Hunger
A little found footage horror story.13 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry
I wish I had a six. This is wonderfully haunting and creepy.
Amazing research and detail. You had me from the very start, all the way to the end. Great work. Karen :-)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025
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I wish I had a six. This is wonderfully haunting and creepy.
Amazing research and detail. You had me from the very start, all the way to the end. Great work. Karen :-)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025
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Thank you very much for the kind words!
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I look forward to more. I just wrote one you might like. "Mildred Manages". Karen
Comment from lancellot
This is an interesting story. But the first thing that comes to mind is that it is all telling, no showing. Yes, it is first person narrative, but it can still be done. It just requires more content. Also, I would check that final paragraph. It changes from past to present tense.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025
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This is an interesting story. But the first thing that comes to mind is that it is all telling, no showing. Yes, it is first person narrative, but it can still be done. It just requires more content. Also, I would check that final paragraph. It changes from past to present tense.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025
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Thank you
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written.
It's a good story.
Your Author's Notes comment comes a bit late - " The story was based on that. Hope you'll enjoy it!" Maybe if you moved it to the top of the story as a preface?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Nicely written.
It's a good story.
Your Author's Notes comment comes a bit late - " The story was based on that. Hope you'll enjoy it!" Maybe if you moved it to the top of the story as a preface?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Thank you for the review. I will work on that suggestion. Thanks again.
Comment from Kirsten Shonle
This was good. I had a little bit of a hard time reading it as the print is small. The paragraphs really explained what was going on. Lost footage tapes are great.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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This was good. I had a little bit of a hard time reading it as the print is small. The paragraphs really explained what was going on. Lost footage tapes are great.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Thank you. I will work on the print size.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
This story is an absolute rollercoaster of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural, offering an enjoyable and engrossing read from start to finish. The narrative begins with a relatable, everyday premise-an obsession with uncovering hidden historical truths-before spiraling into a spine-chilling adventure that blends the mundane with the eerie in a masterful way.
The protagonist's younger brother, Michael, sets the stage with his fervor for solving the mystery of missing American POWs in Laos, pulling readers into a captivating search for something long lost. The story's opening is immersive, with Michael's excitement infectious as he eagerly introduces the cave, hoping it will reveal the prison where American soldiers were once held. The tone of anticipation and wonder is infectious, inviting readers to share in Michael's excitement despite knowing there's more to this discovery than meets the eye.
As the story unfolds, the protagonist's reluctance and disbelief toward his brother's mission make him a perfect foil to Michael's unrelenting optimism. This creates a dynamic and relatable tension, heightening the stakes as the protagonist's search for Michael evolves into a personal journey. The narrative structure keeps the pace thrilling, and the way the protagonist shifts from disbelief to full-on pursuit of answers is a testament to the author's skill in building character depth.
The plot thickens as we venture deeper into Laos, where the journey becomes not only a physical one but also a psychological and emotional descent into an unknown realm. The setting, particularly the cave, is vividly brought to life with eerie descriptions that heighten the tension. The suspense intensifies when the protagonist tracks down Michael's video and uncovers the gruesome discovery of mummified bodies in bamboo cages, making the reader's heart race in anticipation of what's to come. The inclusion of supernatural elements is seamlessly woven in, with the mysterious figures in the cave adding a layer of horror and intrigue that keeps the reader hooked.
The introduction of the Laotian military adds another layer of complexity to the narrative. The soldiers' intimidating presence and the protagonist's escalating concerns about their safety ramp up the suspense even further. The interactions with the soldiers are skillfully depicted, and the protagonist's rising paranoia about whether he's about to walk into a deadly trap creates a palpable sense of unease. The unexpected twists, particularly the arrival of the protagonist's brother and his group in a zombified state, take the plot to a whole new level of horror. The transformation of the group into something otherworldly is chilling, and the eerie nature of their behavior is wonderfully described.
