Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Lonely Little Lilly"Short Stories
41 total reviews
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
The sweet little story is suffused with striking alliteration.
Little Lilly left lonely, looks for a distraction.
As she guides her pen under the giant oak, she spots a spider, a snail, and some little songsters building nests.
Later, after mummy softly sings her a song she slips off to slumber.
Good use of alliteratin for the story.
Juliette
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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The sweet little story is suffused with striking alliteration.
Little Lilly left lonely, looks for a distraction.
As she guides her pen under the giant oak, she spots a spider, a snail, and some little songsters building nests.
Later, after mummy softly sings her a song she slips off to slumber.
Good use of alliteratin for the story.
Juliette
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Juliette,
I am so glad that you enjoyed my attempt. Wasn't sure if I had it right or not but others seem to enjoy and I guess that's all I can ask for...Thanks...Carol
Comment from lola29
Carol, this is just precious and another fine example of your versatility. You never fail to delight and amuse us. Your descriptions are simply divine.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Carol, this is just precious and another fine example of your versatility. You never fail to delight and amuse us. Your descriptions are simply divine.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Lola,
Thank you for your generous and kind comments...You are a sweetheart! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Belinda
Hey... master of words, you can write a dozen of nature poems. alliterative ones too, with the words you've collected for this story of Lonely Little Lilly... Clever Carol creations are always creative. How's that?
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Hey... master of words, you can write a dozen of nature poems. alliterative ones too, with the words you've collected for this story of Lonely Little Lilly... Clever Carol creations are always creative. How's that?
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Belinda,
Thank you for the wonderful bit of alliteration and your generous comments as well...Smiles, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
You did a terrific job on your story with alliteration. An excellent children's story about Lonely Little Lilly. Excellent descriptive writing. I love the alliteration from these lines:
woefully wandered around wondering
petulantly pondering
tantalizing topic
would wistfully wile
mundane morning
Nothing, not a note
fancy flowers flouncing
Your story had lovely imagery. The art work you used is cute. Pat yourself on the back for a wonderfully written story. An excellent entry in the contest.
Melissa.
You did a great job. I use alliteration in most of my poetry. Here's a line from my latest poem I posted:
'Where daisies dally and daffodils dwell.'
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Carol,
You did a terrific job on your story with alliteration. An excellent children's story about Lonely Little Lilly. Excellent descriptive writing. I love the alliteration from these lines:
woefully wandered around wondering
petulantly pondering
tantalizing topic
would wistfully wile
mundane morning
Nothing, not a note
fancy flowers flouncing
Your story had lovely imagery. The art work you used is cute. Pat yourself on the back for a wonderfully written story. An excellent entry in the contest.
Melissa.
You did a great job. I use alliteration in most of my poetry. Here's a line from my latest poem I posted:
'Where daisies dally and daffodils dwell.'
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
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Melissa,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I always enjoy your comments and the thoughts you share. Smiles, Carol
Comment from misscookie
Well what ever you did it id marvelous. I thought the artwork was perfect match for e work story
I love and smile from the being to the end.
this is a great little piece.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Well what ever you did it id marvelous. I thought the artwork was perfect match for e work story
I love and smile from the being to the end.
this is a great little piece.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Cookie,
This was one of those stories that I wasn't even sure I knew what I was doing..Thanks for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
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your welcome, have a evening day.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written children tale with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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This is a well written children tale with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Charlie,
Thanks so much...I wasn't sure that I knew what I was doing. Appreciate the review. Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from fictionwriter
Well, that's more like what I've come to expect from you. Sorry to hear about the loss, makes things difficult. I know I posted on Monday, after being out most of the day promoting my new book, Quicksilver, by Joy Spraycar, if you're interested you can check it out at Amazon.com. Anyway, I was tired and my chapter showed it. I love reading your stuff, sorry if I was hard on you. My thoughts and prayer are with you during this difficult time. Your friend, Joy
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Well, that's more like what I've come to expect from you. Sorry to hear about the loss, makes things difficult. I know I posted on Monday, after being out most of the day promoting my new book, Quicksilver, by Joy Spraycar, if you're interested you can check it out at Amazon.com. Anyway, I was tired and my chapter showed it. I love reading your stuff, sorry if I was hard on you. My thoughts and prayer are with you during this difficult time. Your friend, Joy
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Joy,
I received news that the children's grandmother (my ex-husband's mother) had died. Instead of proofing, I posted so I could talk to them. Thank you for taking the time to find my errors...I've corrected all of it I think. I should have known better especially since I was having such a difficult time with it in the first place. Thanks again. smiles, Carol
Comment from Sasha
I don't now if this is correct either, but I don't care. It is an absolutely delightful, charming, and fun story to read. I got so caught up in it I stopped looking for the repetition. I read it twice, and as far as I can tell you did a very good job. Great entry for the contest (as far as I can tell) and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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I don't now if this is correct either, but I don't care. It is an absolutely delightful, charming, and fun story to read. I got so caught up in it I stopped looking for the repetition. I read it twice, and as far as I can tell you did a very good job. Great entry for the contest (as far as I can tell) and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Sasha,
I held my breath until Brooke wrote and send it was done well....Yeah! thank you for the kind and generous comments and review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Odd prompt. Kind of makes things distracting I think, but the story was cute. I think it seems like you might be trying to do doubles and triples of the pattern, that seems to fit, though I'm no expert on alliteration. I tried to compare, to me it looked right, but I'm not certain.
Good luck with this, you are braver than I to try!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Odd prompt. Kind of makes things distracting I think, but the story was cute. I think it seems like you might be trying to do doubles and triples of the pattern, that seems to fit, though I'm no expert on alliteration. I tried to compare, to me it looked right, but I'm not certain.
Good luck with this, you are braver than I to try!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Turtle,
I had no idea whether I had wasted my time attempting or if I had got it right...I held my breath until the first review...Doesn't appear to be how I would want to write a story again though. Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
I think you did a great job with the alliteration. I like the sound of it. It sort of makes prose sound like poetry. The picture must have insprited the cute story.
careened out of site ( out of sight) I think.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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I think you did a great job with the alliteration. I like the sound of it. It sort of makes prose sound like poetry. The picture must have insprited the cute story.
careened out of site ( out of sight) I think.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Beth, Actually I struggled with the story and when I searched for a picture, I found this one. It was easy to go back in and add a red dress and shoes and the last line about the Teddy Bear. Thanks so much for relieving my mind...I had no idea whether this was right or not. smiles, Carol
