible, as my son, who plays the viola, once had to make when he broke a finger--on his string hand no less. He was able to find alternate fingerings for the notes that finger normally produced.

reply by lyenochka on 26-Jul-2024

Wow! So you have real life examples of this. I remember one famous violinist cut her finger while cooking and wasn't able to play again. 😲

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I can my daughter who played netball, similar to basketball but not quite the same, but still played internationally, it.has been an event in the Olympics, auditioning for the Conservatorium, she was a brilliant flautist, the flute which needs healthy nimble fingers, but she was fortunate, but you can't shut yourself, Julia's mother was very similar to my mother in law, beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2024

---

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024

Thanks, Roy. My former son-in-law was a pianist who was very protective of his hands, and refused to do anything that might jeopardize them, like using a sharp knife. Pardon my crudity, but he was a pussy.

reply by royowen on 25-Jul-2024

I agree, we were mindful of a holistic life experience for our girls. They deserve it. Bless you Jim,