In Plain Sight
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "In Plain Sight -Chapter 2"Who Is the Vigilante?
17 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Very well done, Lori. You have followed on seamlessly. I enjoyed this chapter, and smiled when Jack said he owned a long coat. Of course Jack is the hero, and will continue to be there for the women. After what happened to his sister all those years ago. This was a fabulous second chapter, my friend. Well done! Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2025
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Very well done, Lori. You have followed on seamlessly. I enjoyed this chapter, and smiled when Jack said he owned a long coat. Of course Jack is the hero, and will continue to be there for the women. After what happened to his sister all those years ago. This was a fabulous second chapter, my friend. Well done! Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2025
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All these positive reviews from you are making me blush! :-)
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed your chapter! You set the scene so well with Lena already on top of things. It feels like there's some great tension brewing between the characters. I love how Jack attempted to push Lena's buttons - she handled it so well. It's clear you've got a great sense for pacing. This was an enjoyable read. Easily kept my interest. Keep it up, I'm hooked!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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I really enjoyed your chapter! You set the scene so well with Lena already on top of things. It feels like there's some great tension brewing between the characters. I love how Jack attempted to push Lena's buttons - she handled it so well. It's clear you've got a great sense for pacing. This was an enjoyable read. Easily kept my interest. Keep it up, I'm hooked!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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Thanks so much! Your review made my
Day. We will try our best to keep you hooked!
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Thanks so much! Your review made my
Day. We will try our best to keep you hooked!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting story and seems like it would be very difficult to work together seamlessly. You did a good job keeping Jack and Lena's characters alike. Two problems: In line 7 there is a gremlin. When Lena speaks, you need to decide if it is a quote or not.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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This is an interesting story and seems like it would be very difficult to work together seamlessly. You did a good job keeping Jack and Lena's characters alike. Two problems: In line 7 there is a gremlin. When Lena speaks, you need to decide if it is a quote or not.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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Thanks—good catch! Will fix! Thanks for reading.
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I meant when Marie tells them the captain wants them you have only one set of quotes.
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Oh, ok. Will fix!
Comment from Carol Clark2
You've included lots of good details about the surviving women through the two detectives. It's a great idea two have two great authors writing this book together. Looking forward to reading the rest. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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You've included lots of good details about the surviving women through the two detectives. It's a great idea two have two great authors writing this book together. Looking forward to reading the rest. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Thanks so much!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I've been away from the site for a couple months, now trying to catch up on what I've missed. I don't recognize your name as someone I've read previously, but sometimes my memory plays tricks on me. Good writing, and you've certainly hooked up with a fine partner on this story. I enjoyed your contribution and look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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I've been away from the site for a couple months, now trying to catch up on what I've missed. I don't recognize your name as someone I've read previously, but sometimes my memory plays tricks on me. Good writing, and you've certainly hooked up with a fine partner on this story. I enjoyed your contribution and look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Thanks for such a positive review. I couldn’t agree more that I have best partner. I’m learning a lot from being teamed up with her. Well, I hope we continue to keep you hooked.
Comment from Tim Margetts
You pick up the thread with confidence here, Lori, and the back-and-forth between Jack and Lena flows smoothly.
There's a subtle rhythm in their dynamic-snark, grudging respect, unspoken tension-and you keep it grounded in the procedural grit of the case. The details of the assaults are delivered with clarity, and I like how Lena pushes past the surface to deepen the profile.
That moment with the coat flapping in the wind gives a nice echo of genre staples without tipping into cliché.
Jack's scruff and sarcasm work well against Lena's sharper focus. Their contrast is shaping up nicely, though a little more internal reflection might round them out further-especially if Jack's reaction to her suggestion of going undercover is more layered than it appears.
A couple of small tweaks for flow or phrasing would tighten things (e.g., "disheveled" instead of "dishelved", and a few minor punctuation touches), but structurally you're on track.
The pacing holds, and that final line opens the door for intrigue in the next chapter.
This feels like a smooth handoff between two co-authors-distinct voice but consistent tone. I'm keen to see what happens when Lena steps into the field.
