New Moon
lyrics for a solar eclipse8 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I enjoyed reading this and each verse got a little stranger than the one before but I didn't mind since I enjoyed it so much more that way. I read each verse which had a different color and it progressed into a blazing glory of moonlight fun as you danced by the seat of your pants and glided with the love in your arms.
Thanks for the trip down along the moonlit night.
Jesse
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I enjoyed reading this and each verse got a little stranger than the one before but I didn't mind since I enjoyed it so much more that way. I read each verse which had a different color and it progressed into a blazing glory of moonlight fun as you danced by the seat of your pants and glided with the love in your arms.
Thanks for the trip down along the moonlit night.
Jesse
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thank you Jesse for your most poetic, thoughtful and kind review.
🦍
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You're welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, New Moon, gives great powers to the beaming nighttime globe which draws attention and promises something new and exciting to someone needing both.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
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This poem, New Moon, gives great powers to the beaming nighttime globe which draws attention and promises something new and exciting to someone needing both.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
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Thanks Bill for your signature succinct yet densely packed review! 🦍
Comment from tempeste
Moonscape and your poem were the two entries that stood out for me.
I had no clue you had written "New Moon" until I checked your portfolio now.
It's not your usual style and I found it intriguing so
" Moonscape " got my vote and you got the six star review.
I have been a sci fi nerd since I was a kid. My grandfather bought me a tiny telescope and I would spy on the moon.
I never caught a solar eclipse that makes a new moon visible while its shadow is cast on Earth
In ancient times it must have been a terrifying experience , hence they thought doom was upon them.
I read that the moon especially during an eclipse can creates mood swings in people and even affect their mental health.
There are flowers that bloom under the glow of the moon , some even only once during August's full moon.
I had to google :
Stella Maris" ("Star of the Sea") which refers to the Virgin Mary who protected the seafarers.
And
beams of Theia : the Greek goddess of sight.
My favourite stanza :
Fuel the fire with evening rising
oceans full of lunatics
hearts unfold Iike flowers before me
in the dark I rise anew
PS: I like the three colours representing the white, blue and blood red moon.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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Moonscape and your poem were the two entries that stood out for me.
I had no clue you had written "New Moon" until I checked your portfolio now.
It's not your usual style and I found it intriguing so
" Moonscape " got my vote and you got the six star review.
I have been a sci fi nerd since I was a kid. My grandfather bought me a tiny telescope and I would spy on the moon.
I never caught a solar eclipse that makes a new moon visible while its shadow is cast on Earth
In ancient times it must have been a terrifying experience , hence they thought doom was upon them.
I read that the moon especially during an eclipse can creates mood swings in people and even affect their mental health.
There are flowers that bloom under the glow of the moon , some even only once during August's full moon.
I had to google :
Stella Maris" ("Star of the Sea") which refers to the Virgin Mary who protected the seafarers.
And
beams of Theia : the Greek goddess of sight.
My favourite stanza :
Fuel the fire with evening rising
oceans full of lunatics
hearts unfold Iike flowers before me
in the dark I rise anew
PS: I like the three colours representing the white, blue and blood red moon.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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I hadn't even consciously thought of the moon colors with the text and you picked up on a lot with your review. I've written these lyrics over a considerable period of time (7 years) over many drafts and merges of different songs, so it was an entirely different writing process from my "normal" stuff. I think a 2026 eclipse is supposed to pass over Spain, Portugal and Iceland, so you may get a chance if you feel like taking a drive.
The stanza you liked the most is adapted, rather heretically, from the hymn lyrics of this song which in turn were trying to Christianize Beethoven. I suppose my lyrics pervert both Beethoven's text and the hymn lyrics, with a bit more mythology thrown in, as you noticed : )
Thanks for a stellar review. 🦍
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I hadn't even consciously thought of the moon colors with the text and you picked up on a lot with your review. I've written these lyrics over a considerable period of time (7 years) over many drafts and merges of different songs, so it was an entirely different writing process from my "normal" stuff. I think a 2026 eclipse is supposed to pass over Spain, Portugal and Iceland, so you may get a chance if you feel like taking a drive.
The stanza you liked the most is adapted, rather heretically, from the hymn lyrics of this song which in turn were trying to Christianize Beethoven. I suppose my lyrics pervert both Beethoven's text and the hymn lyrics, with a bit more mythology thrown in, as you noticed : )
Thanks for a stellar review. 🦍
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem has a captivating, almost surreal quality that draws readers into its night-time imagery and mystical themes. The interplay between light and darkness, reality and imagination, creates a dreamlike atmosphere that is both intriguing and evocative. The rhythm and rhyme flow well, giving the piece a musical quality that enhances the experience of reading it. Lines like "Trippin the switch inside of your mind" and "oceans full of lunatics" stand out for their vivid and imaginative language, painting strong visuals that linger in the mind.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Your poem has a captivating, almost surreal quality that draws readers into its night-time imagery and mystical themes. The interplay between light and darkness, reality and imagination, creates a dreamlike atmosphere that is both intriguing and evocative. The rhythm and rhyme flow well, giving the piece a musical quality that enhances the experience of reading it. Lines like "Trippin the switch inside of your mind" and "oceans full of lunatics" stand out for their vivid and imaginative language, painting strong visuals that linger in the mind.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Thank you Patty for this wonderfully descriptive and thoughtful review. 🦍
Comment from Caperton Tissot
This poem is wild and wonderful. While I don't understand each line, I do feel the love and desire and the wild metaphor with the light and moon and I think the emotional impact of a poem is most important. I like the wording and sentence structure.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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This poem is wild and wonderful. While I don't understand each line, I do feel the love and desire and the wild metaphor with the light and moon and I think the emotional impact of a poem is most important. I like the wording and sentence structure.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thank you very much, Caperton. 🦍
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi
This is a good use of extended metaphor, personification and Greek mythology to show the effects of the eclipse. I assume the white font is supposed to be like the chorus.
