Emerald Isle
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The First Course"Invitation to Paradise
14 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
hard to keep he characters straight who is married to who.
Hate to tell chef Moreau, but chicken should be served with white wine.
Ah, well, such is life. Max seems like he may be the villain, here. But onward and upward.
Katharine
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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hard to keep he characters straight who is married to who.
Hate to tell chef Moreau, but chicken should be served with white wine.
Ah, well, such is life. Max seems like he may be the villain, here. But onward and upward.
Katharine
Comment Written 26-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Thanks for your review! Good thought about the white wine. Are you going to jump in? You seem like you have a keen sense for details and intrigue.
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yep, I did. Chapter 5. last night.
Comment from Carol Clark2
Well, it seems some of the guests know a few of the people present a little more than others do. Moreau and Max seem to notice everything that's happening in the room. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Well, it seems some of the guests know a few of the people present a little more than others do. Moreau and Max seem to notice everything that's happening in the room. Good chapter.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025
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Thanks so much!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
You've peeled away the first layer of this fascinating onion very nicely, Lori, simultaneously giving us lots to mull and ways to further the story on in the chapters to come. You provided us with a handsome, mysterious host, as well as a sex partner from his past, and a rogue of a husband, too! This is off to a very sexy start. Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2025
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You've peeled away the first layer of this fascinating onion very nicely, Lori, simultaneously giving us lots to mull and ways to further the story on in the chapters to come. You provided us with a handsome, mysterious host, as well as a sex partner from his past, and a rogue of a husband, too! This is off to a very sexy start. Well done!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2025
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Thanks so much Rachelle! I had a lot of fun with this one. Can't wait to see where it goes! How was your crazy week?
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Very good! Everyone who had a lesson (still two more days to go) has now chosen a Recital piece. Tomorrow, I'll spend the day getting their own copies ready.
I did write Carol for a number for the Emerald Isle story and am waiting to hear back!
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I'm glad to hear recital prep is going well! I'm thrilled you’re signing up for a Chapter. I know you'll take it in intriguing directions.
Comment from Faith Williams
This is such a fun idea, having separate authors write each chapter. You've done a great job dropping hints for possible scenarios and leaving things open to interpretation for the next writer. It's definitely a bold move introducing the host right away.
Suggestions to consider:
While sipping on their wine and contemplating what brought them there, entered a striking man... I think the subject and verb here should be switched to sound smoother, "a striking man entered".
"Hello, I'm Max," his light blonde, almost platinum, hair still damp. These are two separate sentences since there is no dialogue tag, so there should be a period following Max. You will need to add a verb to that second sentence.
Upon his entrance, Eve (immediately) dropped... With the first part of that sentence, "immediately" is understood so you can delete it.
Everyone seemed fidgety and (immediately turned) to Eve. With adverbs, it's best to see if you can switch out for a stronger verb, maybe "swiveled" in this case.
"I'm sure as details emerge about what we know about each other and me, surprising things will surface," he paused for about 20 seconds. Again, these are two separate sentences since it's narration, not a dialogue tag.
Thank you for taking on this chapter. It will be interesting to see where the next author takes us.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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This is such a fun idea, having separate authors write each chapter. You've done a great job dropping hints for possible scenarios and leaving things open to interpretation for the next writer. It's definitely a bold move introducing the host right away.
Suggestions to consider:
While sipping on their wine and contemplating what brought them there, entered a striking man... I think the subject and verb here should be switched to sound smoother, "a striking man entered".
"Hello, I'm Max," his light blonde, almost platinum, hair still damp. These are two separate sentences since there is no dialogue tag, so there should be a period following Max. You will need to add a verb to that second sentence.
Upon his entrance, Eve (immediately) dropped... With the first part of that sentence, "immediately" is understood so you can delete it.
Everyone seemed fidgety and (immediately turned) to Eve. With adverbs, it's best to see if you can switch out for a stronger verb, maybe "swiveled" in this case.
"I'm sure as details emerge about what we know about each other and me, surprising things will surface," he paused for about 20 seconds. Again, these are two separate sentences since it's narration, not a dialogue tag.
Thank you for taking on this chapter. It will be interesting to see where the next author takes us.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you for positive review and constructive feedback. I appreciate you taking the time! I will incorporate later today.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well done. I didn't see anything that needed corrected, aside from Mark's hand on Lori's knee. I just wondered why Lori hadn't dealt with the issue herself.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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Well done. I didn't see anything that needed corrected, aside from Mark's hand on Lori's knee. I just wondered why Lori hadn't dealt with the issue herself.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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Thanks Wayne! Maybe she liked it there? Time will tell. Thanks for nice review!
