The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Red Dress chapter twenty three"The story of a teenage girl
12 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
I KNEW he'd be a swine! I got the looks wrong, but I was right about the curly tail. Great chapter. Pig of a man!
I wonder what becomes of the pictures now? Alan should have taken the memory card!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I KNEW he'd be a swine! I got the looks wrong, but I was right about the curly tail. Great chapter. Pig of a man!
I wonder what becomes of the pictures now? Alan should have taken the memory card!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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If you think he's bad now, you ainst seen nothing yet! I'm almost sorry to be catching up with your great reviews but as I am posting the last two chapters later today, I thought I better before they got lost. My thanks for your review. Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
Hot damn girl, this is a wonderful chapter. Your scene by scene with the proper dialog is superb, The interactions between Liam and Lisa is superb. He is a cunning bastard and good old Alan kikked his ass but good. You describe Lisa as if it were yourself. Superb job
Bear
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Hey Alexis
Hot damn girl, this is a wonderful chapter. Your scene by scene with the proper dialog is superb, The interactions between Liam and Lisa is superb. He is a cunning bastard and good old Alan kikked his ass but good. You describe Lisa as if it were yourself. Superb job
Bear
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I'm delighted that your still enjoying it, Bear. Your spot on in your observations, there is a very good reason why this chapter was easy to write. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
I thought something like this was going to happen. Especially since modeling myself there are a lot of sleaze balls out there!
I think you really pulled out the naivety of Lisa, which most girls of seventeen would be. You captured the whole scene splendidly. Well written, great flow and imagery through out.
Alan to the rescue again. I would have liked to see Lisa a bit stronger, but maybe that will come. I've kicked a few "prize bulls" in their jewels...probably still singing soprano...
Wonderful reading my friend, as always you have my heart beating faster as I read the chapter.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
xo
Didn't catch anything off or in need of any work.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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I thought something like this was going to happen. Especially since modeling myself there are a lot of sleaze balls out there!
I think you really pulled out the naivety of Lisa, which most girls of seventeen would be. You captured the whole scene splendidly. Well written, great flow and imagery through out.
Alan to the rescue again. I would have liked to see Lisa a bit stronger, but maybe that will come. I've kicked a few "prize bulls" in their jewels...probably still singing soprano...
Wonderful reading my friend, as always you have my heart beating faster as I read the chapter.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
xo
Didn't catch anything off or in need of any work.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Well, I suppose she'll sink or swim, just like the rest of us! Hoping you are good, and the migraines are being kept at bay. Love Ya, BC xxx
Comment from Malerie
Poor little naive Lisa; she's just a kid and it really shows in this chapter. Does someone always have to rescue her. It appears that people are only interested in her for her looks. Even Nick had fallen for her as a kid and Richard fell in love with a picture. I really hope Lisa matures soon; thanks again. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Poor little naive Lisa; she's just a kid and it really shows in this chapter. Does someone always have to rescue her. It appears that people are only interested in her for her looks. Even Nick had fallen for her as a kid and Richard fell in love with a picture. I really hope Lisa matures soon; thanks again. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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For a little while longer, I'm afraid! Just wait till she's 18....it gets worse.... Thank you for your continued support and reviews, I really appreciate them. Alexis x
Comment from AlexAX
I thought something like this would happen, make her feel like she has no other choice and that he is doing her a favor, then make a move when he had the chance. You wrote this scene really well, the pace was good, great dialogue and I think Allan could of kicked him some more LOL The only thing is they didn't take or destroy the photos. Just great! Alex :)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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I thought something like this would happen, make her feel like she has no other choice and that he is doing her a favor, then make a move when he had the chance. You wrote this scene really well, the pace was good, great dialogue and I think Allan could of kicked him some more LOL The only thing is they didn't take or destroy the photos. Just great! Alex :)
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Ah, you have picked up on something that might rear it's ugly head in the future. Well done! Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
Lisa was relieved to see that the few lights that were on, focused on the white stage, not the bed./Great observation----She stared at them wondering what to do for the best./Did you mean rest? Best doesn't fit here.----You have produced and surprised the reader with this great action scene. While you set this up with previous hints of danger to come, I wasn't sure what would happen. You wrote it with just enough credibility to Liam that I was taken by surprise. Being a reader is sure different from being the writer. You pulled it off professionally.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Lisa was relieved to see that the few lights that were on, focused on the white stage, not the bed./Great observation----She stared at them wondering what to do for the best./Did you mean rest? Best doesn't fit here.----You have produced and surprised the reader with this great action scene. While you set this up with previous hints of danger to come, I wasn't sure what would happen. You wrote it with just enough credibility to Liam that I was taken by surprise. Being a reader is sure different from being the writer. You pulled it off professionally.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I think it must be an English expression 'I don't know what to do for the best.'This scene was easy to write because it happened to me, and I cringe at my naivety at the time.Unfortunately I didn't have an Alan, but fortunately there were no hand cuffs, and I had legs that could run pretty damned fast! Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it.