Hope it does well with the prompt
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great day.
Joan
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Hi
This is a good use of extended metaphor, personification and Greek mythology to show the effects of the eclipse. I assume the white font is supposed to be like the chorus.
Hope it does well with the prompt
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great day.
Joan
Comment Written 17-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Yes. White is chorus, red is bridge. Thank you Joan for the thoughtful comments and kind review. 🦍
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You're most kindly welcome, SS.
Comment from royowen
The works of the past, particularly of these past and near past works that test the boundaries of obscurity, ambiguity and the abstract are interesting to me, because my views are more pragmatic with a moral compass, which seems to be missing today, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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The works of the past, particularly of these past and near past works that test the boundaries of obscurity, ambiguity and the abstract are interesting to me, because my views are more pragmatic with a moral compass, which seems to be missing today, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thank you for the thoughtful words, Roy. Yes the magnetic effect of the moon has a certain pull on people, which is what this is all about -- with a shout-out to the flood, the moon turning to darkness, and the associated mythology. This was a very different sort of work than what I am accustomed to writing and has been through a lot of changes. 🦍
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Well done
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
There is another writer on here that post song lyrics. I don't know if you're the same person I was wondering, do you have a video or audio of somebody singing this song because I think it was very helpful when I reviewed her song it didn't seem like it could be made into a song. I actually heard this song, which is quite good. So if you have a video of someone singing or audio, you should post it because it helps people understand how the music is taking off with your writings.
Do you know how you have to have rhythm? Sometimes you don't have to have that rhythm you just sometimes Even if one line is a lot longer than the other. It's just the emphasis of the singer emphasizing the syllables that can make one line that is longer on paper fit into the same music
Did you have a chorus? If you had the chorus, did you do it here in your post? What part of it was the chorus?
I think your song is actually very beautiful and as mysterious as the moon is. But I'm not sure I see where the solar eclipse comes in for the moon. I think it's because the whole sky goes dark and the moon stands out because it's still there whether it's daytime or night time.
Daytime moons are beautiful for some reason even if it's a clear sky, you can see huge daytime moon on the horizon. Somehow, they seem closer than the nighttime moon does They are bigger
This poem is very deep. I'm impressed, but I also would like to hear the song. If that's at all possible
I enjoyed reading your song lyrics
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2024
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Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
There is another writer on here that post song lyrics. I don't know if you're the same person I was wondering, do you have a video or audio of somebody singing this song because I think it was very helpful when I reviewed her song it didn't seem like it could be made into a song. I actually heard this song, which is quite good. So if you have a video of someone singing or audio, you should post it because it helps people understand how the music is taking off with your writings.
Do you know how you have to have rhythm? Sometimes you don't have to have that rhythm you just sometimes Even if one line is a lot longer than the other. It's just the emphasis of the singer emphasizing the syllables that can make one line that is longer on paper fit into the same music
Did you have a chorus? If you had the chorus, did you do it here in your post? What part of it was the chorus?
I think your song is actually very beautiful and as mysterious as the moon is. But I'm not sure I see where the solar eclipse comes in for the moon. I think it's because the whole sky goes dark and the moon stands out because it's still there whether it's daytime or night time.
Daytime moons are beautiful for some reason even if it's a clear sky, you can see huge daytime moon on the horizon. Somehow, they seem closer than the nighttime moon does They are bigger
This poem is very deep. I'm impressed, but I also would like to hear the song. If that's at all possible
I enjoyed reading your song lyrics
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2024
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Hi Pam, thanks for the thoughtful and detailed questions. You're right -- song lyrics and poetry can be very different animals. A lot of well-metered poetry is difficult to turn into a good song. I find it's often better to start with terrible writing that has strong emotional content. That was definitely the case with the earlier drafts of this song.
This is the first set of song lyrics I've posted here, or anywhere. The music has been written, and is in studio production. Simply for a cleaner visual appearance and a layered analytical critique of the progression, I stripped out the annotations for verse (blue), chorus (white), and bridge (red). I'm not sure it is really a bridge, and maybe I have it mixed up with what I called the chorus, but I am calling it that for now. The bridge is sung to the exact melody from Beethoven's Ode to Joy, and that melody functions as the counterpoint to the verses, so it is going to sound very familiar to listeners. The lyrics are heretical both to Beethoven's lyrics and to the sappy church lyrics written for that tune, so hopefully that's enough to turn heads in a good way.
Solar eclipses happen only with a new moon -- the allusions to the eclipse specifically are strongest in the beginning of the initial verse, with several other hints later on.
I'll reach out when I have some music available I can show. Because it is a commercial project I can't have digital drafts floating around in the ether. Thanks a bunch!
