Spit, Gum and Shoe Laces
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "A Warrior's Stand"A Progression Of Expression From Fiction To Faith
8 total reviews
Comment from Jewell McChesney
Ah..to be still and know, "It is finished". Good to see your work again..your steadfast faith runs fluently through the veins of this well written poetry. It's an honor to read and review. Jj
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Ah..to be still and know, "It is finished". Good to see your work again..your steadfast faith runs fluently through the veins of this well written poetry. It's an honor to read and review. Jj
Comment Written 06-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Thanks JJ, much appreciated. God bless.
Comment from swosugrad09
"When scripture confirms that still small voice,
the patience of sacrifice is worth the choice." I really love these two lines. What a great reminder of what faith leads us to. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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"When scripture confirms that still small voice,
the patience of sacrifice is worth the choice." I really love these two lines. What a great reminder of what faith leads us to. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece.
Comment from ladywiltse
This is a great poem about your faith in God. The man with the bigger plan. I enjoyed this quatrain with aabb rhyming sound. I love "and give back whole what was broken apart" ~ nice job.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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This is a great poem about your faith in God. The man with the bigger plan. I enjoyed this quatrain with aabb rhyming sound. I love "and give back whole what was broken apart" ~ nice job.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece.
Comment from bazinfan
Hello, Blue-Stubby,
I'll say first of all that I found this poem's characterization of faith as a "battle," "struggle," and "fight," interesting and worthy of further exploration. There is an assumed antagonist in this poem, and even the narrator's axioms are laced with an inherent aggression that I found notable, though relatively unexplored.
This brings me to the points that I felt needed further development. I'll separate the comments into content and style.
Although there are many interesting places this poem could go, (e.g. faith as passive aggression, man's relationship to a seemingly indifferent God (in this poem), the value of love, etc) this poem stays very much on the surface. The effect is platitudinal. I would love to see something deeper. What are the stakes? Who is the battle with? Why?
In terms of style, choosing quatrains with heroic couplets could be an interesting decision. In the past (ie the 17th century), this poetic form was used to affect an Homeric solidity. The form was altered and added to by Pope and, of course, Milton. Any time a poet invokes the Heroic couplet s/he brings to bear the history of that form, and begs the question: what is the meaning of this form here?
This poem breaks form in its third line (traditionally, each line should have 10 syllables). Breaking form is always a moment of interest, yet here, particularly because the poem never re-forms, nor matches its content to its style, the effect on this reader was to see it as mimicking a poetic form without really being conscious.
As with the content, the style therefore remains bromidically on the surface without concerning itself with its own poetic form, nor its effect on the reader.
It would be wonderful to see this poem delve deeper into itself, both formally and substantially. It hints at some interesting ideas about faith, love, and relationships.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Hello, Blue-Stubby,
I'll say first of all that I found this poem's characterization of faith as a "battle," "struggle," and "fight," interesting and worthy of further exploration. There is an assumed antagonist in this poem, and even the narrator's axioms are laced with an inherent aggression that I found notable, though relatively unexplored.
This brings me to the points that I felt needed further development. I'll separate the comments into content and style.
Although there are many interesting places this poem could go, (e.g. faith as passive aggression, man's relationship to a seemingly indifferent God (in this poem), the value of love, etc) this poem stays very much on the surface. The effect is platitudinal. I would love to see something deeper. What are the stakes? Who is the battle with? Why?
In terms of style, choosing quatrains with heroic couplets could be an interesting decision. In the past (ie the 17th century), this poetic form was used to affect an Homeric solidity. The form was altered and added to by Pope and, of course, Milton. Any time a poet invokes the Heroic couplet s/he brings to bear the history of that form, and begs the question: what is the meaning of this form here?
This poem breaks form in its third line (traditionally, each line should have 10 syllables). Breaking form is always a moment of interest, yet here, particularly because the poem never re-forms, nor matches its content to its style, the effect on this reader was to see it as mimicking a poetic form without really being conscious.
As with the content, the style therefore remains bromidically on the surface without concerning itself with its own poetic form, nor its effect on the reader.
It would be wonderful to see this poem delve deeper into itself, both formally and substantially. It hints at some interesting ideas about faith, love, and relationships.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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I must say of your review, I appreciate your overstated literary and intellectual façadeâ?¦ and my first â??1starâ? rating. A regrettable achievement but quite humorous. You crafted such an eloquent rubber duck, trying to pass it off as a Cornish Henâ?¦ and maybe the masses would chew on it and taste a little butter and wineâ?¦ but my discernment says to leave it on the plate. God Bless your day.
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Hi, Blue-Stubby, just trying to help. Thanks for writing back. -Bazinfan
Comment from rama devi
Hello there---from your review of my poem I came by to your p[age and notice you are an oldie returning so WELCOME BACK> I love the theme of your fine poem here.
Favorite lines-
When scripture confirms that still small voice,
the patience of sacrifice is worth the choice. (so true)
One suggestion-
the rhyming is good but using DONE twice weakens the work slightly.
Faith and Face are near rhymes and work fine read aloud.
One spag
When the struggle(')s over and all's said and done,
I'll give glory to the Lord for the courage of His Son.
nice closing line-
that LOVE be the victory for this still faithful man.
May you be victorious in the path of divine love.
Love the spirituality in tone and content. Nice presentation too.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Hello there---from your review of my poem I came by to your p[age and notice you are an oldie returning so WELCOME BACK> I love the theme of your fine poem here.
Favorite lines-
When scripture confirms that still small voice,
the patience of sacrifice is worth the choice. (so true)
One suggestion-
the rhyming is good but using DONE twice weakens the work slightly.
Faith and Face are near rhymes and work fine read aloud.
One spag
When the struggle(')s over and all's said and done,
I'll give glory to the Lord for the courage of His Son.
nice closing line-
that LOVE be the victory for this still faithful man.
May you be victorious in the path of divine love.
Love the spirituality in tone and content. Nice presentation too.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece. Very helpful... under construction know, lol
Comment from Laura Martin
It's very inspirational and I enjoyed the choice of words. The first verse really took me in. I did feel that the rhythm got interrupted in a few places in the second and third verse. It could be just my personal view, because I'm really strict when it comes to rhythm. Overall it was an enjoyable read and I think it got an important thought across. Very well done.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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It's very inspirational and I enjoyed the choice of words. The first verse really took me in. I did feel that the rhythm got interrupted in a few places in the second and third verse. It could be just my personal view, because I'm really strict when it comes to rhythm. Overall it was an enjoyable read and I think it got an important thought across. Very well done.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece.
Comment from sizemore0409
What a beautiful and thought-provoking poem! Its message to the mind and heart of mankind, its sharp potent imagery and powerful-yet-gentle emotion all weave together wonderfully well, flowing very smoothly through a superb rhyme scheme. Great job! Andy
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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What a beautiful and thought-provoking poem! Its message to the mind and heart of mankind, its sharp potent imagery and powerful-yet-gentle emotion all weave together wonderfully well, flowing very smoothly through a superb rhyme scheme. Great job! Andy
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece.
Comment from donnadiann
The poem doesn't play down pain and suffering, but focuses on it, while also at the same hee time brings in faith in God, by looking at His track record; He doesn't fail , nor leave us. Good message here.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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The poem doesn't play down pain and suffering, but focuses on it, while also at the same hee time brings in faith in God, by looking at His track record; He doesn't fail , nor leave us. Good message here.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your time and effort in reviewing this piece.
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Yes, welcome.
