Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Unnamed and Untamed"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
40 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
A moving flash fiction with a sad ending. I loved how you described the stallion's tribute and expression of goodbye to the rider and her horse. Best of luck.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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A moving flash fiction with a sad ending. I loved how you described the stallion's tribute and expression of goodbye to the rider and her horse. Best of luck.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Indy,
Sad but filled with love for the stallion's friends...even in the wildest beast there lies a good heart. Smiles....
Comment from redrider6612
This feels like a series of disjointed images, but it could potentially be a good story. I suggest taking what you have, fleshing it out until you have a complete story, and then trim it down to the required word count. That's what I do when I write micro flash.
If you decide to take my advice, send me a PM and I would be glad to take another look. If you need some help trimming it back down, let me know and I would be glad to help. Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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This feels like a series of disjointed images, but it could potentially be a good story. I suggest taking what you have, fleshing it out until you have a complete story, and then trim it down to the required word count. That's what I do when I write micro flash.
If you decide to take my advice, send me a PM and I would be glad to take another look. If you need some help trimming it back down, let me know and I would be glad to help. Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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REd,
Sorry you didn't enjoy the story...most comments have been favorable. Would you like to make your suggestions clearer as to where you feel it was disjointed?
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Who is Amy Walker? How did she and her Appaloosa fall? If she and her horse are the subject of the first paragraph, I think they should be mentioned earlier. How are they "friends" of the wild stallion?
Don't assume that I'm wrong just because you have received a bunch of shiny reviews. I have a lot of experience with micro fiction and have even had six stories published.
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Sorry to offend...didn't assume you were wrong just a difference of outlloks..I realize you are the expert and I only write for my enjoyment. Thank you ....
Comment from Sasha
In my opinion this is definite a six star story but I am out. You have done a marvelous job conveying a terrific, interesting, deeply moving story with excellent visual imagery. This is a superb entry for the contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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In my opinion this is definite a six star story but I am out. You have done a marvelous job conveying a terrific, interesting, deeply moving story with excellent visual imagery. This is a superb entry for the contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Sasha,
Ahh! You have dusted my heart with twinkling stars and I am pleased...especially since I was just told the story was disjointed and lacked interest. Thank you...Smiles
Comment from barbara.wilkey
WOW, you so said so much in such a few words. You painted the entire scene very vividly. It's a sad scene, but we can all see it. Your micro fiction addressed it all.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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WOW, you so said so much in such a few words. You painted the entire scene very vividly. It's a sad scene, but we can all see it. Your micro fiction addressed it all.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Barbara,
Sad but even the wildest of beasts can have love in their hearts..Thanks..Smiles
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ...
In this really short story, it is death that is the predominant theme, both for the lady - Amy Walker - her Horse, bitten by a Snake and the Stallion who reared up at the edge of a cliff and fell to his death.
From a writing point of view, there is nothing to suggest changing and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
Love from .. Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Hullo Carol ...
In this really short story, it is death that is the predominant theme, both for the lady - Amy Walker - her Horse, bitten by a Snake and the Stallion who reared up at the edge of a cliff and fell to his death.
From a writing point of view, there is nothing to suggest changing and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
Love from .. Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Nanette,
Thanks again for stopping by to read one of my shorts. I appreciate it very much. Smiles....
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Poet,
I love to ride horses, something I haven't done in a long time. This is a fine micro fiction story and I found myself wishing it was longer. Poor Amy and her black stallion...what a tragedy. Well done and I wish you good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Hi Poet,
I love to ride horses, something I haven't done in a long time. This is a fine micro fiction story and I found myself wishing it was longer. Poor Amy and her black stallion...what a tragedy. Well done and I wish you good luck in the contest....blessings, chey
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Chey,
I too found the sad but lovely bond between the wild beast and the deceased to be one that pulls you in and you want to learn more of how they got that way...May later! Smiles...
Comment from eliz100
A great piece in so few words. It evoked a strong emotional response in me. Do animals feel the pain of loss? I believe they do.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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A great piece in so few words. It evoked a strong emotional response in me. Do animals feel the pain of loss? I believe they do.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Eliz,
I know that when I am going through difficult times, my faithful four legged friends are there at my side and when my son died, they definitely felt the loss. Thank you...Smiles to you
Comment from LadyNyx
A very interesting story that shows very well in my opinion how no matter how well you know the wilderness, anything can happen. I also like how you incorporated the wild stallion into all of it. It brought a type of symmetry to the whole piece. Good job.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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A very interesting story that shows very well in my opinion how no matter how well you know the wilderness, anything can happen. I also like how you incorporated the wild stallion into all of it. It brought a type of symmetry to the whole piece. Good job.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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LadyNyx,
Thank you for reading and for understanding that connection between the wild and the civilized..we all have hearts. Smiles to you
Comment from rama devi
WOW. Powerful pacing and imagery and emotion and description and flow and very well chosen words make this a whirlwind of a read with a potent poetic portrait painted in prose.
That was a mouthful--as was your micro-story.
Brilliant and breathless.
bravo.
Warmly,r d
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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WOW. Powerful pacing and imagery and emotion and description and flow and very well chosen words make this a whirlwind of a read with a potent poetic portrait painted in prose.
That was a mouthful--as was your micro-story.
Brilliant and breathless.
bravo.
Warmly,r d
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Rama devi,
Oh you will never know how much I appreciate this review...especially since I was told by one reviewer it was disjointed and made little sense. Thank you so so so much! Smiles to you...
Comment from melyuki
an excellent piece of writing, delivering a very strong and vivid picture, together with meaning, emotion and power.
through clever use of words, the writer has created a story that immediately carries us into a state of sadness, and despair, for the sudden death of a rider and that of her horse. and yet at the very same time, brings power into play by associating the black stallion with death. this mighty creature, both gallant and wise, has paid homage to his fellow friends in their time of loss. a rather colourful comparison to unfortunate incident with the rattler... another power image used to contrast the strenghs being used. thanks for this awesome piece of writing and good luck to you my friend, who ever you may be. xxxx many smiles from melxxx
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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an excellent piece of writing, delivering a very strong and vivid picture, together with meaning, emotion and power.
through clever use of words, the writer has created a story that immediately carries us into a state of sadness, and despair, for the sudden death of a rider and that of her horse. and yet at the very same time, brings power into play by associating the black stallion with death. this mighty creature, both gallant and wise, has paid homage to his fellow friends in their time of loss. a rather colourful comparison to unfortunate incident with the rattler... another power image used to contrast the strenghs being used. thanks for this awesome piece of writing and good luck to you my friend, who ever you may be. xxxx many smiles from melxxx
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Well, now this bit of wonderful explosion of kindness should blow one reviewer right out of the saddle...said it was disjointed and didn't make sense...Thanks! I can always count on you for a lift!!! Smiles to you
