DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 21"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
19 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow, okay! This I didn't expect. A couple of things that gave me pause here:
1) Even though this was their first time, they schtup like porn stars. That didn't seem authentic to me. They had no awkwardness whatsoever? Even seasoned schtuppers don't have an easy-peasy time of it on their debut flight together! And eighteen-year-old girls aren't in tune with their bodies enough yet - or confident enough schtupping partners - to do the 'no, not there; here...and like THIS!' schtick.
2.) Before the most important audition of her life, thishtick. doesn't seem like what would be in her best interest. I can see them doing a post-audition, celebration schtupp (after schtupp after schtupp) but beforehand? A girl as disciplined and perfectionistic as she? I don't see it.
2) For girls, sex the first few times is way more pain than pleasure. And it's all-consuming afterward. Her thoughts would NEVER be able to remain on her music. (I'm a seasoned schtupper, and I never-but-never indulge before a Recital or a musical performance of any kind. I want the pent-up 'edge,' not to feel relaxed and sexually satisfied. Think of a boxer before a fight.)
3) Although you described 'The Act' well, because they're kids, I kind of felt like a pervert being there in the room with them. I'm certainly no prude, but this didn't feel titillating to me.
4.) I cannot imagine being Helen's level of 'cool' if my friend - especially one as uptight as Julia's mother - has put me in the Responsible Adult position for her prodigy-daughter - eighteen or not! - the night before her audition into the premium music school in the land, and I let her stay in a hotel room with her recovering drug addict boyfriend. Women like Helen don't have Bohemian friends.
5.) Also, why was she going to be able to play just a portion of her piece for the audition? I auditioned for Juliard...and granted, that was a half century ago...but no one played only a portion of an audition piece!
So these are my thoughts. As always, they are potentially worth the price of the paper they're written on...oh, wait a minute...
Xoxoxo
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2024
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Wow, okay! This I didn't expect. A couple of things that gave me pause here:
1) Even though this was their first time, they schtup like porn stars. That didn't seem authentic to me. They had no awkwardness whatsoever? Even seasoned schtuppers don't have an easy-peasy time of it on their debut flight together! And eighteen-year-old girls aren't in tune with their bodies enough yet - or confident enough schtupping partners - to do the 'no, not there; here...and like THIS!' schtick.
2.) Before the most important audition of her life, thishtick. doesn't seem like what would be in her best interest. I can see them doing a post-audition, celebration schtupp (after schtupp after schtupp) but beforehand? A girl as disciplined and perfectionistic as she? I don't see it.
2) For girls, sex the first few times is way more pain than pleasure. And it's all-consuming afterward. Her thoughts would NEVER be able to remain on her music. (I'm a seasoned schtupper, and I never-but-never indulge before a Recital or a musical performance of any kind. I want the pent-up 'edge,' not to feel relaxed and sexually satisfied. Think of a boxer before a fight.)
3) Although you described 'The Act' well, because they're kids, I kind of felt like a pervert being there in the room with them. I'm certainly no prude, but this didn't feel titillating to me.
4.) I cannot imagine being Helen's level of 'cool' if my friend - especially one as uptight as Julia's mother - has put me in the Responsible Adult position for her prodigy-daughter - eighteen or not! - the night before her audition into the premium music school in the land, and I let her stay in a hotel room with her recovering drug addict boyfriend. Women like Helen don't have Bohemian friends.
5.) Also, why was she going to be able to play just a portion of her piece for the audition? I auditioned for Juliard...and granted, that was a half century ago...but no one played only a portion of an audition piece!
So these are my thoughts. As always, they are potentially worth the price of the paper they're written on...oh, wait a minute...
Xoxoxo
Comment Written 03-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2024
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I loved your review, Rachelle! Very, very interesting (and amusing) remarks here. Coming from a seasoned musician and performer (and schtupper!) like yourself, it certainly adds more weight to your remarks. I'm sure you may be right about some of it. I could give you a defense for some of this, at least some other possibilities to consider. Would you like to hear it?
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Of COURSE!!! Yes!
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Of COURSE!!! Yes!
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Okay, here goes, and it isn't with the intention of arguing with you because you made many honest and, I'm sure, accurate observations. It's only because I love these sort of reviews and the discussions that ensue. That's one of the things I really enjoy here at FanStory, because there are a few of you who I can really talk about the writing with. I love the back and forth because there are so few in my world I can really discuss writing with. My wife and daughter are two and perhaps one or two friends, but that's about it.
