Twisted Pathways
Battling the Mind16 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Carol, this is a great entry for the event. I read through with a baited breath, only letting it out as I beated the end. Very well written, dear friend. A hug, Ulla xcx
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Carol, this is a great entry for the event. I read through with a baited breath, only letting it out as I beated the end. Very well written, dear friend. A hug, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Carol,
You've written a very good story that delves into that mysterious, and often painful, realms of the subconscious mind. Depression has many faces and many causes. To go back through one's mind is a thing we often do. To find horrors is more common than you might guess. I think your post would be quite helpful to someone who fights depression, or abuse, to help them realize they aren't alone and that there's a way out.
Great job,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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Hi Carol,
You've written a very good story that delves into that mysterious, and often painful, realms of the subconscious mind. Depression has many faces and many causes. To go back through one's mind is a thing we often do. To find horrors is more common than you might guess. I think your post would be quite helpful to someone who fights depression, or abuse, to help them realize they aren't alone and that there's a way out.
Great job,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
Comment from Ric Myworld
"Battling the mind," what a great line describing what we all must do every day. It's a constant struggle to keep our thoughts in check and not let the mind lead us off into another dimension. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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"Battling the mind," what a great line describing what we all must do every day. It's a constant struggle to keep our thoughts in check and not let the mind lead us off into another dimension. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Good morning! A definite battle! I never know which way mine might want to tug me... and some of it is strange! I'm not much into going to these dark places much any more but I gave it a shot since I was asked. One review said she was a professional and it sounded to close to the truth.... Oops! my secret is out!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I haven't joined the horror club yet, but I guess I will. I don't like to write from prompts, but we all have to get outside our comfort zones once in a while. Heck, just reading Patrick's work is outside my comfort zone, but he seems to be a great guy with tons of talent, whose writing I mostly enjoy. Marilyn is sweet and makes me laugh. And now you are on the bandwagon, so I guess I'll have to hitch a ride.
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I think Patrick is terrific and his suggestions are always appreciated. He has encouraged me to step out of the box... and I have... but I'm more comfortable in my own little backyard. He's an awesome writer, but at times goes deeper than I want to wander... at least not alone. LOL I look forward to seeing where you will take us.
Smiles and hugs as always, Carol
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Carol!
Thank you for submitting to this week's prose prompt! You did a fabulous job describing the setting. I especially liked how you turned it around and made it a psychological landscape rather than a physical one. This is exactly what is so great about prompts: they start you somewhere and then you're off, and where you end up may not be where you thought you would when you started!
You managed to turn this prompt into a full flash story. Your use of anecdotal elements about your narrator's past were particularly effective --mother's cooking, father's voice, "the crack of the belt." This gave your narrator's mental journey a meaningful immediacy.
Some Random Thoughts:
--"Yet, my fixation lay within the gnarled branches, beckoning me forward -- their twisted forms not of wood but of the intricate, tangled nerves in my mind." --This is remarkable! The moment when we can see your interpretation of the prompt and when you transformed it into the mental topography of the narrator's mind. Such excellent words you chose for this description!
---"The battle lines were drawn, and I could envision a better tomorrow." --Closure for the narrator; at least, for now. The "fresh air" outside the last door after escaping this perilous mind.
Just a few things you can fix if you agree:
---"A clear[,] gooey substance," --This is quite nitpicking, but technically "clear" and "gooey" are coordinating adjectives and should be separated by a comma.
---"Guilt stabbed me like a vampire's teeth," --The "a" should be removed as "teeth" is plural. I do this myself when I revise and forget to change the verb tense or from singular to plural, or vise-versa. *laughs*
---"striking a one terrifying blow after another" --Similar here. I think either the "a" or the "one" should be removed as they are redundant.
Awesome, Carol! You know how I feel about your fiction writing. You are wonderful, and I really look forward to seeing what you have in store for your readers.
Patrick
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Hi Carol!
Thank you for submitting to this week's prose prompt! You did a fabulous job describing the setting. I especially liked how you turned it around and made it a psychological landscape rather than a physical one. This is exactly what is so great about prompts: they start you somewhere and then you're off, and where you end up may not be where you thought you would when you started!
You managed to turn this prompt into a full flash story. Your use of anecdotal elements about your narrator's past were particularly effective --mother's cooking, father's voice, "the crack of the belt." This gave your narrator's mental journey a meaningful immediacy.
Some Random Thoughts:
--"Yet, my fixation lay within the gnarled branches, beckoning me forward -- their twisted forms not of wood but of the intricate, tangled nerves in my mind." --This is remarkable! The moment when we can see your interpretation of the prompt and when you transformed it into the mental topography of the narrator's mind. Such excellent words you chose for this description!
