Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "From One Who Knows...."Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
54 total reviews
Comment from Razz
Sorry Begin again. I read this piece three times and still am a little lost.
I read it much earlier, before you made some changes, and it is a bit clearer now.
It is still very uncomfortable in the transition from the front door of his fiance to the bar.
I had to read some of the other reviews to see if I was just not with it. I felt much better when I learned that other people had a hard time with it too.
I am sorry that your son had to experience it. But there is someone very special out there for him. I just know it.
Have a magical day
Razz
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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
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Sorry Begin again. I read this piece three times and still am a little lost.
I read it much earlier, before you made some changes, and it is a bit clearer now.
It is still very uncomfortable in the transition from the front door of his fiance to the bar.
I had to read some of the other reviews to see if I was just not with it. I felt much better when I learned that other people had a hard time with it too.
I am sorry that your son had to experience it. But there is someone very special out there for him. I just know it.
Have a magical day
Razz
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
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Razz Sorry you had a difficult time going from one event to the other. I had wished for just a few more words, but it wasn't meant to be. Thanks so much for the review. Carol
Comment from Diny
Nicely done!- good luck i am a big fan of flash fiction this one at least makes sense not all usually do- Good luck! seeing her face at the bottom of every glass was a good touch!
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
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Nicely done!- good luck i am a big fan of flash fiction this one at least makes sense not all usually do- Good luck! seeing her face at the bottom of every glass was a good touch!
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
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Diny I think he saw her no matter what he was doing. She haunted him and kind of still does. He's past the drinking...but not the broken heart. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Oh, yes, Carol, you nailed this flash fiction. ANd I always find it hard, if not impossible to write something this short, and still tell a story.
ANd this story does have all the right ingredients. Well done.
John
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Oh, yes, Carol, you nailed this flash fiction. ANd I always find it hard, if not impossible to write something this short, and still tell a story.
ANd this story does have all the right ingredients. Well done.
John
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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John
Thanks for reading and the kind review. I greatly appreciate your thoughts. Carol
Comment from MaureenC
This is excellent flash fiction, it is a hard task to get a complete story in 100 words. You have achieved this with excellence.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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This is excellent flash fiction, it is a hard task to get a complete story in 100 words. You have achieved this with excellence.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Maureen
I second that thought...It seems next to impossible to tell a complete story with so few words. I keep writing, cutting, writing, cutting, etc. Ugh! Thanks again for the kind review. Carol
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
It is so difficult to write a complete story in 100 words, and allow the story to unfold sucessfully.
You have successfully managed to convey the essence of the story with your carefully chosen words.
I saw no spags, and enjoyed reading.
Juliette
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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It is so difficult to write a complete story in 100 words, and allow the story to unfold sucessfully.
You have successfully managed to convey the essence of the story with your carefully chosen words.
I saw no spags, and enjoyed reading.
Juliette
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Juliette
Thanks for reading and commenting on the story. It is difficult to compose a story in 100 words, especially one that generates so much love and pain. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Great flash fiction, this is. You've said masses in so few words. I take my hat off to you. Great writing. Good luck in the contest.
Warm wishes
kat
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Great flash fiction, this is. You've said masses in so few words. I take my hat off to you. Great writing. Good luck in the contest.
Warm wishes
kat
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Kat
Thanks so much for the kind review. I greatly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from Lowell.Troyer
I admire anyone who can put together a whole story in a 100 words. Great job. I had the impression you chose your words carefully and with thought; no wasted words. It definitely paid off
The transition to the bar caught me a bit off guard as I was thinking a longer period of time had elapsed until I read the next paragraph. Then the "devastated" paragraph made more sense. Perhaps you could add more of a hint that James is not yet in a long depression, just reeling from the event earlier in the evening (if that is the case). Maybe leaving it to the reader's own imagination is good.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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I admire anyone who can put together a whole story in a 100 words. Great job. I had the impression you chose your words carefully and with thought; no wasted words. It definitely paid off
The transition to the bar caught me a bit off guard as I was thinking a longer period of time had elapsed until I read the next paragraph. Then the "devastated" paragraph made more sense. Perhaps you could add more of a hint that James is not yet in a long depression, just reeling from the event earlier in the evening (if that is the case). Maybe leaving it to the reader's own imagination is good.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Lowell
Thanks so much for the kind review. It's almost impossible to get the story right with only 100 words. I struggled with the transition too, but I alas had no more words.
Thanks again. Carol
Comment from L.lora
Now that's telling a story. The ending is perfection and profound. How many have I known that actually fit that bill. Great execution of story line, following the requirements, talk about having to minimalize...wow! Really liked this and applaud you for what you've done here. No nits from this reader. Lora
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Now that's telling a story. The ending is perfection and profound. How many have I known that actually fit that bill. Great execution of story line, following the requirements, talk about having to minimalize...wow! Really liked this and applaud you for what you've done here. No nits from this reader. Lora
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Lora
Thank you so much for the awesome review. I greatly appreciate it. It was based on my son who after 4 yrs and a planned wedding had this happen. Fortunately he worked past the drinking but he struggles with healing his heart. Thanks again Carol
Comment from wierdgrace
this is so well written in so little words, I do know a bit about this, and you said it all, Great entry for the contest, and I do wish you so much luck.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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this is so well written in so little words, I do know a bit about this, and you said it all, Great entry for the contest, and I do wish you so much luck.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Weirdgrace
Thanks so much for the kind review. I greatly appreciate it.
Carol
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u r so welcome
Comment from Belinda
Frankly speaking, this time it takes me several readings before I understand your work, which is good. (Now I understand.) Maybe it is too 'dash' to describe the real setting and to differentiate what is happening now and then. Why don't you rewrite it with more words?
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Frankly speaking, this time it takes me several readings before I understand your work, which is good. (Now I understand.) Maybe it is too 'dash' to describe the real setting and to differentiate what is happening now and then. Why don't you rewrite it with more words?
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Belinda I can only use 100 words in the contest. I just made a correction or two...try reading it again, please. See what you think.
This is a true story. My son, unfortunately found his fiance after 4 years and a planned wedding. He still struggles with it. Carol
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Carol, I took your suggestion to read your story once again. I should have read it more slowly and calmly. Now not only I understand it, but I also can absorb its worth. I especially like your words: drinking his sorrow away, her face is at the bottom of every glass. A true story? Wow, it must be hard for him.
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Belinda
Good -I am glad you understand it. I was scared for a moment that I had messed it up. Thanks again Carol