Concerning your 5 points:
1. I think there was a certain amount of awkwardness in their first time. After all, Brian spent his initial load in the first 10 seconds then followed it up with some awkward handling for which he needed guidance from a patient Julia. After that it went pretty well.
I guess, at the expense of extreme accuracy, I didn't want to make it too awkward because I feel readers would rather read about a more sensual experience and not a lot of amateurish fumbling around. Nor did I mean it to be over-titillating, but just a nice experience that some could relate to. Your point about young first-time girls being that in-tune with their needs is well-taken, though.
2. You may be right about most girls in Julia's position in this regard--that they wouldn't even want to think about sex before a big audition. Maybe this is just a male fantasy, but I'd like to think it would serve to get her mind off the audition. Perhaps when they did it, she wasn't even thinking about the audition, she was so turned on and eager to do it. Again, the male fantasy. But... maybe some girls would be like this?
Remember that Julia was willing to take barbiturates to calm her down before auditions, so I'm not sure how much of that "competitive edge" she sought.
As far as pain during the first few times, I can only tell you from experience that it isn't that way for everyone, especially when well-lubricated, which Julia seemed to be. It wasn't painful for my wife as we both recall (we were virgins the first time we did it) and about the same age.
3. I can understand your being a little turned off by their youth here. I think that's valid and a personal thing.
4. We don't know that much about Helen. Though I really didn't characterize her at all, I think there are several possible ways to take her. Perhaps she did spill the beans about Julia to her mother, but as I make clear in chapter 22, Julia is beginning to take an "I don't really care what Mother thinks anymore" attitude and just may not care whether or not she tells her.
Another possibility is that Julia's mother's "friend," Helen, isn't quite the friend you assume she is. It's conceivable that she enjoys Julia's company and is happy to put her up for a few nights, but actually can't stand Julia's mother and wouldn't bother to tell her anything about Julia's shenanigans.
She may also have been impressed by Brian's willingness to drive all that way just to help calm Julia down too, so she wouldn't want to share unkind gossip about him with Julia's mother. We just don't really know. I suppose I could clarify it, but maybe it's okay to let readers think what they will sometimes. I don't know.
5. As far as playing only a portion of her audition pieces, I think I'm on solid ground here. I read about it first, then I listened to a YouTube video of a pianist who got into Juilliard, and he described it exactly that way--bits and pieces of his repertoire that they wanted to hear. My daughter auditioned there for a masters degree in clarinet, and that's also how she described her audition in 2003. Perhaps they just do it differently now.
At any rate, Rachelle, please don't ever hesitate to share your opinions with me; it can only help improve the stories and the writing, which is what some of us here are after. I do mull things over and often make changes as a result, and I will keep mulling over your review.
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I always feel totally comfortable telling you my honest impressions, Jim, because I know you are receiving them in the spirit in which I'm offering them up. You have no ego whatsoever, and I respect and admire that about you.
Now it's MY turn to mull things over!! Thanks for the follow-ups; I really do appreciate them. xoxo
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BTW, I keep checking Amazon for Ghost since Lea announced its publication date of August 1, 2024. Can't find it. Do you know what the story is?
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Oh, it got delayed a week because her family got an injunction. But it's dropping this coming Monday, no matter what.
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My goodness. That family! Glad to hear it will be out Monday.
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I agree! They are the WORST!! They hired someone to run her off the road and try to kill her! But they have a lot at stake: their reputation, their income, their status, etc. Still, what a bunch of psychopaths!! Oy!
Comment from T B Botts
Holy Cats Jim!
I don't think I was expecting such a descriptive encounter between the two teen lovers. I feel like I need to take a cold shower now. The first time can be clumsy and nerve racking, but so exciting that your heart feels like it will pound out of your chest. You sound like a guy who knows what he's talking about, and it appears that it was well received, even by the more conservative readers here. Well done my friend. I'm glad Julia doesn't have to worry about pregnancy, that would put a real damper on her career and possibly her future with Brian.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2024
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Holy Cats Jim!
