Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "I Hate You - I do!"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
57 total reviews
Comment from zeezeewriter
Super job, I love your dialogue driven story. Perfect use of word economy. And you managed to let us feel a time span. Most excellent. Zee
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Super job, I love your dialogue driven story. Perfect use of word economy. And you managed to let us feel a time span. Most excellent. Zee
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Zee
Thank you so much for your kind review. I prefer to be a descriptive writer so cramming a lifetime into 150 words was a challenge. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts. Carol
Comment from Seaborn
My, you certainly did a good job keeping those words going, and in a way that actually told a story. Good Job! Spelling and grammar looked fine and I did not notice any punctuation errors. All in all, a creative way to use the words from the prompt. LS
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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My, you certainly did a good job keeping those words going, and in a way that actually told a story. Good Job! Spelling and grammar looked fine and I did not notice any punctuation errors. All in all, a creative way to use the words from the prompt. LS
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Seaborn
Thanks for the kind review. From brats to I do was a lifetime to cram into 150 words. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Carol
Comment from Summer Falls
This was cute! I love the sweet way they went from feuding to being in love. You met the requirements of the contest well! I wish you luck in the voting booth.
Summer
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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This was cute! I love the sweet way they went from feuding to being in love. You met the requirements of the contest well! I wish you luck in the voting booth.
Summer
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Summer Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from dmjones
Good one and used all the words so they made sense. Good luck in the contest. I don't have anything to suggest. It looks perfect to me.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Good one and used all the words so they made sense. Good luck in the contest. I don't have anything to suggest. It looks perfect to me.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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dmjones Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from dihardest
You transformed this contest entry into a delightful love story. Within these very few words, you have two adolescent characters whose actions are true to form and who are remarkably well defined. Tension and effective resolution are impressive achievements for a piece this brief.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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You transformed this contest entry into a delightful love story. Within these very few words, you have two adolescent characters whose actions are true to form and who are remarkably well defined. Tension and effective resolution are impressive achievements for a piece this brief.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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dihardest Thanks for the kind review. It was a lot to compress into 150 words. Carol
Comment from Penpal
Awwww! It's funny how just yesterday I spoke to a new reserve at the library where I work, and she told me she had married her friend since childhood.
I really liked the dialog in the beginning of this piece and how the story unravelled to a happy ending.
Good luck in the contest.
Pen
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Awwww! It's funny how just yesterday I spoke to a new reserve at the library where I work, and she told me she had married her friend since childhood.
I really liked the dialog in the beginning of this piece and how the story unravelled to a happy ending.
Good luck in the contest.
Pen
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Penpal
Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from bc1yax
most enjoyable - two kids that grow up get married - just doesn't happen that often any more - not with the way families live today - story was just smooth to read -
-- bc1yax
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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most enjoyable - two kids that grow up get married - just doesn't happen that often any more - not with the way families live today - story was just smooth to read -
-- bc1yax
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Thanks for the review Carol
Comment from WRITER1
Very well done I liked the whole story, I thought it was a sweet little study of the first kiss. and then four year later they were married.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Very well done I liked the whole story, I thought it was a sweet little study of the first kiss. and then four year later they were married.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Writer Thank you so much for the kind review. I liked the idea of I hate ending in I do! Life can be funny like that! Carol
Comment from nora arjuna
Carol, what a sweet story. it's so different from those few i've read which all were about scary stuff.
Kelly grew from ugly duckling to [a] stunning beauty. - thought there should be 'a' there, but you got extra one word now lol.
OK, I got a few suggestions where you can get rid of some words, but up to you:
[Tommy's best friend], Jake, - 'Their best friend' would do.
Tommy stormed [from the room] - away
Tommy [came back] to apologize - returned
The moon was shining, stars dotted the sky, and fireworks went off in Kelly's head when Tommy kissed her lips.
-The moon shone and stars dotted the sky. Fireworks went off in Kelly's head when Tommy kissed her lips.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Carol, what a sweet story. it's so different from those few i've read which all were about scary stuff.
Kelly grew from ugly duckling to [a] stunning beauty. - thought there should be 'a' there, but you got extra one word now lol.
OK, I got a few suggestions where you can get rid of some words, but up to you:
[Tommy's best friend], Jake, - 'Their best friend' would do.
Tommy stormed [from the room] - away
Tommy [came back] to apologize - returned
The moon was shining, stars dotted the sky, and fireworks went off in Kelly's head when Tommy kissed her lips.
-The moon shone and stars dotted the sky. Fireworks went off in Kelly's head when Tommy kissed her lips.
Good luck!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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arjuna Thanks for the suggestions and the review. I appreciate it Carol
Comment from MissCellanea
If I had a six, I'd give it to you, Carol. This is a heart-warming tale of a childhood friendship blossoming into love.
My drama teacher once told us the secret of knowing if a boy truly liked you. He's the one always pulling your hair and pushing you down the stairs. Just hope to live through the experience!
Wonderful use of the required words. No noticeable SPAG and absolutely nothing to amend. Wonderful entry and delightful read. Good luck in the booth. Sue
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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If I had a six, I'd give it to you, Carol. This is a heart-warming tale of a childhood friendship blossoming into love.
My drama teacher once told us the secret of knowing if a boy truly liked you. He's the one always pulling your hair and pushing you down the stairs. Just hope to live through the experience!
Wonderful use of the required words. No noticeable SPAG and absolutely nothing to amend. Wonderful entry and delightful read. Good luck in the booth. Sue
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Sue Thank you so much for the great review. I appreciate it so much. It's funny how life's twists and turns can some times end up this way from I hate you to I do!
Thanks again Carol