Tim x
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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You pick up the thread with confidence here, Lori, and the back-and-forth between Jack and Lena flows smoothly.
There's a subtle rhythm in their dynamic-snark, grudging respect, unspoken tension-and you keep it grounded in the procedural grit of the case. The details of the assaults are delivered with clarity, and I like how Lena pushes past the surface to deepen the profile.
That moment with the coat flapping in the wind gives a nice echo of genre staples without tipping into cliché.
Jack's scruff and sarcasm work well against Lena's sharper focus. Their contrast is shaping up nicely, though a little more internal reflection might round them out further-especially if Jack's reaction to her suggestion of going undercover is more layered than it appears.
A couple of small tweaks for flow or phrasing would tighten things (e.g., "disheveled" instead of "dishelved", and a few minor punctuation touches), but structurally you're on track.
The pacing holds, and that final line opens the door for intrigue in the next chapter.
This feels like a smooth handoff between two co-authors-distinct voice but consistent tone. I'm keen to see what happens when Lena steps into the field.
Tim x
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Thanks for such a positive, thoughtful and thorough review. I will make those corrections you pointed out. It is such a pleasure working with Carol on this. I'm glad you’re liking our co-authorship so far. Stay tuned. I should be posting my next chapter Monday afternoon.
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I look forward to it, Lori.
I have already read and reviewed carol's continuation.
Tim x
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Great!
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Great!
Comment from Karen Cherry
Sounds like any detective show on TV. You nailed down the formula. Have you written any scripts? I can't wait to see what the hook is going to be, now that the premise is set up. Karen
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Sounds like any detective show on TV. You nailed down the formula. Have you written any scripts? I can't wait to see what the hook is going to be, now that the premise is set up. Karen
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2025
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Haven't written any scripts. Glad you like the premise. I think we will manage to keep you on your toes. :-)
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I hope so. I don't remember reading you much before. Where have you been hiding? Karen
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Here I am—“In Plain Sight”
:-)
Not sure why you haven’t seen much. I do mostly non fiction humor writing. How about you?
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I guess it is because I don't often go onto the listed page. I have a lot of mail in my message box. I have some prolific fans.
Karen
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Well, I hope you will continue to follow our story. Appreciate your review.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Lori,
This is a great story. It connects well to Carol's chapter. It seems the detectives have their hands full with this one. You did a great job.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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Lori,
This is a great story. It connects well to Carol's chapter. It seems the detectives have their hands full with this one. You did a great job.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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Thanks, Cecilia! I'm really enjoying this collaboration with Carol. Let’s where it goes…
Comment from Wendy G
The story is an interesting one, and I am sure I will enjoy it. Suggesting a few edits below to polish the reading. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Wendy
Edits:
dishelved (spelling)
"Well, all women have been in their early thirties, dressed for nightlife but not trashyâ€"trendy. Remove the extra "gremlins". Close quotation punctuation at the end of the sentence. Also at the end of "trendy".
Jack said trying to push Lena's buttons. (comma after "said")
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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The story is an interesting one, and I am sure I will enjoy it. Suggesting a few edits below to polish the reading. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Wendy
Edits:
dishelved (spelling)
"Well, all women have been in their early thirties, dressed for nightlife but not trashyâ€"trendy. Remove the extra "gremlins". Close quotation punctuation at the end of the sentence. Also at the end of "trendy".
Jack said trying to push Lena's buttons. (comma after "said")
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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Thanks for your careful review. I will make those changes. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an excellent continuation of the story Carol began. Your descriptions are vivid and dialogue realistic. I appreciate that your writing is as engaging as Carol's, which assures that each chapter will be intriguing and suspenseful. I look forward to this crime and mystery collaboration.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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This is an excellent continuation of the story Carol began. Your descriptions are vivid and dialogue realistic. I appreciate that your writing is as engaging as Carol's, which assures that each chapter will be intriguing and suspenseful. I look forward to this crime and mystery collaboration.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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What a nice review and compliment! I hold Carol’s writing in high regard! She definitely knows how to set the stage! Stay tuned…more to come!