I don't think I was expecting such a descriptive encounter between the two teen lovers. I feel like I need to take a cold shower now. The first time can be clumsy and nerve racking, but so exciting that your heart feels like it will pound out of your chest. You sound like a guy who knows what he's talking about, and it appears that it was well received, even by the more conservative readers here. Well done my friend. I'm glad Julia doesn't have to worry about pregnancy, that would put a real damper on her career and possibly her future with Brian.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 03-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2024
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Thanks so much, Tom. I appreciate your analysis here. Yes, I would say there might be a touch of personal experience within this scene. I mean, we write what we know, right?
I was hoping it wouldn't offend anyone, and it seems to have been well received, so I guess it was the right amount of explicitness (explicity?) Some people worried about pregnancy, but that would have distracted from the major plot to bring that in.
Comment from Neonewman
Jim, I wasn't expecting all that, lol. What an exceptional piece you have delivered with a punch. (Pun intended) You hit all the right words, explaining their lovemaking without vulgarity. My friend, this is hard to do, but you navigated this brilliantly. I'm happy for them and for her getting into Juilliard.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024
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Jim, I wasn't expecting all that, lol. What an exceptional piece you have delivered with a punch. (Pun intended) You hit all the right words, explaining their lovemaking without vulgarity. My friend, this is hard to do, but you navigated this brilliantly. I'm happy for them and for her getting into Juilliard.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 02-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024
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Thank you very much, Steve. Although I make a number of sexual references in previous novels, like the other one you are reading, this is the first time I've written an explicit scene, and I'm glad to have pulled it off without getting vulgar.
This actually serves a greater purpose in the story, as the endorphins created during sex play an important role in Brian's research and attempts to create a painkiller divorced from the extreme pleasure they tend to generate that is such a factor in addiction.
I appreciate the 6 stars too!
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Well-deserved sixer, my friend. I love the little references you have spent before, but this one took it to the next level. I'm sure some folks will get a little fussy about sex, but it's a natural thing, and you did it well.
By the way, I found an easier way to edit my work. I enlarged the font while editing. Things were much clearer.
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Thanks again, Steve. Why don't you keep the font larger when posting it too? Easier for all us old fogies to read that way.
It looks like you use the standard editor for posting. Is that correct? I know there are issues with double-spacing if you copy+paste from Word when using the advanced editor, but there are ways around that for keeping your text single-spaced, although it does take a little more work. However, you will have better control of the final result with the advanced editor.
If you're interested, I can tell you some of the tips and tricks in using it.
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I would be interested, I've tried it before but had issues.
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FS Tom explained to me once that the double space problem is a Word problem which they can't get around if you do a simple copy+paste operation of single-spaced text from Word. But what you can do is copy from Word in the normal way (ctrl+c) but instead of pasting into the advanced editor using ctrl+v, do a ctrl+shift+v instead. This will strip all Word formatting (like italics and bolding and centering) but it will preserve the single spacing.
There is a cost to this, however, which is that not only do you lose the Word formatting, but you also lose any blank lines you've put between paragraphs. But, it's not that difficult to put the spacing back in once in the advanced editor and the italics and bolding too. Then, you can make the font any one in the dropdown list and any size in the dropdown list.
Is it worth it for all that? Depends on how you want your postings to look. You'll have to make that call.
One caveat: When entering book chapters, a weird thing happens that doesn't happen when entering a story or poem. Although the initial setup of the screen is the advanced editor when you first get there, if you want to include a picture and do the required steps to bring in a picture, for some strange reason (it's a bug which they haven't yet fixed) when the screen comes back with the picture, the editor has changed to the basic editor. Then if you click on the advanced editor link to get it back, you lose everything you've put in so far (title, subtitle, etc.)
So here's the procedure to follow so you don't lose anything and have to retype it. Once you've chosen the picture to use, and the screen comes back with the basic editor in place now, don't key in the title or subtitle yet, but scroll the screen down and click on the use advanced editor link first (just beneath the textbox.) Now the screen will be set up properly to enter the information and the text into the correct editor, and nothing will be lost (because you haven't entered it yet).
I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten to do it this way and have had to key in the title and subtitle a second time. Aarrgh! I've pointed this quirk out to FS Tom, but he hasn't taken any action to fix it in more than a year.
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Jesus that sounds like it's above my pay grade. I will try it soon and appreciate the help, as always.
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Yeah, try it once to see. It may not be worth it and can take a bit of mucking around, but it can also be kind of fun in a way if you enjoy that sort of thing.
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That sounds good if I have the patience.
