Dance of Death
Salome dances the dance of Seven Veils19 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Beth:)
Your description of the dance of seven veils seems to be based much closer to the Rita Hayworth movie, "Salome" than the Biblical version. You do capture the sensuous and tantalizing dance.
In the Bible, the dance is not named. "The dance of the seven veils" first appeared in print in the stage notes to Oscar Wilde's 1891 play Salome.
I did enjoy your flash fiction version, but I think you should have made reference to the movie in your Author Notes.. If you want to see Rita Hayworth do the dance you can easily see it on You Tube and it's exquisite.
If you add the reference, I will reconsider my rating.
Roger
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2009
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Hi Beth:)
Your description of the dance of seven veils seems to be based much closer to the Rita Hayworth movie, "Salome" than the Biblical version. You do capture the sensuous and tantalizing dance.
In the Bible, the dance is not named. "The dance of the seven veils" first appeared in print in the stage notes to Oscar Wilde's 1891 play Salome.
I did enjoy your flash fiction version, but I think you should have made reference to the movie in your Author Notes.. If you want to see Rita Hayworth do the dance you can easily see it on You Tube and it's exquisite.
If you add the reference, I will reconsider my rating.
Roger
Comment Written 06-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2009
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Thanks for the review and comments. I figured she might well have done a dance of that sort since it comes from that part of the world along with belly dancing. I have added that about the movie to my author notes. If you would like to change the rating, I would be grateful.
Beth
Comment from legless
hi there BethShelby.
this is an interesting tale from history and you've told it well.
perhaps there's too much telling in it, especially when herodia is talking to salome. when not in the confines of a flash fiction piece i'm sure expanding the story will get rid of the problem
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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hi there BethShelby.
this is an interesting tale from history and you've told it well.
perhaps there's too much telling in it, especially when herodia is talking to salome. when not in the confines of a flash fiction piece i'm sure expanding the story will get rid of the problem
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thanks for the review and the comments. It's funny but the other person who gave me good rating said that I had elaborated enough on that conversation so I added a line. I guess you can't please everyone.
Beth
Comment from sfharper
You turn this well know tale into a colorful experience with a bit of a twist. I enjoyed reading it, it was quite the dance that ended very unhappily for everyone. Good work, enjoyed reading it.
:)
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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You turn this well know tale into a colorful experience with a bit of a twist. I enjoyed reading it, it was quite the dance that ended very unhappily for everyone. Good work, enjoyed reading it.
:)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you sjoe, I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I so glad you enjoyed it.
Beth
Comment from Marjorie D.
Bravo, Beth! Using this biblical story was a stroke of brilliance. Very clever, and it's very well told. I enjoyed reading the story very much.
... the shear (sheer) veil ...
all eyes were glued on (the) princess ...
The (k)ing was enthralled. (Since "king" isn't used as a name here, it shouldn't be capitalized.)
....celebration. (formatting glitch here)
He had his wife, Herodias, to thank for this.
The girl(')s face was flushed, and her eyes sparkled with excitement. "What shall I ask far (for)? Did you hear him(?) He said anything. I could have gold, or diamonds, or lands. What do you think I should ask far (for)?"
Herodias('s) eyes flashed fire.
Don't you realize Herod could have us banished from the kingdom if he takes this to heart(?)
... but to refuse in (the) presence of his subjects ...
He hesitated only a brief second ... (suggestion: Since a second IS brief, it may be better to say something like: He hesitated only a second ... OR He hesitated only briefly before ...)
Good luck to you, Beth!
XO
Marjorie
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Bravo, Beth! Using this biblical story was a stroke of brilliance. Very clever, and it's very well told. I enjoyed reading the story very much.
... the shear (sheer) veil ...
all eyes were glued on (the) princess ...
The (k)ing was enthralled. (Since "king" isn't used as a name here, it shouldn't be capitalized.)
....celebration. (formatting glitch here)
He had his wife, Herodias, to thank for this.
The girl(')s face was flushed, and her eyes sparkled with excitement. "What shall I ask far (for)? Did you hear him(?) He said anything. I could have gold, or diamonds, or lands. What do you think I should ask far (for)?"
Herodias('s) eyes flashed fire.
Don't you realize Herod could have us banished from the kingdom if he takes this to heart(?)
... but to refuse in (the) presence of his subjects ...
He hesitated only a brief second ... (suggestion: Since a second IS brief, it may be better to say something like: He hesitated only a second ... OR He hesitated only briefly before ...)
Good luck to you, Beth!
XO
Marjorie
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much for review and for you nice comments.
I am especially that you caught all those spags. You were the only one to catch anything. I have made the changes.
Beth
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
You did a wonderful job in recreating the story of John, the Baptist's beheading. I enjoyed reading this very much. Good luck in the contest, my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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You did a wonderful job in recreating the story of John, the Baptist's beheading. I enjoyed reading this very much. Good luck in the contest, my friend.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much El Gato. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and for your nice comments.
Beth
Comment from medicnate
I liked your take on what happened. The story rings true to the reader. This is a very well written piece. Good luck in the contest.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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I liked your take on what happened. The story rings true to the reader. This is a very well written piece. Good luck in the contest.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much for reading and for your comments.
Beth
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If you haven't already read it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my Flash Fiction piece, She Danced in Silence. Have a great day.
~medicnate~
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I did read it. I rated and and comments on it. You did a very different take on the dance theme. I remember you turned it into a horror story. It was good reading.
Beth
Comment from Belinda
So interesting, Beth! So this is a retelling of the Bible story! Embellished with details and dialogue, I'm sure. This version of yours is catching, makes a good entry to the competition.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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So interesting, Beth! So this is a retelling of the Bible story! Embellished with details and dialogue, I'm sure. This version of yours is catching, makes a good entry to the competition.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Belinda, Thank you so much for reading this and for the comments.
Beth
Comment from kingskid
I love the way you have portrayed this episode from the bible. It makes it so much more meaningful. Your description of her dancing, and then Herod's response to the dance are excellent.
The demand for John's head was done perfectly; I've often wondered if she really wanted it!
Well done on bringing the bible to a more personal level.
blessings,
kingskid
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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I love the way you have portrayed this episode from the bible. It makes it so much more meaningful. Your description of her dancing, and then Herod's response to the dance are excellent.
The demand for John's head was done perfectly; I've often wondered if she really wanted it!
Well done on bringing the bible to a more personal level.
blessings,
kingskid
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Thank you so much for the review and for your nice comments. I so glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Queenise
Beth this was really a good spin on the actual account. It is clear and easily read and understood. The imagery is great and so is the flow. The words pierce to the soul. Would give you a high five in person if I could. Would definitely recommend to others. Blessings. Queenise
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Beth this was really a good spin on the actual account. It is clear and easily read and understood. The imagery is great and so is the flow. The words pierce to the soul. Would give you a high five in person if I could. Would definitely recommend to others. Blessings. Queenise
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Thank you Queenise. I so glad you liked it. I guess the plot is pretty much the same. As you said I just put my spin on it.
Beth
Comment from MariaMarsden
Beth, This was very enjoyable to read and review and an interesting choice of a story in history, I liked it because you gave it a "fairy tale" quality. Best of luck in the contest :) Maria
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Beth, This was very enjoyable to read and review and an interesting choice of a story in history, I liked it because you gave it a "fairy tale" quality. Best of luck in the contest :) Maria
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Maria, I glad you found it enjoyable. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Beth
