Squirrelly
A squirrell enjoys Thanksgiving with best friends.60 total reviews
Comment from DrCarter2001
This is a very cute story. Reminds me a little bit of the Fantastic Mr. Fox, who also loses his tail, but this is a much more family-friendly story in my mind.
My one main criticism from a technical point is that in a few places you lose the squirrel's point of view. The first paragraph sounds more like a third-person narrator talking about the small animals, but that can be easily fixed to give more of Squirrelly's voice. However, I would eliminate the 7th paragraph altogether. There is no way Squirrelly could know how this went down since he wasn't there, and it's unnecessary because we know two paragraphs later that he finds the cake they left for him. I'm okay with the fifth paragraph starting with "unbeknownst to me" (although this is still a jaunt from his POV), but again, although cute, I would delete the last sentence, since Squirrelly can have no idea what the littlest one is thinking, especially since he's not there.
A few SPAG: "there are three girls (living) in the house next to my favorite tree who often leave treats"
"(A)lmost isn't good enough"
Cute entry for this contest overall. Just take a look at the POV and I think it will be a winner. Cheers!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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This is a very cute story. Reminds me a little bit of the Fantastic Mr. Fox, who also loses his tail, but this is a much more family-friendly story in my mind.
My one main criticism from a technical point is that in a few places you lose the squirrel's point of view. The first paragraph sounds more like a third-person narrator talking about the small animals, but that can be easily fixed to give more of Squirrelly's voice. However, I would eliminate the 7th paragraph altogether. There is no way Squirrelly could know how this went down since he wasn't there, and it's unnecessary because we know two paragraphs later that he finds the cake they left for him. I'm okay with the fifth paragraph starting with "unbeknownst to me" (although this is still a jaunt from his POV), but again, although cute, I would delete the last sentence, since Squirrelly can have no idea what the littlest one is thinking, especially since he's not there.
A few SPAG: "there are three girls (living) in the house next to my favorite tree who often leave treats"
"(A)lmost isn't good enough"
Cute entry for this contest overall. Just take a look at the POV and I think it will be a winner. Cheers!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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You know, I feel the same way about POV> I didn't know if I can edit it for the contest, or if it stays the same as the first post. But I agree with you. You seem to be the only one who caught this. Thanks.
Comment from shainarichmond
This squirrel's perspective is precious! He's very personable. I really appreciate how you stay consistently in present tense. It irritates me when people switch between past and present. Very nicely done and easy to read.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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This squirrel's perspective is precious! He's very personable. I really appreciate how you stay consistently in present tense. It irritates me when people switch between past and present. Very nicely done and easy to read.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from shadz91
Huh quite a unique tail.....pun not intended :P.
Sadly i am one of those readers who allow my common sense and grip on reality get in the way of a good story. Not to say i didn't enjoy the story, quite the opposite. There were just a few fats that sort of nagged me during the story.
For example how did the squirrel now they were girls? it might of added a bit of authenticity to add a few unique terms for squirrel to call the girls like the two walkers or something (hopefully something a bit more original).If Squirrels lose their tails isn't that sorta fatal? I am not to sure but i am certain that aside from a few specific species that if a squirrel loses their tail they lose all balance making them unable to climb and jump which in turn making them open to attack by predators such as dogs, cats etc.
Now as you can see what i am talking about. These things bother me when i am reading and there is no way to block out that nagging voice in my head (which ironically enough sounds a lot like my mum lol). None the less this is a family story and I assume it had a word count so I am not holding any of that against you. Overall I like the story and i am looking forward to reding your other work.
Keep up the good work
Shadz
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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Huh quite a unique tail.....pun not intended :P.
Sadly i am one of those readers who allow my common sense and grip on reality get in the way of a good story. Not to say i didn't enjoy the story, quite the opposite. There were just a few fats that sort of nagged me during the story.
For example how did the squirrel now they were girls? it might of added a bit of authenticity to add a few unique terms for squirrel to call the girls like the two walkers or something (hopefully something a bit more original).If Squirrels lose their tails isn't that sorta fatal? I am not to sure but i am certain that aside from a few specific species that if a squirrel loses their tail they lose all balance making them unable to climb and jump which in turn making them open to attack by predators such as dogs, cats etc.
Now as you can see what i am talking about. These things bother me when i am reading and there is no way to block out that nagging voice in my head (which ironically enough sounds a lot like my mum lol). None the less this is a family story and I assume it had a word count so I am not holding any of that against you. Overall I like the story and i am looking forward to reding your other work.
