Our marriage
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "How it started..."Short book about how our marriage started.
55 total reviews
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I had a friend that was brought up in a very protective household. I remember taking her to my sisters house, my sister is eight years older than I, and we had the sex talk with my friend. It is a night I will never forget. My friend, however, found the parties and I heard she had some good times. lol. It's crazy how our up bringings can determine so much of our young adult years.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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I had a friend that was brought up in a very protective household. I remember taking her to my sisters house, my sister is eight years older than I, and we had the sex talk with my friend. It is a night I will never forget. My friend, however, found the parties and I heard she had some good times. lol. It's crazy how our up bringings can determine so much of our young adult years.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kid review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You certainly did have a sheltered life, Ine, but that's not a bad thing. I thought you were very brave going to Corfu on your own. I can't wait to read how you met Robert. I'll have to wait, as you said. Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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You certainly did have a sheltered life, Ine, but that's not a bad thing. I thought you were very brave going to Corfu on your own. I can't wait to read how you met Robert. I'll have to wait, as you said. Well done, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
An good solid introductory instalment to the piece.
Then I slept till lunch time - lunchtime could be a single word here.
I was protesting against the sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people. - maybe a slight rearrangement here to negate the three uses of 'had'. Something like -
I was protesting against my sheltered upbringing. I had a vivid mind...
I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted - this is a little awkward and the meaning is just out of grasp.
Good luck with this
G
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Hi there,
An good solid introductory instalment to the piece.
Then I slept till lunch time - lunchtime could be a single word here.
I was protesting against the sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people. - maybe a slight rearrangement here to negate the three uses of 'had'. Something like -
I was protesting against my sheltered upbringing. I had a vivid mind...
I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted - this is a little awkward and the meaning is just out of grasp.
Good luck with this
G
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine
Comment from karenina
While New here I have read more than a few of the poems documenting your 35 year marriage...and so it is a real treat to read in prose the real story behind how two schoolmates first met!
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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While New here I have read more than a few of the poems documenting your 35 year marriage...and so it is a real treat to read in prose the real story behind how two schoolmates first met!
Karenina
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine
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:)
Comment from jusylee72
I really like your story. It needs to be told. I did find some grammatical errors and some sentence structure problems in the actual writing.
Your first sentence has four different ideas.
1. I was brought up in an overprotective family.
2. I am the eldest daughter.
3. I missed out on the fun side of life.
4. When I went to University, I revolted against my upbringing.
Having been brought up in an overprotective family - especially as I was the eldest daughter - I started making up for missed fun, once I went to university.
Suggestions: These are only suggestions, you will find your best way of saying this.
As the eldest daughter, I grew up in an overprotective family. ( Here I would love to have you describe how they were overprotective)
Next Paragraph
When I went to the University I revolted against my upbringing.
I used to go out three days every weekend. ( I went out three days a week)
Nothing could stop me. ( No one could stop me)
My mother once told me the house was not just a hotel. (Even though my Mother would reprimand me I would not listen.)
In those days( not sure in those days is needed) we (Who is We? Maybe your friends and you?) did not go out till about 10 pm (would go out as late as 10 ) and often came back at 4 or 5 am. Then(Then is not needed) I (would) sleep till (until) lunch time.
When I look back, I was protesting against the sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people. ( How can you say this without three hads in a row).
I hope you understand, I love your story, just reread it and listen to each sentence for clarity. I hope to read what happens next.
Judy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I really like your story. It needs to be told. I did find some grammatical errors and some sentence structure problems in the actual writing.
Your first sentence has four different ideas.
1. I was brought up in an overprotective family.
2. I am the eldest daughter.
3. I missed out on the fun side of life.
4. When I went to University, I revolted against my upbringing.
Having been brought up in an overprotective family - especially as I was the eldest daughter - I started making up for missed fun, once I went to university.
Suggestions: These are only suggestions, you will find your best way of saying this.
As the eldest daughter, I grew up in an overprotective family. ( Here I would love to have you describe how they were overprotective)
Next Paragraph
When I went to the University I revolted against my upbringing.
