Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. Marie did the deed, and I enjoyed seeing her in action. I wonder what Brian is going to do now. I guess I will have to keep reading. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025

Thank you, Lee. Aren't you so proud of Marie? She really came through when she was needed the most. Yeah, don't quit now. Gotta see if they got to Johnny in time.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A great chapter, Jim as this book leads towards it's conclusion. Well done Girls for getting the better of the two thugs and Gamma's major role in rescuing her grandson. Well written, Jim, loved it.
cheers
valda

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

Thanks so much, valda. Let's just hope they got there in time for poor Johnny. So glad you enjoyed this chapter as we wind down to the finish.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

This was a very suspenseful, but realistic chapter. Your description of Marie's actions and then reactions to her brave encounter with Billy was totally believable. I could almost feel her anxiety. Her part in the story stood out most to me, because it's difficult for an ordinary citizen to hit someone over the head, possibly killing them, even when a grandson is at risk. Sorry Woody had to pay such a high price for greed.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

As this story developed, Marie became my favorite character, and I really wanted her to have a role at the end of the story. Improbable as it may seem, she ends up being the hero who saves the day. I didn't start out with that thought in mind, but she really grew on me in the telling.

Thanks very much for your kind words and great review, Lorraine.

Comment from Neonewman

Exceptional

Damn, Jim. That was an intense, vivid chapter, my friend. Ooof, my muscles ache. Lol. Brilliant work! I especially loved it when Marie had to wait for Billy to move his arms. Just like most folks, she began to lose her nerve. But I knew she'd pull through for little Johnny. Of cours, I'd like to have seen Marie kick his ass, even uncounsious.

The stand-off in the kids room was crazy! I could see everything that was happening at that moment. Woody's hand on the baby's neck was terrifying. Fran and Dana kept their cool and prevailed.

I can't wait to see what's to come.

God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

Yeah, that would have been satisfying to see her throw in a few kicks while Billy was down.

I think Woody knew he was beaten because he didn't have the heart to hurt Johnny. I wonder if it was suicide by cop when he went for his gun? I didn't honestly think of that when writing it, but now, I'm not so sure what his motive was!

Thanks for your great review and the 6 stars, Steve. I'm really glad you enjoyed this climactic chapter.

reply by Neonewman on 03-Apr-2025

Suicide by cop, indeed.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Exceptional

I guess you're going to have to turn these girls stories into a series. The Three Inseparables. Actually, I don't think that name would work, since I think they've used the same name for the Three Musketeers. :-) Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 31-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

Thanks so much, Ric, and for those 6 stars too. Glad you enjoyed their exploits in this climactic chapter.

I have actually begun writing a third story in this series, but these three won't be the main characters in that one. I'm going to take a little break before proceeding with that one, though, to post another one first that I got excited about writing. It will be a big change of pace from these stories and something very different for me. I'm about 2/3 done writing it (a novella), and I've had a real blast with it. I hope you'll join me on that tour. Should be a few laughs.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

What an eventful chapter, full of excitement and suspense as our 3 girl team get the better of these two thugs. The build up to Marie's attack on Billy is particularly tense. And then the confrontation with Woody is credible because Fran knows he's not a hardened criminal, having worked with the family and that he isn't going to let the baby come to harm. Hopefully, Johnny will survive this crisis and Marie's transformation will be complete! A great chapter that comes to an end too fast:) Thank you for sharing, Jim. Debbie
I would delete the wasted word of 'either' in the 5th line down.

 Comment Written 31-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

Thank you so much, Debbie, for your insightful comments as always. Woody started out as a pretty good guy but just couldn't resist an easy solution to his financial problems (which turned out not so easy and cost him his life). Fran knew he couldn't do what he was threatening to do with Johnny. He should have just surrendered, but maybe it was a case of suicide by cop, figuring he didn't want to spend years in prison.

Now, if only they got to Johnny in time.

This chapter provided me with a few times to use that third person technique I mentioned in a previous reply--free indirect discourse. In particular, when Billy was bemoaning his treatment by Woody and the whole scene when Marie was coming down the hall with the bat. It was narrative, but clearly in the point of view of those two characters. If done well, the reader doesn't even think about it, but it's a challenge (at least for me) to do it well. I'm still working on it.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Great job with this! And you made it realistic with Marie having to wait and then the shock hitting her after she realized what she had done. It is too bad that Woody had to learn the hard way that crime doesn't pay. So will the final chapter be on Wednesday or next weekend?

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thanks so much, Helen. Sad about Woody. He was a decent guy until the temptation of money was too great to withstand. Second to last chapter on Wednesday, final chapter on Sunday.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Very exciting chapter with Johnny's life in the balance. Marie did what she had to with the bat and things went well after that, although it was a shame Woody had to die for the money he was offered. Fortunately, Marie knows how to make Johnny better.

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thanks, Carol. It's not quite over yet for Johnny, though. Let's see if they all got there in time.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Interesting. I see you didn't want the ladies to kill in cold blood. It fits with your overall theme. Just saying... knocking the bad guy out and cuffing him, is a bit cliche. Fran has killed before.

notes:

No, no, no! It would be impossible to strike him in the head in that position; his arms would deflect the bat.

-couldn't she just swing straight down and bust open his skull or break his neck?

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Funny, you mention "in cold blood" because when I first wrote the scene, I did actually write it with Marie stabbing him in the neck, but that takes too much precision and Fran had already done that once earlier in the story, so I rewrote it and had to think of something little Marie could actually do.

As far as hitting him on top of the head, yes that probably would have worked, but she hadn't been instructed by Fran on that or practiced how to do it like she did with the side hit. A glancing blow wouldn't have been any good. Or, possibly it may not have occurred to her.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Woody had betrayed them several times, so it was not going to go well for him. Hope the little one's breathing will be quickly addressed. And Marie ? Quite the heroine. Without her the situation would have been impossible. Very dramatic and very well written.
Wendy

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thanks so much, Wendy. I'm glad you enjoyed the suspense of this chapter. Yes, that will be the drama of the next chapter--getting Johnny breathing again.