Comment from debskatz
Hi alexis,
Guess what? No spag that I could find!! And the story was so absorbing, there might have been some but who cares? I really enjoyed it. Very tantilizing & what you'd expect from an asshole photographer. Geez... Too bad Alan didn't kick his balls completely off.
Great chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Hi alexis,
Guess what? No spag that I could find!! And the story was so absorbing, there might have been some but who cares? I really enjoyed it. Very tantilizing & what you'd expect from an asshole photographer. Geez... Too bad Alan didn't kick his balls completely off.
Great chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I still keep giggling when I read this review, and have deliberately left it till last so that I can read it every time I'm replying to other reviews. Never mind, I'm sure you will have me giggling in the future! My HUGE thanks for this, and the wonderful six. Alexis x
Comment from Bojenn
The erotica left with the ending. I think I would change it rather than Alan saving her. Also, some of your sentences ended in prepositions.
Other than these 2 suggestions, I liked the story. Very erotic.
Creative indeed.
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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The erotica left with the ending. I think I would change it rather than Alan saving her. Also, some of your sentences ended in prepositions.
Other than these 2 suggestions, I liked the story. Very erotic.
Creative indeed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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You will find if you research the internet that sentences ending in prepositions are now regarded as very much part of all progressive writers work. As to your suggestions that a girl should have been raped, instead of saved, this is a little worrying.
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Sorry if I offended you. Yes, I at almost 60, am still an amateur. Perhaps, it was the tease that was the let-down... No offense, but one can't always be a 6 star, just as though not all will like my work. I do not comment on any work unless I like it Alexis...
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Hey and Alexis, I do understand jealous critiques. I've had a few myself. Like I wrote, If I don't like something, I skip, pass the opportunity to review. I reviewed yours. I must have liked it enough to say something.
Bonnie
Comment from rwilliam
WHOA.... what a twist. Shew, this poor girl. I feel bad for her and yet, unfortunately I can relate, as I am sure many of your readers will also.
I used to feel like I walked around with a sign on my back for every creep and bad thing to happen to come to me.
Great writing. You have me hanging onto my seat waiting to see what's going to happen next.
Darn, I so wanted her to prove her brother wrong! :-(
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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WHOA.... what a twist. Shew, this poor girl. I feel bad for her and yet, unfortunately I can relate, as I am sure many of your readers will also.
I used to feel like I walked around with a sign on my back for every creep and bad thing to happen to come to me.
Great writing. You have me hanging onto my seat waiting to see what's going to happen next.
Darn, I so wanted her to prove her brother wrong! :-(
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I know, what is it about big brothers? Hopefully posting chapters 26 and 27 later today. I hope you enjoy them. Alexis x
Comment from James McCorkle
I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen Alexis, but again you drew out the drama so skillfully that it all seemed so natural. Liam was just a dirty old man playing a young girl along. WEll done again. James.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen Alexis, but again you drew out the drama so skillfully that it all seemed so natural. Liam was just a dirty old man playing a young girl along. WEll done again. James.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Thank you, James. Sadly, there are a lot of them about, and a lot of 'Lisas' out there who are gullible enough to believe them.Alexis x
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Looking forward to your next brilliant story. James