Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Innocent At Heart"Short Stories
72 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ...
This is another first-class story, well written with such good descriptions that you have provided your readers with vivid imagery throughout.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - the butterfly broach on the jacket ... this should be - butterfly brooch ... and you have broach towards the end as well ...
* You have - Or you going to have one of your goons ..
this should be - Or are you going to ...
* You have - I spit in his face ... this should be - I spat in his face ...
* You have - he let loose of my left wrist ... this should be - he loosened his grip on my left wrist .... OR ... he let go of my left wrist ...
Thank you for sharing this with us and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Hullo Carol ...
This is another first-class story, well written with such good descriptions that you have provided your readers with vivid imagery throughout.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - the butterfly broach on the jacket ... this should be - butterfly brooch ... and you have broach towards the end as well ...
* You have - Or you going to have one of your goons ..
this should be - Or are you going to ...
* You have - I spit in his face ... this should be - I spat in his face ...
* You have - he let loose of my left wrist ... this should be - he loosened his grip on my left wrist .... OR ... he let go of my left wrist ...
Thank you for sharing this with us and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Nanette,
Appreciate your suggestions as always and hope this finds you well. Thank you for reading and enjoying. Smiles, Carol
Comment from WRITER1
Excellent flash fiction. This is really told a total story I enjoyed reading it. I wish you the best in the contest. I am always amazed a person can get a whole story in only a short piece.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Excellent flash fiction. This is really told a total story I enjoyed reading it. I wish you the best in the contest. I am always amazed a person can get a whole story in only a short piece.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Donna,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments. Always appreciate hearing from you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from tati
You're really an excellent story teller, Carol. "Innocent at heart" is a pleasant to read story, suspensful, with good descriptions and great dialogue. Thank you for sharing your style of writing. I particularly love these interesting expressions:
- I was the only one screaming foul.
- A torturous gurgle escaped my lips
- He smiled, pleased with my fear.
- ... and spat the word again, "Sit."
- I felt the bite of his hand against my cheek.
- I headed for my car and home, sweet home.
Hope you don't mind me asking, Carol. What's the meaning of the word /accountings/ in the following sentence: The local newspaper /accountings?/ reported that Megan had broken into the abandoned house./
Warm wishes, and good luck in the contest.
tati, March 7, 2010
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2010
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You're really an excellent story teller, Carol. "Innocent at heart" is a pleasant to read story, suspensful, with good descriptions and great dialogue. Thank you for sharing your style of writing. I particularly love these interesting expressions:
- I was the only one screaming foul.
- A torturous gurgle escaped my lips
- He smiled, pleased with my fear.
- ... and spat the word again, "Sit."
- I felt the bite of his hand against my cheek.
- I headed for my car and home, sweet home.
Hope you don't mind me asking, Carol. What's the meaning of the word /accountings/ in the following sentence: The local newspaper /accountings?/ reported that Megan had broken into the abandoned house./
Warm wishes, and good luck in the contest.
tati, March 7, 2010
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2010
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Tati,
How wonderful to hear from you, my friend. I hope all is well in your end of the world. Thank you for the kind and generous review of my story.
Never hesitate to ask what I meant by something...newspaper accountings means their version of how something took place, their insight not necessarily the truth, just a reporters thoughts. Hope that clarifies it for you..
Thanks again - Smiles and hugs, Carol
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You see why I feel so fortunate to be your friend? I learn new things directly from a professional. And the expressions I got from "Innocent At Heart" are really precious. Thank you so very much. Lots of hugs,
tati
Comment from warbler
I loved your contest entry. The required letter wording fit in perfectly with the story that you created around it.
It kept my interest and I related to your character, Tammy.
Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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I loved your contest entry. The required letter wording fit in perfectly with the story that you created around it.
It kept my interest and I related to your character, Tammy.
Well done.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Tammy,
I am thrilled you enjoyed this story and I thank you for the gracious comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Begin,
You are an amazingly talented author. This is an outstanding entry! Good luck!
No spag in this piece. Nothing I can suggest to improve your work.
You really take your audience on a roller-coaster-ride of emotions. Well done!
Jan
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Hi Begin,
You are an amazingly talented author. This is an outstanding entry! Good luck!
No spag in this piece. Nothing I can suggest to improve your work.
You really take your audience on a roller-coaster-ride of emotions. Well done!
Jan
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Jan,
i am extremely flattered by your most generous comments. Thank you for lifting my spirits high. Smiles, Carol
Comment from douglasgclarke
I liked the characters and the story. You used a lot of good descriptions, but Tammy seemed to chill, shake, tremble, and spasm a little to much.
The lead in line also seemed to get lost a little, but maybe that's okay. She was just trying to shake up Tammy enough to get her to drive to the house. But why didn't the police just go to her house? I;m guessing there some more detail in you head that you didn't have room for.
I did like the setup, though Gator's actions towards the waitresses seemed a little out of place. Didn't he arrange for the place to be empty?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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I liked the characters and the story. You used a lot of good descriptions, but Tammy seemed to chill, shake, tremble, and spasm a little to much.
The lead in line also seemed to get lost a little, but maybe that's okay. She was just trying to shake up Tammy enough to get her to drive to the house. But why didn't the police just go to her house? I;m guessing there some more detail in you head that you didn't have room for.
I did like the setup, though Gator's actions towards the waitresses seemed a little out of place. Didn't he arrange for the place to be empty?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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douglas,
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well, Ms. Queen of the Short Stories, this is another wonderful job. I am thrilled that Tammy and Megan are fine and Gator will go away for good.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Well, Ms. Queen of the Short Stories, this is another wonderful job. I am thrilled that Tammy and Megan are fine and Gator will go away for good.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Barbara.
Thank you for all the kind praise. I am so pleased that you enjoyed this one. It was a fun write. Smiles, Carol
Comment from anabellapongasi
Hi Carol,
This is a very nice piece of fiction. I enjoyed reading it. Very well written, good dialogue, suspenseful,held my attention till the end. Very good and satisfying ending too. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Anabella
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Hi Carol,
This is a very nice piece of fiction. I enjoyed reading it. Very well written, good dialogue, suspenseful,held my attention till the end. Very good and satisfying ending too. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Anabella
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Anabella,
Thank you for your generous comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome:)
Anabella
Comment from ladybird
I really enjoyed this. It kept me on the ede of my seat from sart to finish.You kept the tension high, describing her going into the house, and at the Pizzieria. Good stuff.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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I really enjoyed this. It kept me on the ede of my seat from sart to finish.You kept the tension high, describing her going into the house, and at the Pizzieria. Good stuff.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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ladybird,
Glad you enjoyed another of my stories..This one sort of set me on edge too! Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol,
What an intriguing tale this is. I found myself wondering how Megan could be alive until the story unfolded and the truth was told. You are an excellent writer and I always enjoy your stories and this one is no exception. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Hi Carol,
What an intriguing tale this is. I found myself wondering how Megan could be alive until the story unfolded and the truth was told. You are an excellent writer and I always enjoy your stories and this one is no exception. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Chey,
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and for enjoying it. I appreciate it very much. Smiles to you, CArol