Comment from tfawcus
I'm hopeless at writing sex scenes and am overawed by your ability to make this such a natural extension of their love for each other, which has been building to this climax for a few chapters now. I was so afraid that something would go wrong at this late stage, canning Julia's chances of getting into the Juilliard. I guess they found a better way of relaxing her than barbiturates!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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I'm hopeless at writing sex scenes and am overawed by your ability to make this such a natural extension of their love for each other, which has been building to this climax for a few chapters now. I was so afraid that something would go wrong at this late stage, canning Julia's chances of getting into the Juilliard. I guess they found a better way of relaxing her than barbiturates!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Thanks, Tony. I appreciate your kind remarks and the 6 stars. Yes, these two discovered a very effective way for Julia to deal with nerves. I think from now on, Brian is really going to look forward to her performances!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Wow, Jim, this is totally unlike anything I've ever read from you! I was going to ask how you did research for the Julliard auditions; now I'm wondering how you did research for the sex scene between two young people. Oh, never mind, I've got it, lol!
I'm shocked that Julia's mother didn't interfere with Brian and Julia's relationship in some way. She had to have known he was in New York from Helen.
What's next? I guess they will be apart when they both go to school.
A steamy chapter, Jim. Was it a challenge writing that, as it's not something you normally do. I would think it was hard to share it with the readers here, also, but it was necessary when talking about young love. I read some posts here of men and women in love and waiting for months until they get married to sleep together. I think that's unrealistic and unhealthy myself.
Thanks for a great chapter.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Wow, Jim, this is totally unlike anything I've ever read from you! I was going to ask how you did research for the Julliard auditions; now I'm wondering how you did research for the sex scene between two young people. Oh, never mind, I've got it, lol!
I'm shocked that Julia's mother didn't interfere with Brian and Julia's relationship in some way. She had to have known he was in New York from Helen.
What's next? I guess they will be apart when they both go to school.
A steamy chapter, Jim. Was it a challenge writing that, as it's not something you normally do. I would think it was hard to share it with the readers here, also, but it was necessary when talking about young love. I read some posts here of men and women in love and waiting for months until they get married to sleep together. I think that's unrealistic and unhealthy myself.
Thanks for a great chapter.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Yeah, this is new for me. I've had a few brief sexual references in past novels, but this is the first time I've gotten explicit.
There will eventually be some interference from Julia's mother. I'm not sure whether or not Helen would have told her about it, but even if she did, I think Julia, especially now that she is 18, is slowly developing an "I don't care what you think" attitude towards her mother as Brian is helping to liberate her.
Whether or not they can stay together during 4 years of college remains to be seen. My son and his wife were high school sweethearts who managed to stay together through 4 years of college in different states, so it's possible.
This was not as difficult to write as I thought it might be, once I got going. The most challenging part was to not get too crude about it and keep it tasteful enough not to offend my readers, which it seems like I managed to do. Most seemed to enjoy it.
Part of the motivation for writing it this way was also because I will be further exploring what happens in the body during sex in regards to the production of endorphins and dopamine, because it's these substances that are also produced by opioids and largely responsible for their great appeal. I thought I would need a steamy sex scene to give this proper context. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!)
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I loved the -I guess we'll figure it out together - from the two lovebirds. who obviously decided, as many of us did, that practice makes perfect. I'm glad this was a happy weekend for these two, and another good chapter Jim. I'm sure these scenes are harder to write, but you did well.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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I loved the -I guess we'll figure it out together - from the two lovebirds. who obviously decided, as many of us did, that practice makes perfect. I'm glad this was a happy weekend for these two, and another good chapter Jim. I'm sure these scenes are harder to write, but you did well.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Thank you, Valda. I appreciate your remarks. This is the first time I've gotten that graphic in one of my novels, and I'm glad it came out alright and didn't seem to offend anyone so far.
Comment from lancellot
Finally... just kidding.
notes:
"Are you sure you want to?"
_ I recommend losing some of his tone. He is too nice and soft. At this point (maybe sooner by months) a man's drive would take over. Jules is practically taking the lead. (This was the same with the former teacher in your last book.)
- So, should the reader assume they did nothing more than kiss before this, through all the time they were together? Again, that is not what most men would do. They would try for more than a kiss, sooner. Brian doesn't feel her up, make out, stare at her boobs or butt. He doesn't even describe her body, and it's first person. He barely flirts. Yes, he repeats he loves her, but... why? What has she done to be loved? Do his palms sweat for her? Does he get a boner when she's nearby? Does he dream about her? Does she smell good to him?
