My Aunt Margaret
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Changing of the Guard"You Just Never Know
15 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
The aunt and niece saga continues.. This time burying alive is the form of extermination chosen by Beverly -now the judge and jury-
I like your style and I think(a very vague suspicion ) that there is someone here who emulates your style..
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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The aunt and niece saga continues.. This time burying alive is the form of extermination chosen by Beverly -now the judge and jury-
I like your style and I think(a very vague suspicion ) that there is someone here who emulates your style..
Comment Written 10-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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I would not be shocked . We tend to try to do what we love. High praise. Love it. Thanks for the read. Marilyn Hamilton slipped on the ice and is in the hospital with a broken hip. Put her on your best wishes list please.
Da Mommy (Yvonne) is back in the nursing home, and Debi P.M. is soon to be back in the hospital for her cornea replacement. Jessie James Doty is recuperating from his spinal surgery. Patcelaw is recuperating from her heart surgery. Jim Vecchio is having multiple biopsy's soon. That's all the new stuff I know. I pass this along . Our lists keep getting longer. Love to you and yours.Karen
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Karen,
This is a good book chapter and like a good author you keep your reader hanging.
How did the main character get caught up in killing these guys? I know here aunt was, but why does she feel the need to carry on her work?
Well done my friend
Cecilia
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Karen,
This is a good book chapter and like a good author you keep your reader hanging.
How did the main character get caught up in killing these guys? I know here aunt was, but why does she feel the need to carry on her work?
Well done my friend
Cecilia
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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If you read all five books in order, you should have seen how close Beverly was with her aunt. And, she does not have money problems, so she can help prevent bad people who cannot be punished by the law, get their just rewards. And, this is fiction, I can make them fly if I want. Beverly sees her aunt's work as a family thing. She feels a responsibility right now. Who knows if it will last? Thanks for the read. Karen
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Karen,
You're welcome my friend
Cecilai
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:-)
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:-)
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Great pace of story and full of very satisfying revenge, I enjoyed your story, Karen, and think your protagonist is doing a great job on behalf of her aunt. An error near the top - pregnant. But an excellent read! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Great pace of story and full of very satisfying revenge, I enjoyed your story, Karen, and think your protagonist is doing a great job on behalf of her aunt. An error near the top - pregnant. But an excellent read! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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I edited again. I messed up the word when I was removing an extra space, and did not notice it removed more. Thanks for the read. Karen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Haviland earned his place under the ground. Beverly has accepted that she has to be judge, jury, and executioner of these horrible people. It is tough, but she is holding up so far.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Haviland earned his place under the ground. Beverly has accepted that she has to be judge, jury, and executioner of these horrible people. It is tough, but she is holding up so far.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Thanks for the read. Twins are next. They are naughty identical twin girls. :-)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this story with us. I enjoyed reading. Please be caution when you use a period to leave a space after it and before the next sentence starts. Since there's been a push on FanStory to give stars by the guidelines FanStory has set, I'm using those guidelines, with a twist of my own. 0-5 errors five stars, 6-12 errors four stars, 13- 18 errors three stars and so on. I'm sorry. I am doing this for every post I review.
and lots of questions.She was an avenger. (questions. She)
So, he slightly resented his dear Mom. (his dear mom)
latest foster home,he decided the thing to do was (home, he)
Well,he found his dad.Seems he never knew s (Well, he & dad. Seems)
he never knew she was pregnant.He (pregnant. He)
His dad Grover King was a bit sad when he was (dad, Grover)
n his eighteenth birthday.Not enough to include him in the fam (birthday, Not)
his dad's family.They have an estate in Dallas.He hangs around glomming on their life.He has not been spotted by the family.He is noticing my raggedy car (family. They & Dallas. He & family. He)
he kitchen looks plain and ordinary.Except for the cup on the top shelf (ordinary. Except)
Bad boy Haviland.Under his mattress is a journal.Good grief Myrtle! (Haviland. Under & journal. Good)
All the time.That is the abridged version.He does go on. (time. That & version. He)
because he is broken inside.He has been offered all kinds (inside. He)
I could not refuse him could I? (refuse him,)
whatever he was having.When he went t (having. When)
He started getting all foggy, so Chauncy said Haviland old buddy, I better pour you on home! (said, "Haviland & home!")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Thank you for sharing this story with us. I enjoyed reading. Please be caution when you use a period to leave a space after it and before the next sentence starts. Since there's been a push on FanStory to give stars by the guidelines FanStory has set, I'm using those guidelines, with a twist of my own. 0-5 errors five stars, 6-12 errors four stars, 13- 18 errors three stars and so on. I'm sorry. I am doing this for every post I review.
