Spit, Gum and Shoe Laces
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Reverie of Father"A Progression Of Expression From Fiction To Faith
5 total reviews
Comment from AlvinTEthington
The ending is totally unexpected and extremely poignant. A really nice dream. Generally you handle the rhyming couplets well, which is difficult to do, but "smock"/"clock" seems like a forced rhyme. Nevertheless, that is a minor matter. It's too bad there's not even an anamnestic quality to the poem, since your father died when you were so young. A boy's beautiful dream of what his father must have been like.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2007
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The ending is totally unexpected and extremely poignant. A really nice dream. Generally you handle the rhyming couplets well, which is difficult to do, but "smock"/"clock" seems like a forced rhyme. Nevertheless, that is a minor matter. It's too bad there's not even an anamnestic quality to the poem, since your father died when you were so young. A boy's beautiful dream of what his father must have been like.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2007
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thank you for you time to review my work.
Comment from larimar
A beautiful poem. Some fantastic images of childhood. It brought tears to my eyes, so I guess it worked. What I liked best was that although the poem was very much about the relationship between father and son it conjured up some beautiful images of the town and counryside around it. Love the name Blue Stubby by the way.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2007
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A beautiful poem. Some fantastic images of childhood. It brought tears to my eyes, so I guess it worked. What I liked best was that although the poem was very much about the relationship between father and son it conjured up some beautiful images of the town and counryside around it. Love the name Blue Stubby by the way.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2007
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thank you for you time to review my work.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello blue, what great rhyme and telling your story about your dad.
The end was so sad. I wish you luck with this well wertten poem.
gert
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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Hello blue, what great rhyme and telling your story about your dad.
The end was so sad. I wish you luck with this well wertten poem.
gert
Comment Written 14-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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This piece was a blessing to me but I am just a portal for the words to flow through. It is my craft but I really can not take more than a speck of credit. I hope I can share more with you in the future. Thank you?
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Hello blue YOU are so welcome.
I will be looking for more of your writings.
Hae you read any of my poetry yet.
Gert
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Not yet but i am currently reviewing and will watch for your name. Thank you...
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Hi good I have three posted at the present.
gert
Comment from mjarabrab
This was absolutely lovely,and a heartfelt expression from your heart. Also written very expresively from a very original style special only to you. I really liked this from you, and look forward to reading more of your work!
I also enjoyed reading your profile,
take care,
Barbarea
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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This was absolutely lovely,and a heartfelt expression from your heart. Also written very expresively from a very original style special only to you. I really liked this from you, and look forward to reading more of your work!
I also enjoyed reading your profile,
take care,
Barbarea
Comment Written 14-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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This piece was a blessing to me but I am just a portal for the words to flow through. It is my craft but I really can not take more than a speck of credit. I hope I can share more with you in the future. Thank you?
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I just wanted to say, I am intrigued by your response. I am very spiritual, and my poetry comes from a special place., Share anytime,, I'll look for more of your work,,,
take care,
Barbarea
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I just wanted to say, I am intrigued by your response. I am very spiritual, and my poetry comes from a special place., Share anytime,, I'll look for more of your work,,,
take care,
Barbarea
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Thank you and may you recieve many blessings.
Comment from Polly_Pisces
Ah! You made me cry...you're the first today..well done..what a wonderful poem...it's so well thoughtout and moving..
I awoke on mother's porch swing, a tear dripped on my shoe.
Nothing real; a longing dream, Father died when I was two.--Ah!..again..right there..that is so sad..Polly
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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Ah! You made me cry...you're the first today..well done..what a wonderful poem...it's so well thoughtout and moving..
I awoke on mother's porch swing, a tear dripped on my shoe.
Nothing real; a longing dream, Father died when I was two.--Ah!..again..right there..that is so sad..Polly
Comment Written 14-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2007
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This piece was a blessing to me but I am just a portal for the words to flow through. It is my craft but I really can not take more than a speck of credit. I hope I can share more with you in the future. Thank you?
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Indeed, I'm looking forward to reading
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Danka...
