Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Thunder Roared"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
59 total reviews
Comment from Phil Kitom
Everyone can relate to this nightmare Carol
for everyone has at some time shared this
experience and woken in a fit of terror.
A believable story and good luck with it
in the contest...
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Everyone can relate to this nightmare Carol
for everyone has at some time shared this
experience and woken in a fit of terror.
A believable story and good luck with it
in the contest...
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Phil,
I used to have one of falling ,,,It was terrifying to suddenly be jolted awake. Thanks so much for reading the micro fiction. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from RobinWrites
I find that your writing draws me into the story. I feel like I'm in the room, if not one of the characters in each piece. You have a wonderful gift and I have really enjoyed another one of your well written short stories.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I find that your writing draws me into the story. I feel like I'm in the room, if not one of the characters in each piece. You have a wonderful gift and I have really enjoyed another one of your well written short stories.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Robin,
I am truly humbled by your praise and thrilled that you can fell part of the story, connecting to my characters. It means so much to me. Thank you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Trybuck
I'm a bit surprised you didn't take the monster one... or better yet, You could have combined two or three of them into one. That way you could have used 400 words or more.:)
Yes, I was kidding... and yes I liked the story you wrote with a little twist at the end, typical you...
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I'm a bit surprised you didn't take the monster one... or better yet, You could have combined two or three of them into one. That way you could have used 400 words or more.:)
Yes, I was kidding... and yes I liked the story you wrote with a little twist at the end, typical you...
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Buck,
Awww! Typical me...You mean I don't surprise you anymore. I must do something to put the sass back into our relationship...My reader must be active with my characters and not hum drum...Maybe I should have written about the monster...LOL
Smiles to you, my friend, Carol
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Typical you -- Always surprising, never dull, Typical you is a very high complement where you're concerned. Enjoy your stories, Buck
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Buck...
Thanks for making me smile...Have a great day! Always your friend, Carol
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
You are such a good storyteller.
I love your story.
Good title.
I like the descriptions.
The action.
I can feel the fear in the child,
And the twist at the end.
Great job.
Good luck in the contest.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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You are such a good storyteller.
I love your story.
Good title.
I like the descriptions.
The action.
I can feel the fear in the child,
And the twist at the end.
Great job.
Good luck in the contest.
Kathryn
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Kathryn,
Thank you for reading, enjoying and the wonderful comments. I truly appreciate it. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome Carol,
Kathryn
Comment from barbara.wilkey
When we were stationed at Fort Campbell, an F5 tornado went through. My now next month 17 year old son, was in second grade, he is still scared of sever thunderstorms. Great flash fiction story.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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When we were stationed at Fort Campbell, an F5 tornado went through. My now next month 17 year old son, was in second grade, he is still scared of sever thunderstorms. Great flash fiction story.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Barbara,
Yes, It's something you don't forget. Thanks for the great review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from MizKat
Nightmares are horrific. I use to have them every night as a child. I was afraid to go to sleep because of them. I still remember what they were about, too. This is wonderful. Best wishes. Kat
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Nightmares are horrific. I use to have them every night as a child. I was afraid to go to sleep because of them. I still remember what they were about, too. This is wonderful. Best wishes. Kat
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Kat,
I used to dream I was free falling, It was horrible to wake up with a jolt. Thank you for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from chaswriter
Carol - I used to have nightmares about being in a tornado until I actually saw one close by. Ever since then, no nightmares about tornados. Enjoyed your story.
One suggestion:
She (shut off) the light - no hyphen
Charlie
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Carol - I used to have nightmares about being in a tornado until I actually saw one close by. Ever since then, no nightmares about tornados. Enjoyed your story.
One suggestion:
She (shut off) the light - no hyphen
Charlie
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Charlie,
Thanks so much for enjoying the story. Tornadoes can be horrifying, but I use to dream I was falling and then I would wake up with a jolt. Thanks for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from fictionwriter
What a horrible memory to relive over and over. I was never in the middle of one, but they pulled us off the road and made us leave our cars and move to a ditch in a field. Scared the crap out of me. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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What a horrible memory to relive over and over. I was never in the middle of one, but they pulled us off the road and made us leave our cars and move to a ditch in a field. Scared the crap out of me. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Joy,
They are very terrifying...and destructive. Thanks for reading and the sharing. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from suneagle
223 words. G'day Carol, it's great to see you diving into all these contests. You have a good imagination and you obviously snap to attention with ideas and get writing quickly. Good luck in the voting.
I've noted some places where your flash fiction narrative can be revised to tighten and activate the story better.
Bolts of lightning zigzagged across the sky. The wind whipped the tree branches against my window.
(You should be thinking of three things at the start of a flash fiction piece. First, a sharp start that will hook readers. Second, economy of words. Third, active phrasing. Notice how this could have been written:
Bolts of lightning zigzagged. Wind whipped tree branches against the window.
[The reader will assume the lightning is in the sky, and by eliminating some instances of "the" the sentences become short, sharp and terrific. I did change the pronoun "my" to "the" because you use the pronoun in the next sentence.])
She shut-off the light and pulled the door closed.
(Simplify: She shut-off the light and closed the door.)
A voice soothed me[:]
"It's only a thunderstorm."
(It's your story, but I believe it would be more credible if that read: "It's only a dream."
*** I trust I've been helpful. Have you considered joining my flash fiction class?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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223 words. G'day Carol, it's great to see you diving into all these contests. You have a good imagination and you obviously snap to attention with ideas and get writing quickly. Good luck in the voting.
I've noted some places where your flash fiction narrative can be revised to tighten and activate the story better.
Bolts of lightning zigzagged across the sky. The wind whipped the tree branches against my window.
(You should be thinking of three things at the start of a flash fiction piece. First, a sharp start that will hook readers. Second, economy of words. Third, active phrasing. Notice how this could have been written:
Bolts of lightning zigzagged. Wind whipped tree branches against the window.
[The reader will assume the lightning is in the sky, and by eliminating some instances of "the" the sentences become short, sharp and terrific. I did change the pronoun "my" to "the" because you use the pronoun in the next sentence.])
She shut-off the light and pulled the door closed.
(Simplify: She shut-off the light and closed the door.)
A voice soothed me[:]
"It's only a thunderstorm."
(It's your story, but I believe it would be more credible if that read: "It's only a dream."
*** I trust I've been helpful. Have you considered joining my flash fiction class?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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suneagle,
I thank you for all your suggestions and I have made changes except for the zigzag. It sounds too foreign to my ears when I change it. My oddity I guess since I love visuals.
As for the class, I have thought of it many times and know that I would enjoy learning. Unfortunately, my honey and I have both become misplaced workers in this rotten economy...I had to close my business and he had to take a job at half the wages...Life sucks but what's you going to do but live and try to start again.
Thanks again for your assistance...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sally Carter
Very vivid writing in the account of the thunder storm and your mum's reaction. I couldn't decide if this was a real incident or imaginary, but decided perhaps it was a dream about the past, which was evoked by the very similar sound of the train. In any event, an effective contrast between mum's behaviour and that of your husband.
A good story told in such a tight word count.
Best wishes. Sally
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Very vivid writing in the account of the thunder storm and your mum's reaction. I couldn't decide if this was a real incident or imaginary, but decided perhaps it was a dream about the past, which was evoked by the very similar sound of the train. In any event, an effective contrast between mum's behaviour and that of your husband.
A good story told in such a tight word count.
Best wishes. Sally
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Sally,
Tornadoes are terrifying and something one never forgets...The wind is so loud it sounds like a freight train is moving over top of you. Thanks for the kind review...Carol
