Veil of Secrets
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Veil of Secrets Chap 2"Mystery/Crime and Ghosts
13 total reviews
Comment from royowen
The plot's getting thicker and thicker, you're introducing more suspicious charcyer, and how much danger could a ghost possibly be in, but Grayson Webb is a variable, plus a few more gangsters into the mix, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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The plot's getting thicker and thicker, you're introducing more suspicious charcyer, and how much danger could a ghost possibly be in, but Grayson Webb is a variable, plus a few more gangsters into the mix, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thank you, Roy! Trying to get settled back in now that I'm home and arranging my thoughts so I don't get this story too confusing with its several plots that end up tying together at the end. Glad you enjoyed.
Smiles, Carol
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Well done
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I was aware Sandra, you're too good a writer to confuse Sandra
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I was aware Sandra, you're too good a writer to confuse Sandra
Comment from Carol Clark2
Now we know who caused the bus accident, but it seems they've been double-crossed. Rossi's hand in a box? Yuck! That's quite a message! It's interesting that Rebecca can also hear Miriam's calls. Looking forward to reading this book. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Now we know who caused the bus accident, but it seems they've been double-crossed. Rossi's hand in a box? Yuck! That's quite a message! It's interesting that Rebecca can also hear Miriam's calls. Looking forward to reading this book. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Only because Miriam has allowed Rebecca to communicate with her.... otherwise she would be none the wiser. And I'm not sure if it was Rossi's or just someone else's ...a message regardless.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
There's a lot going on in this post. Miriam and the missing Doyle. I am not seeing a connection right now. Are our friends working two different cases, at the same time? Great story.
Keep an eye on your use of 'ly' words. I saw many and most weren't needed, the verb was strong enough it had the meaning.
She gripped the edge of the doorframe tightly. (My editors have advised against using words that end in 'ly' unless absolutely necessary. I am thinking 'gripped' is strong enough that you don't need 'tightly' here. If you chose to us it, the adverb goes as close to the verb as possible, gripped tightly)
then spoke gently but firmly. (example from before, these two 'ly' words are needed)
Eleanor's gaze was steady. (was is passive, 'gaze steadied.')
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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There's a lot going on in this post. Miriam and the missing Doyle. I am not seeing a connection right now. Are our friends working two different cases, at the same time? Great story.
Keep an eye on your use of 'ly' words. I saw many and most weren't needed, the verb was strong enough it had the meaning.
She gripped the edge of the doorframe tightly. (My editors have advised against using words that end in 'ly' unless absolutely necessary. I am thinking 'gripped' is strong enough that you don't need 'tightly' here. If you chose to us it, the adverb goes as close to the verb as possible, gripped tightly)
then spoke gently but firmly. (example from before, these two 'ly' words are needed)
Eleanor's gaze was steady. (was is passive, 'gaze steadied.')
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thanks, Barbara. I'm struggling to get back into the writing mode after traveling and getting settled back in at home. Maybe it's a let down after the holidays...who knows? But I appreciate you reminding to watch those adverbs.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your character names and descriptions always remind me of my childhood friends from the old neighborhood. Of course, most of them are now dead or in the pen. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Your character names and descriptions always remind me of my childhood friends from the old neighborhood. Of course, most of them are now dead or in the pen. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Reminds me of some of the Italians who hung out at my house many many years ago with my then-husband. I thought he was all talk but after listening descreetly of course to their talk...I soon learned there was a lot of truth (in a manner of speaking) in their words. It was a strange world with lots of secrets and whispering.... Held my breath most of the time wondering if my house would get raided...but of course, it didn't....because even the law was their "paisano"..... You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours!
Smiles, Carol
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Yes, people never know unless they've been there. You've shown signs of knowing more than most. :-)
Comment from Tim Margetts
And so the plot thickens and the threads slowly start to gather on the table, ready to weave their tapestry of confusion and obfuscation.
A great chapter, Carol and I look forward to where this is going next.