Here's my main point. Brian is not balanced. This isn't against you. There are many authors on FS who weekly write their male MCs like this (though most skip the sex. I give you props for going there. And yes, I get that you waited until 18.)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Finally... just kidding.
notes:
"Are you sure you want to?"
_ I recommend losing some of his tone. He is too nice and soft. At this point (maybe sooner by months) a man's drive would take over. Jules is practically taking the lead. (This was the same with the former teacher in your last book.)
- So, should the reader assume they did nothing more than kiss before this, through all the time they were together? Again, that is not what most men would do. They would try for more than a kiss, sooner. Brian doesn't feel her up, make out, stare at her boobs or butt. He doesn't even describe her body, and it's first person. He barely flirts. Yes, he repeats he loves her, but... why? What has she done to be loved? Do his palms sweat for her? Does he get a boner when she's nearby? Does he dream about her? Does she smell good to him?
Here's my main point. Brian is not balanced. This isn't against you. There are many authors on FS who weekly write their male MCs like this (though most skip the sex. I give you props for going there. And yes, I get that you waited until 18.)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Why thanks, Lance. I'm glad you (mostly) enjoyed it, and I appreciate your suggestions. I guess the main reason for Brian's being extra-sensitive about Julia wanting to do it was because his whole purpose in driving up there was to help allay her feelings of anxiety before her audition. He was worried about her taking drugs again. Because of this, he didn't want to do anything to possibly cause her more stress, such as trying to force sex on her before she felt ready for it.
As far as petting and such up to this point, I only said their hands went places they had never been before. In my own mind, this meant genitals, not necessarily boobs.
I would actually agree with you that Brian is not your typical youth of today. He's more cerebral, and he's learned from his past mistakes with Sandi not to be such a jerk as he had been with her. What he loves about Julia is her intelligence and her great talent and focus, and he also thinks she's adorable. They have a similar sense of humor, and she's damn good at chess too. He sees her as a real soulmate. So, yeah, he's not typical, and he definitely has some weaknesses, which you will see more of later in the story.
As in my last story, his character goes through somewhat of an evolution, and hopefully we'll see by the end what it takes for him to be successful in life.
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent chapter and it seems appropriate for them to consummate their love together in a place which will be very special just for the two of them and away from her mother's pressure and disapproval about everything. Brian was a considerate and respectful lover. I just hope she doesn't become pregnant.
Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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An excellent chapter and it seems appropriate for them to consummate their love together in a place which will be very special just for the two of them and away from her mother's pressure and disapproval about everything. Brian was a considerate and respectful lover. I just hope she doesn't become pregnant.
Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Yeah, that would surely spoil things. Fear not; no kids for now. Thanks for your great review, Wendy.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
They knew how to have a good time and comfort each other in a special way. Her mother will have a stroke when she finds out how much fun they had. Her father will just worry. Now they will worry as they are apart most of the time for four years
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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They knew how to have a good time and comfort each other in a special way. Her mother will have a stroke when she finds out how much fun they had. Her father will just worry. Now they will worry as they are apart most of the time for four years
Comment Written 31-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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Although hesitant about it at first because he didn't want to possibly add to her stress level (since he had gone up there to help relieve her stress) he realized that's what she wanted, and it ended up helping allay her anxiety, and she felt fairly relaxed at the audition.
Yes, it may be tough for them being apart for four years, but my son and his high school sweetheart stayed together despite going to college in different states, and they've been married for 15 years now, so there's hope.
Comment from jmdg1954
If I think back to your other novels, this is a first in your bringing sexual situation in detail to your story. You managed to give enough detail without a lot of vulgar detail... bravo!
I also thought that was an important process in your story, which I dimply do not know what's happening next. Isn't that what a good story is supposed to give?
Excellent, Jim!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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If I think back to your other novels, this is a first in your bringing sexual situation in detail to your story. You managed to give enough detail without a lot of vulgar detail... bravo!
I also thought that was an important process in your story, which I dimply do not know what's happening next. Isn't that what a good story is supposed to give?
Excellent, Jim!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2024
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You're right, John. This is the first time I've gotten explicit, but I think it was warranted here because their relationship is such a big part of the story. Also, what happens in the body during sex is quite relevant to the major theme of the story, as we will eventually get back to the creation of his painkiller introduced in the prologue.