Keep up the good work
Shadz
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2011
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Thank you for your review and the stars. Your point about how Squirrelly would know they were girls is excellent. I wrote the story for my three granddaughters when they began telling me about the squirrel they named Squirrelly. They were feeding him, and uncharacteristically, Sandy their dog, left him alone but chased away other squirrels so the little guy could eat in peace. Surprisingly, it is not fatal to lose a tail. Other readers have told me about the tail-less squirrells in their yards, and I saw him for myself two weeks ago running and hopping ( I didn't see him roll, though) through the yard. He moves around quite well, but the family was worried about predators, too. He has managed to outwit that factor thus far. I like the idea of calling the girls the three short walkers except that they rarely walk. They run, dance and twirl nearly everywhere. I am like you with the naggy nuisances. My grown daughter and I even go so far as to make pencil marks in the books we read of the typos, misspelled words and gaffes. Again, Thank you for the time to point out these nagging details.
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It was my pleasure, and now that it is not 10pm at night the thought occurred to me to check the internet about the tail thing (kinda hows how much a good night sleep can fix your thought patterns lol) and it's basically stated that an animal can adapt to a loss of a limb provided it has shelter, food etc so i learnt something knew.
I can fully appreciate getting a pencil and marking all those mistakes in books i have read, the sad thing is that a lot of the books have been poplar or at least used in the school curriculum which now that i think about it is sad and depressing. One of the main reasons why I have gone to the net to find some good stories.
Nonetheless I look forward to reading more of your works and i hope Squirrelly is well-feed :D
Comment from judy corcoran
lovely. i like the way little squirrelly looks on the bright side of it all as he describes how he can
'scamper off in that cute new run-roll-hop way of mine.'
a very enjoyable write - kept me interested all the way
thanks for sharing
i wish you all the best in the competition
and in the new year
cheers
judy
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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lovely. i like the way little squirrelly looks on the bright side of it all as he describes how he can
'scamper off in that cute new run-roll-hop way of mine.'
a very enjoyable write - kept me interested all the way
thanks for sharing
i wish you all the best in the competition
and in the new year
cheers
judy
Comment Written 01-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from cmj97r
This was such a sweet story you told. I really felt for the poor fella when he lost his tail. It was great how he 'adjusted' to his new 'tailless' body and made the most of it. I think we humans could really learn from this....when you get lemons; make lemonade. I was rooting for that squirrel the whole story through!! Really nicely told. I didn't find myself racing through and skipping to the end; you made me want to read every word!! Very well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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This was such a sweet story you told. I really felt for the poor fella when he lost his tail. It was great how he 'adjusted' to his new 'tailless' body and made the most of it. I think we humans could really learn from this....when you get lemons; make lemonade. I was rooting for that squirrel the whole story through!! Really nicely told. I didn't find myself racing through and skipping to the end; you made me want to read every word!! Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Wow, I really appreciate the great review.
Comment from sidone
Good flow good details picture and story goes together,keep up the good work,a pleasure to read,good luck blessing new year to you and family
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Good flow good details picture and story goes together,keep up the good work,a pleasure to read,good luck blessing new year to you and family
Comment Written 01-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Thank you for the great review.
Comment from MizKat
Your story about 'an animal's point of view' is soooo cute. I enjoyed it from beginning to end and I notice others like it too as it already has the All Time Best award. Kudos!!! Kat
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Your story about 'an animal's point of view' is soooo cute. I enjoyed it from beginning to end and I notice others like it too as it already has the All Time Best award. Kudos!!! Kat
Comment Written 01-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2011
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Thank you for the great review. Glad you like it.
Comment from Gungalo
A cake eating squirrel that made himself at home. Love this little write you and found it to be most entertaining. You have personified him well.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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A cake eating squirrel that made himself at home. Love this little write you and found it to be most entertaining. You have personified him well.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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Thank you for you comment and review.
Comment from stanishmichelle
This is a great story, and one that kids will enjoy. It was told so convincingly from a squirrel's point of view. The plot is strong and interesting to the end. The squirrel are lovable, and the kids are so kind hearted. This is a good entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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This is a great story, and one that kids will enjoy. It was told so convincingly from a squirrel's point of view. The plot is strong and interesting to the end. The squirrel are lovable, and the kids are so kind hearted. This is a good entry for the contest.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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Thank you for you kin commens and stars.
Comment from Southern Writer
My grandson's will love this when I read it to them. I have raised several baby squirrels and one lost his tail to a dog. So this was a story I really ejoyed.
And thank goodness you didn't let that boy get killed by the truck. Would have just been too sad.
Nice photo
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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My grandson's will love this when I read it to them. I have raised several baby squirrels and one lost his tail to a dog. So this was a story I really ejoyed.
And thank goodness you didn't let that boy get killed by the truck. Would have just been too sad.
Nice photo
Comment Written 31-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2010
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Thank you for the review. I hop your grandsons will enjoy it.
