Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

I love that Marie stowed away in the back floor of the car. Damned if i'm not rooting for this lady I used to dislike. There was a lot of suspense in this chapter, especially the way it ended. Fortunately for me, I don't have to wait to find out next as I'm playing catch up. Lol.

Great work, Jim.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025

Thanks so much, Steve. So glad you're into it. I decided some time ago I've got to bring Marie into one of the larger plots in the story, and I hope you enjoy the way I've done it.

reply by Neonewman on 01-Apr-2025

My pleasure, Jim. Marie has certainly grown on me.

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. The hook at the end is very well placed. I look forward to what happens next.I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Glad you enjoyed this chapter, Lee. We're building toward the climax now with a lot of suspense coming up. Hope you enjoy it.

Comment from T B Botts

Exceptional

Hello Jim,
Another great chapter buddy. As you can see, I'm still catching up. I haven't been down in the office much since the surgery, Anyway, I can see a dozen ways this could go wrong. I guess I'll find out soon. Well done my friend.
Have a blessed day.
Tom

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025

Thanks very much, Tom, and for those 6 stars too. Yep, lot's of potential for screwups here with the life of poor Johnny in the balance. If he survives it, fortunately he won't remember it.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

You built up the tension of the situation Brian and Jules are in all because of Big Pharma. I liked that Marie snuck into the car to help get Johnny. A drama filled chapter Jim as you head towards the finish line.
Cheers
Valda

 Comment Written 24-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2025

Thanks very much, Valda, for this excellent review and the 6 stars. I thought Marie needed a bigger role in the story, so she's coming along for the finale.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

I enjoy descriptions that allow me to envision things as I read, like Fran's movements between two houses and checking the front door to see if it is locked. Since Fran is alone without FBI backup (is that really allowed?), I hope there will not be a shoot-out where she will have to rely on a civilian for help. You stopped at such a cliff hanger. Glad the next chapter is posted.

 Comment Written 24-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2025

Fran will probably catch hell from her boss for not waiting for backup, but she's used to defying him and getting away with it. Sometimes she pushes her luck too far, and being handcuffed to a pole is the result. Oops, that's in the next chapter, but fortunately, you've read that one too.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Fran must be worried to death as Dana inserts herself into the take-down, but time is of the essence as the baby is having an asthma attack. If Woody forces the child to drink, he won't be getting any air. Excellent cliffhanger break in story. How did you think to add the child's asthma many chapters earlier?

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Thanks, Carol. Interesting last question. When I got to thinking about the climax of the story, I needed to have something ratchet up the need for immediate action by Fran and Dana and to justify going in without waiting for backup, and I thought of an asthma attack. I needed to lay the groundwork for that so it wouldn't be a total out-of-the-blue convenient surprise. Fortunately, I was well ahead in the writing from the posting, and we hadn't gotten to the chapter earlier in the story when I mentioned Johnny's asthma, so I was able to add that in, and no one was the wiser. I always like to stay well ahead in the writing from the posting so that I can make changes like that if need be.

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 23-Mar-2025

I did notice that he had asthma earlier and was so impressed how you brought it in.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

How exciting! You've sucked me in, I guess you must have researched ho the fbi go about their business, what chance do criminals have to escape from the law when all the information can be relayed with phone taps and other means. Silly old Dans can't help herself can she? Beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Thanks, Roy. I'm not sure how totally realistic it was in that a real FBI agent probably would not have let a civilian come with her, even though she did promise to stay in the car, and she probably would have called for backup sooner. But this is fiction, so who cares, right?

reply by royowen on 23-Mar-2025

Yep

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You've left me hanging here. I can't wait to see if Fran and Dana are successful. I'm pretty sure Marie is going to get in on the action. Why else would she be there, right? I do hope it's not going to turn into a comedy of errors. I enjoyed reading. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2025

Thanks, Barbara. Marie will definitely play a role, but it won't be a comic one. I hope you enjoy it.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 21-Mar-2025

I know I will.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

You didn't lie when you said the action was about to be ramped up. These gals are starting to more resemble James Patterson's Murder Club Women. LOL. Now, I just wish I had a six to reward it properly. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2025

No worries about the 6, Ric. Glad you enjoyed it. Now for the third member to join the party!

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Marie in the backseat was a surprise, but her comment, "Deal with it, Fran. I'm here now," was not, lol!

My guess is that Marie is going to show up too.

Way to leave us hanging, Jim. I can't wait to see what happens when they attempt to go in. If there are cameras, then Billy knows they are coming. Geez, does that mean Marie saves the day?!

BTW, I like this in third person - it gives a wider scope of what is happening and what people are thinking.

See you Sunday, right?

xo

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2025

Some very interesting guesses you've made here, Pam. Yes, we'll get to see on Sunday how this plays out.

That's kind of why I went to third person at the end here--to give that wider scope. There are a lot of scene changes with different characters in the focus, so it would have been clumsy to keep changing the narrator and probably difficult for the reader to keep track of who the current narrator was. It just seemed to make more sense to switch to third person.

I find it quite challenging to do a good job of free indirect discourse. You'll notice a few places where I use it in the coming chapters, but it's going to take me a while to really feel comfortable with it.