Water Under the Bridge
senryu110 total reviews
Comment from jaeladarling
I love all the implications in this poem. Great use of a well-known idiom. This is the second senryu I've read in two days, but yours is by far the better of the two. :) I'm so glad we can give out 4 six-star ratings now!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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I love all the implications in this poem. Great use of a well-known idiom. This is the second senryu I've read in two days, but yours is by far the better of the two. :) I'm so glad we can give out 4 six-star ratings now!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Jae, thanks so very much for this generous and gracious review of my satiric senryu - you are most encouraging :-) Brooke
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
This senryu puts me in some doubts:) for the theme chosen, the last line that is independent. Yet, the over all influence is so overwhelming, that i could not help applauding the " physics of lines"
well done
regards
K
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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This senryu puts me in some doubts:) for the theme chosen, the last line that is independent. Yet, the over all influence is so overwhelming, that i could not help applauding the " physics of lines"
well done
regards
K
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Kashif, thanks for your feedback. Brooke
Comment from Harlequin
Very interesting indeed. : ) I like how you worked a well known saying 'water under the bridge' into a poem. A truly original way...and I love it. : )
Thank you for sharing. : )
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Very interesting indeed. : ) I like how you worked a well known saying 'water under the bridge' into a poem. A truly original way...and I love it. : )
Thank you for sharing. : )
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Petrarch, Thank you, my friend, for your encouraging review of this satiric senryu. Brooke :-)
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You are welcome...you deserved it. : )
Ed
Comment from Sally Carter
Very clever and effective, Brooke.
Not only does this speak to me about homeless folk from civilised countries who are without homes, but it also seems very relevant in this time of freak weather conditions, people forced onto the streets by flood, landslide and so on, soon forgotten by the media like water under the bridge.
Terrific!
Sally
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Very clever and effective, Brooke.
Not only does this speak to me about homeless folk from civilised countries who are without homes, but it also seems very relevant in this time of freak weather conditions, people forced onto the streets by flood, landslide and so on, soon forgotten by the media like water under the bridge.
Terrific!
Sally
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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You are so right, Sally - the media loves spectacular disasters with dramatic footage - they don't care about victims a few weeks after all the dramatic stuff is over and only the slow suffering is left. Nobody wants to watch a two minute news segment of the drudgery of daily life in a refuge camp - they want to watch the little kid brought out from under the rubble as everybody cheers. Once the kid is up on the surface, he's yesterday's news. Thank you for your most insightful comments. Brooke
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Brooke
An interesting senryu. I like how you refer to hobo's tents or primitive shelters as "makeshift homesteads". But this is all they have, possibly a sleeping bag and a piece of plastic. Their meagre possessions might be plain garbage to us. We might throw away what they would call a prize.
Your poem made me think of that song,
"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out ev'ry night"
So where do these poor derelicts go when the rains bulge the river, washing away their riches? Rain can be unforgiving. They start over. Hobos are a resilient breed. We who have everything would have a much harder time starting over.
How many of us would give a hobo a second thought when a storm hits...when the rain comes down in buckets? How many of us would give a second thought to the homeless on the coldest night of the winter? How many of us think about those with empty bellies while they are eating their Christmas feasts? I believe this is what you're getting at, Brooke, in your last line "water under the bridge"... because many of us might dismiss thoughts of the homeless with the blink of an eye. As you write in your author notes,"something unimportant that should best stay forgotten and in the past".
But you are nudging us, Brooke, to remember those less fortunate. Especially at this time of the year.
Nicely penned!
your fan
Kimbob
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Hi Brooke
An interesting senryu. I like how you refer to hobo's tents or primitive shelters as "makeshift homesteads". But this is all they have, possibly a sleeping bag and a piece of plastic. Their meagre possessions might be plain garbage to us. We might throw away what they would call a prize.
Your poem made me think of that song,
"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out ev'ry night"
So where do these poor derelicts go when the rains bulge the river, washing away their riches? Rain can be unforgiving. They start over. Hobos are a resilient breed. We who have everything would have a much harder time starting over.
