Comment from Rachelle Allen

Exceptional

EEEEEEEEK!!! This taps into ALL my darkest, most unspoken fears - being lost, being with a group of strangers, being abandoned, THE DARK. The claustrophobia doesn't usually affect me, yet the way you've masterfully written this, that had me chafing, as well.

Your descriptions were phenomenal. This was the point at which I knew I was in deep trouble: I was terrified enough to want to stop reading, but too "all in" to be able to:

As the group ventured deeper into the cave, the rock walls narrowed, becoming rough and jagged. The air became damp and humid with an earthy, musty smell like stagnant water. In the distance, the sound of dripping water echoed through the atmosphere. Natural light began to fade.

You have paved the way for the next writer SOOO well! So many possibilities! Seriously exceptional job here, Lorraine!

xoxoxo

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025

Thank you so very much Rachelle, for your review and these exceptional and inspiring comments that made me feel like a real writer.

Before FanStory, I had no interest in creative writing. I wrote technical stuff for the government before I retired. You have been a real inspiration and I truly appreciate it.

Thanks again for your review and for SIX, Bright, Beautiful Stars.

reply by Rachelle Allen on 06-Apr-2025

That amazes me, I have to say, because your level of creativity is IMMENSE! I have this theory, though, that if someone's a writer, they can write ANYTHING. (I had the same theory about dance when I was a dance teacher and choreographer. If it's "in there," it's in there.)

Anyway, I'm so glad to see you using your talents in this ever-burgeoning way. I'm on the sidelines cheering you on!! xoxox

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

Hi LJ,

I didn't realize it was a book being written by multiple authors. That is a fantastic concept. I haven't read the previous chapters, so I have no guidance on context. However, I feel this chapter was very well written and draws the reader into the story.

Kim

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025

Thank you Kim, for your review and encouraging comments. Books by multiple authors is done a lot on FanStory, especially poetry books. This chapter was my second attempt to join in on a prose book. I hope someone decides to continue the story where I left off.

Thanks again for reading, and for your generous stars.

reply by ~Dovey on 05-Apr-2025

I have been part of multi author poetry projects, I just hadn't really seen it for prose. Thank you for sharing.

Kim

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is a scary story. I am not fond of caves and I have been inside some that seem to have been safe, but you never know if you are going to be trapped underground and the thought of it terrifies me. This is an intense tale that keep the reader on the edge of their seat, much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025

Thank you Dolly, for your review and insightful comments. I've never been in a cave, and plan to keep it that way. Lol. I had fun imagining what it might be like. Thanks again for reading, and for your generous stars.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Awesome thriller story with a very intense vibe. Intriguing build up, I went on a journey with you a experience the action vicariously.

Well done!

Gypsy

"The poet waits quietly to paint the uns aid." - Atticus

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

Thank you Gypsy for reading this story. Begin Again wrote the first chapter and invited other writers to add to it. I didn't want the story to die. I appreciate your review and encouraging comments.

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

Nice story going.
Lori slithered up beside Mark, allowing her chest to brush against his arm. -Interesting choice of word (slither, like a snake). I'm a bit surprised you didn't go ahead and say breasts.
Best wishes.

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

Thank you Wayne, for your review and comments. You are right. I used the word 'slither' just like a snake. I used the word 'chest' because I have never written anything that sounded even almost of a sexual nature, and was being timid. I didn't expect anyone to call me on it. Lol. Thanks again for reading my contribution to the multi-author book, and for your generous stars.

reply by Wayne Fowler on 03-Apr-2025

At least breasts wouldn't be engorged nipples.
(bustin' out laughy face here)
Okay, that would be over the top, or over the line (smiley face here)

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I'm glad you took up Carol's challenge and added to the story. It's interesting how each chapter has the unique style and tone of each writer. I like how you show Olivia's fears and I think she has good reasons for her anxiety, especially now we have a missing person!

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

Thank you Helen, for your review and comments. I enjoyed the basic premise of Carol's story and was waiting for someone to write Chapter 6. No one did, so I jumped in. I didn't have the nerve to add to the Wedding Crasher, so I decided to add to Carol's noir detective story and now this story. I hope someone continues it.

Thanks again for reading my chapter, and for your generous stars.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Well, another guest is missing. Is it to be one per day or more quickly? There was that screaming woman, but maybe it was only bats and some people are afraid of them. Is there a common link between the guests since they were all invited on this free vacation?

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

Thank you Carol for your review, comments, and questions. Begin Again (Carol) wrote the first chapter, in which the guests did not know who their benefactor was or why they were invited to the resort. Other writers joined in and made a guess go missing, plus said the guests were going to tour a cave. That's where I came in. Hopefully someone else will add to Carol's story by providing some answers.

Thanks again for reading my chapter, and for your generous stars.

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

LJ,

What a great continuation of the story this is. I wonder what has happened to all the people that are missing. I can't wait until the next chapter.

Well done my friend

Cecilia

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

Thank you Cecilia, for your review and comments. I also wonder what happened to the missing people. I hope someone decides to write and create some answers. Thanks again for reading, and for your generous stars.

Comment from Jasmine Girl

Excellent

If it's three miles long and 600 feet down, my husband would like to go, too. We usually go up hill for over 10,000 feet and walk for almost 10 miles. Going into a cave sounds like more adventurous. I will have to go back and read more chapters. I wrote one chapter in the Wedding Crasher book and now I'm still trying to finish the book that emerged from that.

Well done.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025

You and your husband are true hikers. My daughter and her husband hike, climb, and camp...all stuff he introduced to her.

Thank you for your review and sharing a bit of your experiences. Begin Again created a detective story for other writers to join, and now this story. I joined the detective story but not the Wedding Crasher. even though I read most of it. Thanks again for reading and for your generous stars.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I'm sorry that since I've been away I've missed so much, and it's obvious I've skipped some fun reads along the way. Just my luck. LOL. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2025

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025

Thank you Ric, for your review and comments. We're just glad to see you back. While you were gone, Carol started stories and challenged other writers to continue the story. Her previous one was a noir style private investigator tale. With different writers, the story went in all sorts of interesting directions.

Anyway, thanks again for reading my chapter, and for the stars.