The final moments of the story are nothing short of breathtaking. The chaos that erupts in the cave as shadows rush toward the group builds to a fever pitch. The use of sensory details-such as the darkness, the shuffling footsteps, and the unholy chorus of screams-creates an almost claustrophobic atmosphere, making the reader feel trapped alongside the characters. The protagonist's escape and his subsequent encounter with his brother in a transformed state is unsettling, yet there's a twisted sense of satisfaction as the story reaches its crescendo. The closing lines, with their haunting suggestion of hunger and unearthly transformation, leave the reader in stunned silence, questioning the nature of the story's resolution.
Overall, this is an incredibly well-done story, blending historical mystery, supernatural horror, and emotional depth. The narrative flows well, and the pacing keeps readers on the edge of their seats. The vivid descriptions, the atmospheric tension, and the gradual unveiling of the mystery make it an exciting and enjoyable read. The twists are unpredictable, and the suspense is unrelenting, making this a truly captivating piece. The blending of human drama with the otherworldly elements is seamless, leaving readers to reflect long after the final words. This story will not only captivate but also linger in the mind, an unforgettable adventure into the dark recesses of history and the supernatural.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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This story is an absolute rollercoaster of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural, offering an enjoyable and engrossing read from start to finish. The narrative begins with a relatable, everyday premise-an obsession with uncovering hidden historical truths-before spiraling into a spine-chilling adventure that blends the mundane with the eerie in a masterful way.
The protagonist's younger brother, Michael, sets the stage with his fervor for solving the mystery of missing American POWs in Laos, pulling readers into a captivating search for something long lost. The story's opening is immersive, with Michael's excitement infectious as he eagerly introduces the cave, hoping it will reveal the prison where American soldiers were once held. The tone of anticipation and wonder is infectious, inviting readers to share in Michael's excitement despite knowing there's more to this discovery than meets the eye.
As the story unfolds, the protagonist's reluctance and disbelief toward his brother's mission make him a perfect foil to Michael's unrelenting optimism. This creates a dynamic and relatable tension, heightening the stakes as the protagonist's search for Michael evolves into a personal journey. The narrative structure keeps the pace thrilling, and the way the protagonist shifts from disbelief to full-on pursuit of answers is a testament to the author's skill in building character depth.
The plot thickens as we venture deeper into Laos, where the journey becomes not only a physical one but also a psychological and emotional descent into an unknown realm. The setting, particularly the cave, is vividly brought to life with eerie descriptions that heighten the tension. The suspense intensifies when the protagonist tracks down Michael's video and uncovers the gruesome discovery of mummified bodies in bamboo cages, making the reader's heart race in anticipation of what's to come. The inclusion of supernatural elements is seamlessly woven in, with the mysterious figures in the cave adding a layer of horror and intrigue that keeps the reader hooked.
The introduction of the Laotian military adds another layer of complexity to the narrative. The soldiers' intimidating presence and the protagonist's escalating concerns about their safety ramp up the suspense even further. The interactions with the soldiers are skillfully depicted, and the protagonist's rising paranoia about whether he's about to walk into a deadly trap creates a palpable sense of unease. The unexpected twists, particularly the arrival of the protagonist's brother and his group in a zombified state, take the plot to a whole new level of horror. The transformation of the group into something otherworldly is chilling, and the eerie nature of their behavior is wonderfully described.
The final moments of the story are nothing short of breathtaking. The chaos that erupts in the cave as shadows rush toward the group builds to a fever pitch. The use of sensory details-such as the darkness, the shuffling footsteps, and the unholy chorus of screams-creates an almost claustrophobic atmosphere, making the reader feel trapped alongside the characters. The protagonist's escape and his subsequent encounter with his brother in a transformed state is unsettling, yet there's a twisted sense of satisfaction as the story reaches its crescendo. The closing lines, with their haunting suggestion of hunger and unearthly transformation, leave the reader in stunned silence, questioning the nature of the story's resolution.
