Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Unnamed and Untamed"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
40 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
I read through this contest entry, very nice control of the tale. I enjoyed. Not a happy ending, but a memorable and clear one. I liked the hinted to imagery at what happened. I take that the horse died, the rider with it before hand, and the stallion was sad to see them go.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I read through this contest entry, very nice control of the tale. I enjoyed. Not a happy ending, but a memorable and clear one. I liked the hinted to imagery at what happened. I take that the horse died, the rider with it before hand, and the stallion was sad to see them go.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Turtle,
Thank you..smiles to you
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent story, it is well written with good form and good flow, a great storyline, i think it is a sad story that draws the readers attention from the first strike of the snake to the stallion running away. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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this is an excellent story, it is well written with good form and good flow, a great storyline, i think it is a sad story that draws the readers attention from the first strike of the snake to the stallion running away. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 21-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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sweetwoodjax,
thank you...smiles to you
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
your short flash fiction packed a punch in so few words. What a tragic story with the beginning, middle and end. Gorgeous art work you used of the horse. How sad the snake caused the horse to throw its rider and they both died thanks to the rattler. Vivid imagery, excellent narrative and very descriptive writing. The lines that packed the best punches:
In the valley below lay the lifeless body of Amy Walker. Amidst the thicket, her faithful Appaloosa whinnied, taking a last breath.
The wild horse came upon the tragic scene of girl being thrown to the valley below the canyon and her Appaloosa dying from a snake bite. This is an awesome flash fiction piece. Good luck in the flash fiction contest. I'm sure this will be a real contender. You are a very talented writer to make such a sad and full story in so few words. Have a lovely weekend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Carol,
your short flash fiction packed a punch in so few words. What a tragic story with the beginning, middle and end. Gorgeous art work you used of the horse. How sad the snake caused the horse to throw its rider and they both died thanks to the rattler. Vivid imagery, excellent narrative and very descriptive writing. The lines that packed the best punches:
In the valley below lay the lifeless body of Amy Walker. Amidst the thicket, her faithful Appaloosa whinnied, taking a last breath.
The wild horse came upon the tragic scene of girl being thrown to the valley below the canyon and her Appaloosa dying from a snake bite. This is an awesome flash fiction piece. Good luck in the flash fiction contest. I'm sure this will be a real contender. You are a very talented writer to make such a sad and full story in so few words. Have a lovely weekend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Melissa,
Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol
Comment from Realist101
AHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!! I have had this very fear, only in our area the snakes like to hide, we have copperheads and some rattlers, but so far here, I have only seen some baby ones. This rider came to a fate that I have feared here, we have had explosions and fireworks up next to us so often I am afraid to even try anymore. Hence the selling of this place. This is a neat micro!! Very well done, and horses even!!!!!! ") Love, Susan
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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AHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!! I have had this very fear, only in our area the snakes like to hide, we have copperheads and some rattlers, but so far here, I have only seen some baby ones. This rider came to a fate that I have feared here, we have had explosions and fireworks up next to us so often I am afraid to even try anymore. Hence the selling of this place. This is a neat micro!! Very well done, and horses even!!!!!! ") Love, Susan
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Susan,
Thank you as always...smiles to you
Comment from adewpearl
How tragic, that the rattler bite to the filly ended in the filly's death and the rider's - what a poignant ending as the wild stallion bids adieu to both his friends. This is excellent micro-fiction, Carol - filled with high drama and emotion. Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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How tragic, that the rattler bite to the filly ended in the filly's death and the rider's - what a poignant ending as the wild stallion bids adieu to both his friends. This is excellent micro-fiction, Carol - filled with high drama and emotion. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Brooke,
Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol
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Carol, hang in there - I really do miss you :-)
Comment from Trybuck
That was a sad one. Woman and horse both die... Way too sad...
May want to check the spelling of cannon -- canyon
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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That was a sad one. Woman and horse both die... Way too sad...
May want to check the spelling of cannon -- canyon
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Buck,
I knew I was really tired but... Thanks for the help. I appreciate it! Smiles, Carol
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At least you're trying to write. I haven't done much of that lately. You're welcome, Buck
Comment from LadyWave
You really know how to write a very complete story in so few words! I thought you did a great job with this. You painted the scene excellently with your words and really gave me a vivid picture in my mind.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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You really know how to write a very complete story in so few words! I thought you did a great job with this. You painted the scene excellently with your words and really gave me a vivid picture in my mind.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Thank you...smiles to you
Comment from BethShelby
This is great flash fiction but a sad story. I love the picture of the house you chose to illustrate it. I'm sure a snake bite would cause a horse to rear. The second paragragh is especially descriptive.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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This is great flash fiction but a sad story. I love the picture of the house you chose to illustrate it. I'm sure a snake bite would cause a horse to rear. The second paragragh is especially descriptive.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Beth,
Thank you..smiles to you
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very colorful story. You have four horses in your story and I got a little mixed up. Thr Apalossa could be the filly, or the steed. The stallion could be the Steed, but I got the feeling it was wild and free.
Sugesstion.
A filly is a young female horse.
A steed refers to a high spirited stallion.
*******
By Jove! you got it. (LOL)
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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This is a very colorful story. You have four horses in your story and I got a little mixed up. Thr Apalossa could be the filly, or the steed. The stallion could be the Steed, but I got the feeling it was wild and free.
Sugesstion.
A filly is a young female horse.
A steed refers to a high spirited stallion.
*******
By Jove! you got it. (LOL)
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Charlie,
Now it is very clear why you write the westerns and I stick to city life...Two horses (Amy Walker on the filly and the black stallion.) Hope I fixed it! Thanks for the assistance...Carol
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Hi Carol. I've updated my review. FS wouldn't allow me to give you a sixer. Charlie
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Charlie,
Your help was worth more to me than the stars..Thank you..Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Carol, what a short piece. Let me try to imagine what happened: Amy was riding her horse, a rattler snake came out from its hiding place and the two faithful friends died in the valley. Btw to whom did the wild beast (snake) bid adieu? To other snakes?I hope I interpret it right, Carol.
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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi, Carol, what a short piece. Let me try to imagine what happened: Amy was riding her horse, a rattler snake came out from its hiding place and the two faithful friends died in the valley. Btw to whom did the wild beast (snake) bid adieu? To other snakes?I hope I interpret it right, Carol.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Belinda,
I tried to clarify it better...Amy was riding along the ridge on her filly when a rattlesnake bit it sending the horse and rider to their death. The wild black stallion who Amy had befriended stood at the edge and bit farewell. Hope that makes it easier to understand. i did try to fix it...Thanks...Carol
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I will another look at it. Thanks.