---"The battle lines were drawn, and I could envision a better tomorrow." --Closure for the narrator; at least, for now. The "fresh air" outside the last door after escaping this perilous mind.
Just a few things you can fix if you agree:
---"A clear[,] gooey substance," --This is quite nitpicking, but technically "clear" and "gooey" are coordinating adjectives and should be separated by a comma.
---"Guilt stabbed me like a vampire's teeth," --The "a" should be removed as "teeth" is plural. I do this myself when I revise and forget to change the verb tense or from singular to plural, or vise-versa. *laughs*
---"striking a one terrifying blow after another" --Similar here. I think either the "a" or the "one" should be removed as they are redundant.
Awesome, Carol! You know how I feel about your fiction writing. You are wonderful, and I really look forward to seeing what you have in store for your readers.
Patrick
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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I promised to give it a shot and you see where my mind wandered. LOL I fear my story might have been to real.....This is a review I received .... As a professional who supports those who walk through the dark path you describe,, I was impressed with how true and real your depiction of the experience is. The image that goes with it is really on point as well.......Does this mean I might be hiding my true scary self in a closet? LOL
Thanks for the awesome review, the appropriate and useful comments, and for all your time. You ar a true blessing to me and to FanStory.... even if you do like to go down a few pathways that leave me wondering. LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story represented twisted pathways deeper and deeper into a nightmare of reliving disappointments and horrifying experiences. Your description of the darkness and tormenting pathway is eerie and chilling, but fortunately, you include the final door which opens to fresh air and relief.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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This story represented twisted pathways deeper and deeper into a nightmare of reliving disappointments and horrifying experiences. Your description of the darkness and tormenting pathway is eerie and chilling, but fortunately, you include the final door which opens to fresh air and relief.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Every time I read a review on Twisted Pathways I have to stop - take a deep cleansing breath - and be thankful that those doors are closed. And even if they open, I have a light and know the pathway to escape. thank you so much, my friend.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
As a professional who supports those who walk through the dark path you describe,, I was impressed with how true and real your depiction of the experience is. The image that goes with it is really on point as well.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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As a professional who supports those who walk through the dark path you describe,, I was impressed with how true and real your depiction of the experience is. The image that goes with it is really on point as well.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Nancy! I have faced a lifetime of tragedies and the darkness that came with them, but luckily, I found the door and can breath fresh air. The light is always with me.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jacob1395
That was quite an intense opening, Carol and you made it feel very claustrophobic with your descriptions. This really made me think of someone being haunted by life events, particularly when you get to the hospital scene. An excellent, visual piece.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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That was quite an intense opening, Carol and you made it feel very claustrophobic with your descriptions. This really made me think of someone being haunted by life events, particularly when you get to the hospital scene. An excellent, visual piece.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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thanks, Jacob!
And I get the creeps when I read your stories LOL. I must have been in someone elses skin or mind ..when I wrote this one. Thanks so much for the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
I wondered whether this was death, or a ghastly trip down memory lane. Whichever, it is very eerie, and has the qualities of a nightmare from which one cannot awaken. But the last sentence expresses something positive. Well done!Very descriptive.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I wondered whether this was death, or a ghastly trip down memory lane. Whichever, it is very eerie, and has the qualities of a nightmare from which one cannot awaken. But the last sentence expresses something positive. Well done!Very descriptive.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I somehow got inside my brain...a nasty place at times... and got lost for a few thousand words...luckily I found a way out. That's why I'm writing warm and fuzzy at the moment. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Julie Helms
I love how you took the prompt down the metaphorical pathway of a journey through your mind. You used vivid and compelling descriptions. You stoked emotion. Unique and very well done!
A typo:
striking **a** one terrifying blow after another
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I love how you took the prompt down the metaphorical pathway of a journey through your mind. You used vivid and compelling descriptions. You stoked emotion. Unique and very well done!
A typo:
striking **a** one terrifying blow after another
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I climbed out of my skin and into my mind...what a terrifying event that was. Glad I finally found the right door to get back out. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Not your usual cup of tea. Glorious picture Marilyn picked. It made me kinda depressed, which I guess was the whole point. I am going to have to go to Pinterest and watch laughing babies for a while. Good work though. Karen
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Not your usual cup of tea. Glorious picture Marilyn picked. It made me kinda depressed, which I guess was the whole point. I am going to have to go to Pinterest and watch laughing babies for a while. Good work though. Karen
Comment Written 17-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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No, it most certainly was not...I was asked to give it a shot and that's what I did. Climbed out of my skin and into my mind... some real dark corridors in there. Lucky for me I found a way back out.
Smiles, Carol
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Good writing. But stark. -
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I know...I had a review from someone who said she was a professional and that she couldn't believe how real and true I had written the feelings of a psychotic.... Made me wonder if I've been hiding the real me in a closet... LOl
smiles, Carol
