Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Hidden Beneath The Pain"A book of a mixture of stories
34 total reviews
Comment from TillMcCauley
This is wonderful, I enjoyed reading it so much. It captured orginality, a good story, intrique, mystery, well written, but the thing thats best to me is the believability of the characters and thier actions. Thanks for sharing your talent. =)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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This is wonderful, I enjoyed reading it so much. It captured orginality, a good story, intrique, mystery, well written, but the thing thats best to me is the believability of the characters and thier actions. Thanks for sharing your talent. =)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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TillMcCauley...Thank you so much for your kind and generous thoughts. The best part of writing is when others enjoy it. Thanks again - Carol
Comment from learning_to_write
I thought this was really good, very easy to read and I liked the ending. I thought it was very well written, although I knew the locket would mean something, I didn't know what until right at the end.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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I thought this was really good, very easy to read and I liked the ending. I thought it was very well written, although I knew the locket would mean something, I didn't know what until right at the end.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2009
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learning to write
Thank you so much. WRote this shortly before the deadline of the contest and had to cram a lot into it. Glad you enjoyed it. I am thinking about expanding it. Thanks again CArol
Comment from jomwriter
This story was amazing. It grabbed and held my attention. Your character and plot development are so controlled, yet seamless. I also thought your dialogue was very realistic. I liked the unexpected twist at the end of the story. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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This story was amazing. It grabbed and held my attention. Your character and plot development are so controlled, yet seamless. I also thought your dialogue was very realistic. I liked the unexpected twist at the end of the story. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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jomwriter...Thank you for your generous review. I am so pleased that you enjoyed the story. A few have suggested that I should expand it into a book. Thank you for the stars as well as your kind words. Carol
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I would love to read your book based on the characters in this story (if you choose to write it). I think there's a lot you could do with them - back stories, family members, flaws, neuroses, likes/dislikes. Good luck! I am currently working on expanding one of my short stories about two professors (see "One Night") into a novel because several people wanted to know what happens next - inspired me to keep writing. It would be wonderful if something real comes of it.
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Good luck with your efforts. Carol
Comment from Healing
Very well written. You have such an awesome ability... I cannot believe the name of the girl was Chandra. That is my daughters name (who is 18) I really enjoy your style.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Very well written. You have such an awesome ability... I cannot believe the name of the girl was Chandra. That is my daughters name (who is 18) I really enjoy your style.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Healing...Thank you so much for your kind review. I am thinking about expanding this into a book. Several people have suggested it. Appreciate your review and of course, the stars. I am humbled by your praise. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from zlp22
Great story. The end was a surprise. It was a interesting and enjoyable read. I like the way you treated the
subject of mental illiness, everyone deserves respect, and not to be treated like they have nothing to offer.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Great story. The end was a surprise. It was a interesting and enjoyable read. I like the way you treated the
subject of mental illiness, everyone deserves respect, and not to be treated like they have nothing to offer.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Zip...Thank you for your comments. They are still people even if something has affected their mind. I would hate to think if something happened to me people who treat me unkind.
Thanks again for the review. Carol
Comment from mortman
I enjoyed this story. The two main characters were intersting and I was always keen to find out what happened next. I also thought you did a great job with Amy -- it's always great to have someone so dislikable.
The ending was good although it did strike me as being very coincidental regarding the timing of Chanda's locket and the big newspaper article. But the story was good and it was well written, so well done.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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I enjoyed this story. The two main characters were intersting and I was always keen to find out what happened next. I also thought you did a great job with Amy -- it's always great to have someone so dislikable.
The ending was good although it did strike me as being very coincidental regarding the timing of Chanda's locket and the big newspaper article. But the story was good and it was well written, so well done.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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ortman...
When you only have 1500 words to work with...it doesn't leave much time for explanation. Maybe I should expand the story so I could show all the possibilities. Thanks for reading and commenting. Carol
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
A great, great story.
I love your characters that you created.
I love the balance of description and dialog.
I like the locket.
I like how you ended it too.
And, I felt like this story could go on for more chapters and turn into a book.
Great job.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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A great, great story.
I love your characters that you created.
I love the balance of description and dialog.
I like the locket.
I like how you ended it too.
And, I felt like this story could go on for more chapters and turn into a book.
Great job.
Kathryn
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Kathryn...Many people have suggested the same. Maybe I will have to consider writing something more around it. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from ladybird
This is so very good and kept me reading from start to finish. You portrayed well the misery Of Chandra and, the commpassion felt by the narrator.This is a very nice entry to the contest and I think has a good chance of winning. Good luck with it.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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This is so very good and kept me reading from start to finish. You portrayed well the misery Of Chandra and, the commpassion felt by the narrator.This is a very nice entry to the contest and I think has a good chance of winning. Good luck with it.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Ladybird..Thank you for your kind response to my story. I greatly appreciate it. Thanks for reading and enjoying. Carol
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You're welcome.
Comment from MercyWrites
Wow, your story really pull me in. Excellent details. I like the main character who was telling poor Chandra story. I love Chandra character the best. I thought you show her well. My favorite part is the happy ending.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Wow, your story really pull me in. Excellent details. I like the main character who was telling poor Chandra story. I love Chandra character the best. I thought you show her well. My favorite part is the happy ending.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Mery Happy endings are always my favorite part too. Thanks for the kind comments and the grateful stars. I am pleased that my humble story impressed you and made you smile. Thanks again - Carol
Comment from Beeswax008
Six stars all the way thru! This story kept me on the edge of my seat. And then the twist...I was expecting Haven to be the "evil twin." What a great story.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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Six stars all the way thru! This story kept me on the edge of my seat. And then the twist...I was expecting Haven to be the "evil twin." What a great story.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2009
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BEESWAX
THANK YOU FOR THE KIND AND GRACIOUS REVIEW. i TRULY APPRECIATE IT. IT WAS AN INTERESTING STORY TO WRITE. THANKS AGAIN = CAROL