Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Time Marches On"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
40 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
your flash fiction is extremely well written. Adorable art work. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. How moving Sandy promised she would come back and not leave her like Daddy did. Divorce is so hard on kids. You did a terrific job and in enjoyed your flash fiction immensely. Have a blessed day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Carol,
your flash fiction is extremely well written. Adorable art work. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. How moving Sandy promised she would come back and not leave her like Daddy did. Divorce is so hard on kids. You did a terrific job and in enjoyed your flash fiction immensely. Have a blessed day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Please excuse my tardiness in thanking you for the kind comments...Smiles, Carol
Comment from LoveLifeKnight
i enjoyed this story even though i accidentally read the end first so it wasn't really a surprise. i like what the daughter says to her mom, and even what the son says because they are showing unconditional love.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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i enjoyed this story even though i accidentally read the end first so it wasn't really a surprise. i like what the daughter says to her mom, and even what the son says because they are showing unconditional love.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment..I apologize for my delay in thanking you..Carol
Comment from Sasha
This is very well written, deeply moving, and has a marvelous surprise ending. I have no criticisms other than I think you should pick a photo of a younger child to illustrate this. Very, very nice work with this one.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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This is very well written, deeply moving, and has a marvelous surprise ending. I have no criticisms other than I think you should pick a photo of a younger child to illustrate this. Very, very nice work with this one.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment..I apologize for my delay in thanking you..Carol
Comment from RebelRose
You accomplished what you meant to do...I thought it was indeed an older child leaving home. The little 5 y/o did sound quite mature, though, in her thoughts (last line). Great story.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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You accomplished what you meant to do...I thought it was indeed an older child leaving home. The little 5 y/o did sound quite mature, though, in her thoughts (last line). Great story.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment..I apologize for my delay in thanking you..Carol
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Patty,
Thank you so much for enjoying the story. Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
I wasn't confused, I got it once the young boy switched it up, and the addition of her five-year-old nose pressed against the window, solidified the scene. I thought this was a good short, simple, emotion-packed scene.
--Turtle.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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I wasn't confused, I got it once the young boy switched it up, and the addition of her five-year-old nose pressed against the window, solidified the scene. I thought this was a good short, simple, emotion-packed scene.
--Turtle.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Turtle,
Awesome..Thanks so much...Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you..Carol
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Turtle,
Wow..Wonderful words and shiny stars...Thank you so much...Carol
Comment from Realist101
Hi Carol! I think the confusion is due to the photo! ? I understood it as I read it. I would change the picture...have just a mother and a small girl? Just a suggestion. This really brought back the real fear I felt the first time my son went to stay at his school. It was awful. I know now, the "empty nest" feeling. I could not imagine until it happened to me! Very emotional story Carol! Love!! Susan
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Hi Carol! I think the confusion is due to the photo! ? I understood it as I read it. I would change the picture...have just a mother and a small girl? Just a suggestion. This really brought back the real fear I felt the first time my son went to stay at his school. It was awful. I know now, the "empty nest" feeling. I could not imagine until it happened to me! Very emotional story Carol! Love!! Susan
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment..I apologize for my delay in thanking you..Carol
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Susan,
Thank you again for always being there..Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You succeeded in what you set out to accomplish. I felt it was a teenager, but I couldn't figure out where she was going that would be that traumatic. I finally settled on her going to live with her father.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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You succeeded in what you set out to accomplish. I felt it was a teenager, but I couldn't figure out where she was going that would be that traumatic. I finally settled on her going to live with her father.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Barbara..
My apologies for being so slow..but then I know you understand about time getting away from you..Smiles and thanks, Carol
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Barbara,
Thanks so much...Crol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol, I didn't see any confusion. I thought it worked well. I like the fact you used the brother to bring out the twist. It's understandable, at least from a mother's POV, that she would be upset when her child first leaves to stay overnight. I know I cried the first time my child slept somewhere else. And I did it for all of them, not just the baby.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Hi Carol, I didn't see any confusion. I thought it worked well. I like the fact you used the brother to bring out the twist. It's understandable, at least from a mother's POV, that she would be upset when her child first leaves to stay overnight. I know I cried the first time my child slept somewhere else. And I did it for all of them, not just the baby.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Thank you...thank you..thank you Smiles, CArol
Comment from eliz100
This was a good short read. I thought she was going off to college. I was surprised to see she was five going to grandma's for the weekend.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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This was a good short read. I thought she was going off to college. I was surprised to see she was five going to grandma's for the weekend.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Thank you...thank you..thank you Smiles, CArol
Comment from ladybird
Another excellent write.
The ending is a nice twist, letting the reader think an older child is leaving.
Love the descriptive of the teddy bear.
A very nice piece of flash fiction.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Another excellent write.
The ending is a nice twist, letting the reader think an older child is leaving.
Love the descriptive of the teddy bear.
A very nice piece of flash fiction.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
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Thank you...thank you..thank you Smiles, CArol