I used to go out three days every weekend. ( I went out three days a week)
Nothing could stop me. ( No one could stop me)
My mother once told me the house was not just a hotel. (Even though my Mother would reprimand me I would not listen.)
In those days( not sure in those days is needed) we (Who is We? Maybe your friends and you?) did not go out till about 10 pm (would go out as late as 10 ) and often came back at 4 or 5 am. Then(Then is not needed) I (would) sleep till (until) lunch time.
When I look back, I was protesting against the sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people. ( How can you say this without three hads in a row).
I hope you understand, I love your story, just reread it and listen to each sentence for clarity. I hope to read what happens next.
Judy
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine. I will correct later.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is actually quite fascinating. You move along at a good pace, the writing is authentic and we can be assured it will be the unvarnished truth for the most part.
Keep going with this, it's most engaging.
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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This is actually quite fascinating. You move along at a good pace, the writing is authentic and we can be assured it will be the unvarnished truth for the most part.
Keep going with this, it's most engaging.
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks for kind review, ine. Have lovely and blessed Sunday, Ine
Comment from Artasylum
"The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me."
This confused me. I read it and thought the not didn't belong. but, reading it again it is maybe awkward but I get it.
That being said you have given us a fine read. great flow... and fast read. yours, diana
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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"The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me."
This confused me. I read it and thought the not didn't belong. but, reading it again it is maybe awkward but I get it.
That being said you have given us a fine read. great flow... and fast read. yours, diana
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and blessed Sunday.
Comment from mbroyles2
Writing memoirs can be tricky.
You have to decide what would be interesting enough about your life that others would want to read.
I personally love to read about journeys that take place in other countries as I have been strictly limited to the United States.
That's what I find most intriguing about your story.
My only suggestion is that you find an event that was meaningful to you and expound on it.
Tells us how you felt, what you saw, what about it made it so memorable.
Sounds like you are on the right track as you begin your relationship with your husband of thirty-five years.
Michael
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Writing memoirs can be tricky.
You have to decide what would be interesting enough about your life that others would want to read.
I personally love to read about journeys that take place in other countries as I have been strictly limited to the United States.
That's what I find most intriguing about your story.
My only suggestion is that you find an event that was meaningful to you and expound on it.
Tells us how you felt, what you saw, what about it made it so memorable.
Sounds like you are on the right track as you begin your relationship with your husband of thirty-five years.
Michael
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
The first day I decided to go to a museum. An Italian guy joined me. He was not interested in any of the art. When he asked me if we could meet again, I said that we would just wait and see. This really meant that I had no interest whatsoever. He did not know this of course.
That evening Robert and I met for the first time.
For the next developments you have to wait till the next chapter. 'You tease! I want to know what happens next NOW lol...a brilliant write well done love and warmest wihes Meia xx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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The first day I decided to go to a museum. An Italian guy joined me. He was not interested in any of the art. When he asked me if we could meet again, I said that we would just wait and see. This really meant that I had no interest whatsoever. He did not know this of course.
That evening Robert and I met for the first time.
For the next developments you have to wait till the next chapter. 'You tease! I want to know what happens next NOW lol...a brilliant write well done love and warmest wihes Meia xx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and blessed Sunday.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Ine. I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book. You've explained it well and I'm looking forward to reading more. I did see a couple of things to correct:
"I wanted someone who did not (give me) everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me."
and
"They used to be relatively calm; so these holidays were relatively peaceful and decent. (Delete and replace with another word one of the two "relatively" used in this sentence.)
I identify with and like this sentence: "I changed boyfriends more often than shoes."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hi Ine. I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book. You've explained it well and I'm looking forward to reading more. I did see a couple of things to correct:
"I wanted someone who did not (give me) everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me."
and
"They used to be relatively calm; so these holidays were relatively peaceful and decent. (Delete and replace with another word one of the two "relatively" used in this sentence.)
I identify with and like this sentence: "I changed boyfriends more often than shoes."
Marilyn
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good weekend coming. thanks for the tips.
