Murder or Coincidence
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Murder or Coincidence? Part 1"Was it Murder
34 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
Your story is well-written and I do not see any
SPAG's. Your characters are believable. You portray the unpredictability of love and the inability to let it go no matter how much you have been hurt.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
  |
Your story is well-written and I do not see any
SPAG's. Your characters are believable. You portray the unpredictability of love and the inability to let it go no matter how much you have been hurt.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
-
Eliz
Thank you for reading the story. I hope you will continue all three parts and tell me how you feel about the characters. This is a portion of a book my son and I are writing. Thanks for the review. Except for the ending, these are real people whose lives were terribly messed up.
Thanks again Carol
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Terrific, Carol. Great part one. You've created some great, believable characters, great dialog, and a very interestign, tense situation. Great stuff.
John
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
|
Terrific, Carol. Great part one. You've created some great, believable characters, great dialog, and a very interestign, tense situation. Great stuff.
John
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
-
John Thanks so much for reading. I always appreciate your vision of what I am writing. This story is part of something bigger and I wanted to see how well it would go over. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from shygirl21
I like the dialogue between the two friends and curiousity is biting at me too much! Gotta move quickly on to next part, dying to know more behind the story of Sandi and Lee!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
I like the dialogue between the two friends and curiousity is biting at me too much! Gotta move quickly on to next part, dying to know more behind the story of Sandi and Lee!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Pamela
This is a part of the novel my son and I wrote About his life and his friends. I wanted to see if the characters in this section played out okay. Carol
Comment from Amicus
Well, Carol, you have hooked me with this interesting well written and well paced first part...I get a good idea of these two drinking buddies via the action depicted and the dialogue and you deftly provide all the back story needed to entice me to read on...What does Sandi want from Lee? I need to know...
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
Well, Carol, you have hooked me with this interesting well written and well paced first part...I get a good idea of these two drinking buddies via the action depicted and the dialogue and you deftly provide all the back story needed to entice me to read on...What does Sandi want from Lee? I need to know...
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Amicus
This is a portion of a book my son and I are writing about his life and his two friends. Their journey's as young adults and how love affects them and their choices. I wanted to see if people could connect with this one. Lee is a real person, but he didn't really get killed. He has a daughter he adores, but his ex-wife and him are like fire and water. Thanks again CArol
Comment from Jeffrey Slocum
So far so good. Can't wait to read the next one after this review. Interesting twist of suspense with woman disappearing.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
 |
So far so good. Can't wait to read the next one after this review. Interesting twist of suspense with woman disappearing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Jeff Thanks for the review. I hope you will continue reading part 2 and 3. They are posted. Thanks again Carol
Comment from jadapenn
You sure built up suspense and intrigue here. Setting just right for all types of trouble. I'll try and catch the other two parts.
I loved your dialogue. Lee comes over as hard-headed - a man spooked by his past.
Well written. regards jada
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
You sure built up suspense and intrigue here. Setting just right for all types of trouble. I'll try and catch the other two parts.
I loved your dialogue. Lee comes over as hard-headed - a man spooked by his past.
Well written. regards jada
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Jada They both were two young adults with a lot of problems. In real life, they had a daughter which I hope they will learn to change their ways and show her how life should be. Needless to say, my entire story isn't true. Carol
Comment from nora arjuna
hi carol, sounds like an interesting drama. i'll try to check the rest.
just to mention this parts:
"Back off ...just a little, okay Christina? The man's my friend and he really isn't in much shape for your attitude this morning." [Lee knew Brad was going to come..] - i think this part has to be in the next para cause the dialogue belongs to brad i guess.
and here too:
"You do what you gotta do, man, but I'd forget about Sandi if I was you." [Lee had spun....]
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
hi carol, sounds like an interesting drama. i'll try to check the rest.
just to mention this parts:
"Back off ...just a little, okay Christina? The man's my friend and he really isn't in much shape for your attitude this morning." [Lee knew Brad was going to come..] - i think this part has to be in the next para cause the dialogue belongs to brad i guess.
and here too:
"You do what you gotta do, man, but I'd forget about Sandi if I was you." [Lee had spun....]
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
arjuna Thanks for the suggestions. I applied them and I think you were correct. Hope you continue to read the other two posted parts. Thanks again Carol
Comment from MadameSparkle
This feels a bit rushed to me, but perhaps that is what you intended? The story relies on dialogue to introduce the characters, but so far I don't have a picture of them in my mind. Perhaps you will elaborate in the next installment? or maybe it doesn't matter and you're going to let us make up our own minds what they look like? In any case, we are waiting to find out what Sandi's story is and we are already feeling sorry for Rebecca.
Sparkles
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
This feels a bit rushed to me, but perhaps that is what you intended? The story relies on dialogue to introduce the characters, but so far I don't have a picture of them in my mind. Perhaps you will elaborate in the next installment? or maybe it doesn't matter and you're going to let us make up our own minds what they look like? In any case, we are waiting to find out what Sandi's story is and we are already feeling sorry for Rebecca.
Sparkles
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Sparkles Thanks for reading and I hope you continue to the other posted parts. This is a section of a book my son and I are writing so I wanted to see if the storyline was believable. Thanks so much for your review. Carol
Comment from RapturedHeart
Morning, Begin Again. I'm home not feeling well today, so thought I'd just review a bit--and this story really piqued my interest! I was thinking it moved a bit too fast, but I see it's only a three part series. Was assuming it was a book.
Nice way to use dialogue to weave the story and create believable characters. We're getting a pretty rotten picture of Lee, but I'm thinking there is more than meets the eye here. Well, now I just have to go find out how it all goes down! Take care,
Heather
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
Morning, Begin Again. I'm home not feeling well today, so thought I'd just review a bit--and this story really piqued my interest! I was thinking it moved a bit too fast, but I see it's only a three part series. Was assuming it was a book.
Nice way to use dialogue to weave the story and create believable characters. We're getting a pretty rotten picture of Lee, but I'm thinking there is more than meets the eye here. Well, now I just have to go find out how it all goes down! Take care,
Heather
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Heather I appreciate you taking the time to read, especially when you aren't feeling well. Hope you get better soon. Take care Carol
Comment from RebelRose
Good read. This is well written and interesting. I look forward to seeing how it plays out. I will be looking for part two to post.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
Good read. This is well written and interesting. I look forward to seeing how it plays out. I will be looking for part two to post.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
RebelRose Thanks for the kind review. Part 2 and 3 are posted. I hope you continue reading. Thanks agian Carol