Tim x
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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And so the plot thickens and the threads slowly start to gather on the table, ready to weave their tapestry of confusion and obfuscation.
A great chapter, Carol and I look forward to where this is going next.
Tim x
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thanks Tim...The traveling and a few other problems have knocked me out the writing seat, but I'm struggling to get up off the floor and get back into my chair. Thanks so much!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jacob1395
I really hope Miriam is OK, I'm really intrigued to find out who could be behind her disappearance, particularly as she is a ghost, and shouldn't be able to disappear. A well written chapter, Carol, I really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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I really hope Miriam is OK, I'm really intrigued to find out who could be behind her disappearance, particularly as she is a ghost, and shouldn't be able to disappear. A well written chapter, Carol, I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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In the ghost world, there are good and bad ones.... and their skills are quite clever for some. They can't kill her but they can trap her. Lucky for her, she can still communicate with Eleanor in some fashion.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear! I wonder if Rossi is still alive, it wouldn't take long for him to bleed out once his hand was cut off. If the Chinese are in this, this plot is going to get violent, far more than usual. As for Doyle, if he has upset the Chinese he stands no chance! And where is Miriam? What is keeping her from escaping? This is serious, my friend. Well done! Loving this story already! Love you lots, Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Oh dear! I wonder if Rossi is still alive, it wouldn't take long for him to bleed out once his hand was cut off. If the Chinese are in this, this plot is going to get violent, far more than usual. As for Doyle, if he has upset the Chinese he stands no chance! And where is Miriam? What is keeping her from escaping? This is serious, my friend. Well done! Loving this story already! Love you lots, Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Lots of evil lurking in the shadows of the mansion and the underworld. And somehow in the end it will all come back around to one place. Hope I can keep the strings from getting knotted and tangled.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
So many sub-plots. What a gruesome package to arrive and it sends an ominous message. While we are worrying about Miriam and her safety we now have Greyson to get our minds around ... and a severed hand sent to these men! Your imagination is incredible, and you use the shock techniques very well.
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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So many sub-plots. What a gruesome package to arrive and it sends an ominous message. While we are worrying about Miriam and her safety we now have Greyson to get our minds around ... and a severed hand sent to these men! Your imagination is incredible, and you use the shock techniques very well.
Wendy
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thanks, Wendy...I didn't really like using the severed hand but it seemed to fit into the story sending a major message about meddling in someone's plans. Thanks so much for the kind review. I still can't quite get my head back into the writing mode after the New Year and traveling home now. It will come...or at least I hope.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
In this novel, your storytelling has moved up another notch. You've included the shock factor. The image of Rossi's hand in a box, and Rossi without a hand shocks the senses. It also lets me know that your imagination and creativity have developed far beyond that of a writer who writes simple one-event stories.
I love your stories because they stimulate the imagination of the reader. You can never guess what is going to happen next.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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In this novel, your storytelling has moved up another notch. You've included the shock factor. The image of Rossi's hand in a box, and Rossi without a hand shocks the senses. It also lets me know that your imagination and creativity have developed far beyond that of a writer who writes simple one-event stories.
I love your stories because they stimulate the imagination of the reader. You can never guess what is going to happen next.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thanks, Lorraine. It's been bothering me about the hand...because I usually tend to steer from the gruesome and the bus accident was more than enough...but I needed to show what kind of people we are dealing with...and they aren't your nice Sunday Go To Church kind.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really good. Miriam is missing, which sounds like an odd thing for a ghost, so that means there is an entire other thing that can happen to ghosts. And Doyle has disappeared, and no one knows where. They only know he didn't end up in their hands.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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This is really good. Miriam is missing, which sounds like an odd thing for a ghost, so that means there is an entire other thing that can happen to ghosts. And Doyle has disappeared, and no one knows where. They only know he didn't end up in their hands.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thr ghosts can't be killed again but they can be captured...like the genie in the bottle sort of. At least that's what my imagination says...who am I to know? And now I have to start ramping up the story so we can unravel the mysteries.
Smiles, Carol