and lots of questions.She was an avenger. (questions. She)
So, he slightly resented his dear Mom. (his dear mom)
latest foster home,he decided the thing to do was (home, he)
Well,he found his dad.Seems he never knew s (Well, he & dad. Seems)
he never knew she was pregnant.He (pregnant. He)
His dad Grover King was a bit sad when he was (dad, Grover)
n his eighteenth birthday.Not enough to include him in the fam (birthday, Not)
his dad's family.They have an estate in Dallas.He hangs around glomming on their life.He has not been spotted by the family.He is noticing my raggedy car (family. They & Dallas. He & family. He)
he kitchen looks plain and ordinary.Except for the cup on the top shelf (ordinary. Except)
Bad boy Haviland.Under his mattress is a journal.Good grief Myrtle! (Haviland. Under & journal. Good)
All the time.That is the abridged version.He does go on. (time. That & version. He)
because he is broken inside.He has been offered all kinds (inside. He)
I could not refuse him could I? (refuse him,)
whatever he was having.When he went t (having. When)
He started getting all foggy, so Chauncy said Haviland old buddy, I better pour you on home! (said, "Haviland & home!")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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There is a reason my editing program is free. You can see why. Thanks for the read. I edited. Karen
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I didn't reread but believe you so changed the rating.
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I did edit. And I caught a few more. karen
Comment from Ric Myworld
You sure know how to tell a story and your wit is unsurpassed, in my opinion, with there always being memorable lines that stick with me forever, like: "His mom was half a bubble off plumb (nutty as a fruit cake)."
Thanks for sharing.
As you already know, I never offer suggestions because I know that in time you will find them anyway, and they don't do a damn thing to diminish the joy of reading your writing. However, with all this talk about following the 1-6 grading system, which is bullshit, and will have nothing but ill effects on those hoping to become better writers in a group of so many mixed levels of skill. Therefore, you'll see that I have given you the six that you so rightfully deserve for your writing, and there are no deductions for piddly-assed mistakes that we all make, me more than most, and do nothing to deter from the entertaining story.
(need a space before this line) Except for the cup on the top shelf that holds four rings.
(need a space before this line) He has been offered all kinds of therapy at no cost to him, . . .
So tonight(')s the night.
a thirty-five-year-old mother of a (teen(remove space) age) son.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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You sure know how to tell a story and your wit is unsurpassed, in my opinion, with there always being memorable lines that stick with me forever, like: "His mom was half a bubble off plumb (nutty as a fruit cake)."
Thanks for sharing.
As you already know, I never offer suggestions because I know that in time you will find them anyway, and they don't do a damn thing to diminish the joy of reading your writing. However, with all this talk about following the 1-6 grading system, which is bullshit, and will have nothing but ill effects on those hoping to become better writers in a group of so many mixed levels of skill. Therefore, you'll see that I have given you the six that you so rightfully deserve for your writing, and there are no deductions for piddly-assed mistakes that we all make, me more than most, and do nothing to deter from the entertaining story.
(need a space before this line) Except for the cup on the top shelf that holds four rings.
(need a space before this line) He has been offered all kinds of therapy at no cost to him, . . .
So tonight(')s the night.
a thirty-five-year-old mother of a (teen(remove space) age) son.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Thanks for the read. I edited for the one hundredth time. This new computer does double spacing of it's own accord. And, with bigger font, it is sometimes hard to judge the spacing. Identical twin girls are next. Karen
Comment from jim vecchio
Christmas season is a time to bury the hatchet, but Hviland is having the hatchet buried in him, so to speak. Rather than a feast, it seems you're serving Revenge this season. What's tougher than being buried alive? I'll be there to find out.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Christmas season is a time to bury the hatchet, but Hviland is having the hatchet buried in him, so to speak. Rather than a feast, it seems you're serving Revenge this season. What's tougher than being buried alive? I'll be there to find out.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Tougher than being buried alive?
#1 Being told several times a day that you are not pretty, you are not smart, no one would ever love you, and that you do not have any skills at all so no one would hire you.