How many of us would give a hobo a second thought when a storm hits...when the rain comes down in buckets? How many of us would give a second thought to the homeless on the coldest night of the winter? How many of us think about those with empty bellies while they are eating their Christmas feasts? I believe this is what you're getting at, Brooke, in your last line "water under the bridge"... because many of us might dismiss thoughts of the homeless with the blink of an eye. As you write in your author notes,"something unimportant that should best stay forgotten and in the past".
But you are nudging us, Brooke, to remember those less fortunate. Especially at this time of the year.
Nicely penned!
your fan
Kimbob
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Kimbob, thank you for this wonderfully thoughtful and attentive, perceptive review :-) Brooke
Comment from Matoshka
"Rain sweeps homemade homesteads from the riverbank, water under the bridge." I could see the homeless under the bridge in makeshift home, rain comes washes their homes away. No one is hurt so it is water under the bridge, they can start over. Your picture fit your words and gave a picture of beauty to me of those those living under the bridge with all the water and trees. I enjoyed this very much and it sends a message of how some homeless folks do live. It was great information in your authors notes. Blessings.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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"Rain sweeps homemade homesteads from the riverbank, water under the bridge." I could see the homeless under the bridge in makeshift home, rain comes washes their homes away. No one is hurt so it is water under the bridge, they can start over. Your picture fit your words and gave a picture of beauty to me of those those living under the bridge with all the water and trees. I enjoyed this very much and it sends a message of how some homeless folks do live. It was great information in your authors notes. Blessings.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks, Matoshka, for your kind thoughts :-) Brooke
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You are so welcome Brooke, I couldn't find the right words to really express the beauty and truth in your poem, it hit home a little to close. Blessings.
Comment from Paulpl52
In my town in England we have what's called the Banbury young homelessness project. They do a great deal in helping young people find accommodation. Homelessness affects all tenets of society, your poem brings to light their plight. Well done Brooke, Paul.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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In my town in England we have what's called the Banbury young homelessness project. They do a great deal in helping young people find accommodation. Homelessness affects all tenets of society, your poem brings to light their plight. Well done Brooke, Paul.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Paul, my town has a county-run shelter, the Salvation Army and several other organizations working to house the homeless in various ways, but all have waiting lines and even if they could accommodate everyone who got in line, there are a certain number of people who will not apply for shelter, some mentally ill, some suspicious of shelters, some addicted and not willing to abide by rules about not being drunk or high on the premises. It is just a tragic situation. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Brooke :-)
Comment from fayesh
Brooke, I think you make a profound statement about a social dilemma,that of the plight of the most impoverished of our citizenry. When natural disaster strikes them, they become unimportant in the scheme of things. How tragic!
Beautiful use of an idiomatic expression. Faye
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Brooke, I think you make a profound statement about a social dilemma,that of the plight of the most impoverished of our citizenry. When natural disaster strikes them, they become unimportant in the scheme of things. How tragic!
Beautiful use of an idiomatic expression. Faye
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks so very much, Faye, for this most generous response to my senryu - the sad thing is that they are unimportant in the scheme of things every day to most people. Brooke :-)
Comment from Ghosterb
This was a very good Senryu my friend.
I like your wording and the picture they paint.
Sometimes it's hard to believe there are so many homeless people in our great country. I truly believe that we as a country should help them more than we do.
Very nicely done!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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This was a very good Senryu my friend.
I like your wording and the picture they paint.
Sometimes it's hard to believe there are so many homeless people in our great country. I truly believe that we as a country should help them more than we do.
Very nicely done!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Ghosterb, too bad more people don't believe as you do, or are not willing to actually do what it takes to do something. Ask 100 people if they think homelessness is good and they will say, of course it isn't. But ask 100 people what they're willing to do about it, and then the hemming and hawing starts. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response to this poem. Brooke :-)
Comment from Beth123B
Wow! What an amazing amount of depth in 17 short syllables. Homelessness, and the 'people under the bridge' remain an ongoing problem in this country, and the last line is a ringing challenge to do something about it. Kudos!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Wow! What an amazing amount of depth in 17 short syllables. Homelessness, and the 'people under the bridge' remain an ongoing problem in this country, and the last line is a ringing challenge to do something about it. Kudos!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thank you, Beth, for your thoughtful reading of this poem. Brooke :-)