Overall, this is an incredibly well-done story, blending historical mystery, supernatural horror, and emotional depth. The narrative flows well, and the pacing keeps readers on the edge of their seats. The vivid descriptions, the atmospheric tension, and the gradual unveiling of the mystery make it an exciting and enjoyable read. The twists are unpredictable, and the suspense is unrelenting, making this a truly captivating piece. The blending of human drama with the otherworldly elements is seamless, leaving readers to reflect long after the final words. This story will not only captivate but also linger in the mind, an unforgettable adventure into the dark recesses of history and the supernatural.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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WOW! Thank you for the lovely review! It was a pleasure to write it and humbled by your kind words.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The story itself is very interesting, although I would like to see in the note a more accurate description of 'found footage stories'. After grammatical editing, this will be well worthy of five star rating. kay
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2025
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The story itself is very interesting, although I would like to see in the note a more accurate description of 'found footage stories'. After grammatical editing, this will be well worthy of five star rating. kay
Comment Written 04-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2025
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Thank you for your review. I am a little confused of more accurate descriptions. Do you mean the found footage genre in horror literature and film?
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yes please. i don't know this genre
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Hello. Sorry for the delay in responding. The found footage genre is a sub genre of horror which could be a movie within a movie or a movie focused around a discovered film, video that was made by the missing characters of that discovered film. Best examples are: The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity and Cloverfield. The is a horror anthology book titled Found: An Anthology of Found Footage Horror Stories.
I hope that helps.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
wow, your story is very scary it kept on my toes the entire time. This is a very good and original entry for the contest. One thing I will say change to a bigger font, as most of us are in the golden age:) and we need bigger font to read. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2025
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wow, your story is very scary it kept on my toes the entire time. This is a very good and original entry for the contest. One thing I will say change to a bigger font, as most of us are in the golden age:) and we need bigger font to read. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2025
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Thank you for your kind words!
Comment from Gayla putnam
What a plot! I was on the edge of my seat throughout. The storyline was convincing and suspenseful. The paragraph that starts, "Tom mumbled, ""I don't know." It was a confusing transition. Bombs are misspelled in one section with an extra letter. The ending was twisted and terrifying. It's an excellent story. It's genuine and scary. gayla
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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What a plot! I was on the edge of my seat throughout. The storyline was convincing and suspenseful. The paragraph that starts, "Tom mumbled, ""I don't know." It was a confusing transition. Bombs are misspelled in one section with an extra letter. The ending was twisted and terrifying. It's an excellent story. It's genuine and scary. gayla
Comment Written 01-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed the story. I added an extra description before Tom mumbled, "I dunno know." Hopefully that clears up the transition. As for bombis, that's how they say it in Laos. I hope that helps. Thanks again!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It would also fit perfectly for a Halloween post. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
Those were the words my younger brother Michael jubilantly declared at the (brother,)
Tom mumbled "I dunno know." (mumbled,)
The next day we reached that village where we met Tom's 'friend' & The next day, I was surprised to see more t (The following day)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It would also fit perfectly for a Halloween post. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
Those were the words my younger brother Michael jubilantly declared at the (brother,)
Tom mumbled "I dunno know." (mumbled,)
The next day we reached that village where we met Tom's 'friend' & The next day, I was surprised to see more t (The following day)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the corrections and I'm happy you enjoyed the story.
Comment from royowen
Wow, this is a great story, and there have been terrible things happen to prisonerl such as in Japanese POW camps, and particularly in the German camps during the war of the SS band of thugs that slaughtered and maltreated Jews and Slavs, and varying others in those death camps. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2024
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Wow, this is a great story, and there have been terrible things happen to prisonerl such as in Japanese POW camps, and particularly in the German camps during the war of the SS band of thugs that slaughtered and maltreated Jews and Slavs, and varying others in those death camps. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2024
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Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it!
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Well done