#2 Starving to death all alone.
#3 Having the person you love above all others, abandon you and pretend you do not exist while is spending your mortgage on Cam girls so you lose your home you had only two years left to pay for.
#4 Being naked in a room full of people while they, one by one describe your many deficents.
#5 Your husband who is supposed to be your caregiver, not making sure you have food or drink, and never changing your bed.
#6 Having someone slowly skinning you alive.
#7 Have all your collection you saved up for years to have in order to sell off in your senior years, stolen and sold off, or destroyed because you are I'll.
#8 Having a psychotic acupuncturist stick pins in order to hurt you instead of heal.
#9 After your surgery for women's issues when you were not supposed to be having sex for a while so you can heal properly, your husband repeatedly rapes you, because he is a man and has needs.
and......#10 Not having fan story.
I can probably think of a lot more. :-) Karen
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I'm sorry I brought up the subject. You made me cringe with each instance except number 10. That made me thankful for this site.
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I told you I have a dark side. I Have lived through all the odd numbered ones. We all have baggage. I survived and tough toenails to them. Karen
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It's good that you have an outlet now for your feelings. I'd hate to run into you if you didn't.
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Yes, this place makes me happy.
Friends like you that don't care about the surface but see inside . Brave souls you are! :-)
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
oh this is getting good now. Twins? woohoooo. I like the premise of her taking over for her aunt. Of all the things to wonder about, I am wondering how she managed to find that secret compartment in the car lol I only saw one sentence that needs some tweaking.
:::: On and on about he was neglected and illtreated he was.::::
Great job. Keep 'em coming
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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oh this is getting good now. Twins? woohoooo. I like the premise of her taking over for her aunt. Of all the things to wonder about, I am wondering how she managed to find that secret compartment in the car lol I only saw one sentence that needs some tweaking.
:::: On and on about he was neglected and illtreated he was.::::
Great job. Keep 'em coming
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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I have re-edited. And re-done some of it as well. Thanks for the help. Indentical twin sisters. hmmmm
Comment from GWHARGIS
I think the family "justice served" business is thriving nicely with the niece. I did see one spacing error but that's all. The part where she is describing his kitchen. No space between ordinary and Except. Great sags. Keep it coming. Gretchen
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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I think the family "justice served" business is thriving nicely with the niece. I did see one spacing error but that's all. The part where she is describing his kitchen. No space between ordinary and Except. Great sags. Keep it coming. Gretchen
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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I have re-edited. And re-done some of it as well. Thanks for the help. Indentical twin sisters. hmmmm
Comment from Tim Margetts
Cold, calculated murder most unfoul, considering the low life they dealt with.
However, I do question the moral compass.
They had the evidence, the rings, the journal, the history.
Why then not eliminate the problem legally?
Ok, alright already, I know that's not the story but hey ;-)
Loving it Karen, just don't come near me with a shovel
Tim x
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Cold, calculated murder most unfoul, considering the low life they dealt with.
However, I do question the moral compass.
They had the evidence, the rings, the journal, the history.
Why then not eliminate the problem legally?
Ok, alright already, I know that's not the story but hey ;-)
Loving it Karen, just don't come near me with a shovel
Tim x
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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#1 They did not have enough rock solid proof. People had already tried.
#2 He would take no counseling.
#3 If he got convicted, he would get out someday and do it again.
#4 This is fiction Babycakes. :-)
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LOL, I know it's fiction, Karen. :-p
And trust me, I am loving it.
Was there a reason you chose to bury this one alive? Had that been his M.O., and I missed it somewhere?
Roll on the next chapter for our vigilantes
Tim x
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Yes sweetie pie. He buried 4 women . He is twenty two and has buried a women every year on his birthday. He buries them deep tapes up their mouths, ties them up so they can't escape or eat or drink. they are not buried in earth. He puts a tarp or board over the hole. They starve to death, then he buries them a month later. He does this every year on his birthday since he was 18, when his momma died. Karen
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The end of chapter 4. :-)
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OK
I excuse myself as I was tired when I read the last episode.
I think I need to go back and re-read it.
Tim x
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OK, Just re-read it :)
Tim x
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I knew it couldn't be my mistake! LOL Karen
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Totally agree :-p
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I like to be agreed with. Makes me feel all powerful! :-)
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I bow before thy might oh great lady.