Comment from Gayla putnam
I hadn't read your other chapters, but I was caught up in the action and intrigue. I liked many of your descriptions, particularly "his teeth, which required more maintenance than Crest white strips could provide." There is a sinister air that is exciting. I love your menu. I can't wait for the continuing saga. gayla
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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I hadn't read your other chapters, but I was caught up in the action and intrigue. I liked many of your descriptions, particularly "his teeth, which required more maintenance than Crest white strips could provide." There is a sinister air that is exciting. I love your menu. I can't wait for the continuing saga. gayla
Comment Written 19-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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Thanks for such a positive review! I had so much fun writing it and can't wait to see where it goes next!
Comment from Ulla
Exactly, Lori, one can only magine what will happen during the second course. I can't wait to see what it will bee. Lol. I'm already busy writing.that chapter. I hope it will be out on Wednesday.
Meanwhile, you've set the scene for a lot of intrigue and deception. Wery well written. Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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Exactly, Lori, one can only magine what will happen during the second course. I can't wait to see what it will bee. Lol. I'm already busy writing.that chapter. I hope it will be out on Wednesday.
Meanwhile, you've set the scene for a lot of intrigue and deception. Wery well written. Ulla xcx
Comment Written 17-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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Thanks Ulla for the six stars and positive review! Looking forward to
Wednesday! Lori
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have a great story line. I enjoyed reading. Please keep an eye out for the action tags.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that. Just an untimely case of butter fingers," trying to down play the whole thing (You have an action tag following dialogue, try --"Yes, I'm sorry about that. Just an untimely case of butter fingers." She tried to downplay the whole thing.)
"Lighten up everybody. Just trying to keep you on your toes," he chuckled, (toes." He chuckled. It's not a speech tag, but an action tag.)
"Cheers to that!" and with that everyone clinked glasses. (action tag not a speech tag, that!" Everybody clinked their glasses.)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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You have a great story line. I enjoyed reading. Please keep an eye out for the action tags.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that. Just an untimely case of butter fingers," trying to down play the whole thing (You have an action tag following dialogue, try --"Yes, I'm sorry about that. Just an untimely case of butter fingers." She tried to downplay the whole thing.)
"Lighten up everybody. Just trying to keep you on your toes," he chuckled, (toes." He chuckled. It's not a speech tag, but an action tag.)
"Cheers to that!" and with that everyone clinked glasses. (action tag not a speech tag, that!" Everybody clinked their glasses.)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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Great edits! Thx so much! Lori
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I fixed them! Thank you! Appreciate you tidying it up!
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Lori,
This is a great chapter that continues nicely. I see that things are starting to heat up as time goes on. I bet the second course will serve up some of the same.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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Lori,
This is a great chapter that continues nicely. I see that things are starting to heat up as time goes on. I bet the second course will serve up some of the same.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 17-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2025
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Thanks, Cecilila! Your review means a lot to me!
Comment from JohnnySnowblind
"Despite entering 'The First Course' without prior context, I was immediately intrigued by Lori Mulligan's elegant and tense resort setting. Eve's strong reaction to Max, described as a 'bombshell' in a 'librarian guise,' was a highlight, hinting at a compelling backstory. Max's charismatic mystery, though, left me with a sense of unease. The writing is vivid, creating a clear picture of the luxurious atmosphere. I'm eager to see how the character dynamics and plot threads, including the separated couples and Mark's behavior, unfold in future chapters. The brief mention of Ulla and Chapter 3 was a nice touch, giving a small glimpse into what's to come. I'm looking forward to reading more."
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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"Despite entering 'The First Course' without prior context, I was immediately intrigued by Lori Mulligan's elegant and tense resort setting. Eve's strong reaction to Max, described as a 'bombshell' in a 'librarian guise,' was a highlight, hinting at a compelling backstory. Max's charismatic mystery, though, left me with a sense of unease. The writing is vivid, creating a clear picture of the luxurious atmosphere. I'm eager to see how the character dynamics and plot threads, including the separated couples and Mark's behavior, unfold in future chapters. The brief mention of Ulla and Chapter 3 was a nice touch, giving a small glimpse into what's to come. I'm looking forward to reading more."
Comment Written 16-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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Wow! Thanks for such an amazing review! I’m so glad you're hooked. I'm sure Ulla will do an excellent job! Can't wait to see what’s next! Thx for shiny sixth star!
