The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "The Red Dress chapter twenty nine"The story of a teenage girl
14 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
How did you come up with this clever plot spin off to have the girls trying to get Nick and Lisa back together without knowing the entire story. I chalk it up to their immature Romeo and Juliet notions of love.
You are being AWFUL for not letting the reader know how Alan is. Shame on you!!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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How did you come up with this clever plot spin off to have the girls trying to get Nick and Lisa back together without knowing the entire story. I chalk it up to their immature Romeo and Juliet notions of love.
You are being AWFUL for not letting the reader know how Alan is. Shame on you!!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Funnily enough because I was actually at that bloody (loved it really!) school for a year and those daft cows (loved them too!) did something pretty similar to this! Yes, of course it's fiction! Gulp...
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
You sure do cliff hanging well. So the team is back together and I see a cat fight brewing. Lisa best watch her back. You have such a grand ability to hold your readers at bay all the while keeing them at hand. Nicely done
Bear
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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Hey Alexis
You sure do cliff hanging well. So the team is back together and I see a cat fight brewing. Lisa best watch her back. You have such a grand ability to hold your readers at bay all the while keeing them at hand. Nicely done
Bear
Comment Written 06-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2012
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No cat fights, but certainly a lot of confusion! Thank you so much for reviewing, Bear. It is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
alexis, sorry, but I got way behind so am not going to review the chapters in between, though I did read them to keep up with the story
the letter from her est[r]anged fiancee, made Lisa a very
Now her love started turning to anger because[,] if it hadn't, she would have fallen apart.
As the week went on[,] she became more resigned to the fact that it was useless,
They realised that they couldn't take the pieces out until Wednesday[] when the bins were usually emptied from each room.
When they got it back to Amy's room[,] they took out the bits of paper and hid them in a bag at the back of her wardrobe. By the time they got down to breakfast[,]
Lisa was on her way back,
When Lisa got back to her bedroom[,] she didn't notice anything amiss[. I]n fact she didn't notice anything at all as[since] she was too busy, yet again, trying
to call Alan's mobile.
When they had all read the letter[,] they looked at each other searching for something to say.
"Trust you[,] Veronique, just because you've had sex, you think everything, including love, is based on a man's performance."
Can we get [the] off the subject of this poor guy's performance? This is serious."
She still wanted to speak to him [if] that was the case, [if] only to say a final goodbye. --- See if you can rewrite using only one "if" clause. maybe "in that case?"
Roberta
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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alexis, sorry, but I got way behind so am not going to review the chapters in between, though I did read them to keep up with the story
the letter from her est[r]anged fiancee, made Lisa a very
Now her love started turning to anger because[,] if it hadn't, she would have fallen apart.
As the week went on[,] she became more resigned to the fact that it was useless,
They realised that they couldn't take the pieces out until Wednesday[] when the bins were usually emptied from each room.
When they got it back to Amy's room[,] they took out the bits of paper and hid them in a bag at the back of her wardrobe. By the time they got down to breakfast[,]
Lisa was on her way back,
When Lisa got back to her bedroom[,] she didn't notice anything amiss[. I]n fact she didn't notice anything at all as[since] she was too busy, yet again, trying
to call Alan's mobile.
When they had all read the letter[,] they looked at each other searching for something to say.
"Trust you[,] Veronique, just because you've had sex, you think everything, including love, is based on a man's performance."
Can we get [the] off the subject of this poor guy's performance? This is serious."
She still wanted to speak to him [if] that was the case, [if] only to say a final goodbye. --- See if you can rewrite using only one "if" clause. maybe "in that case?"
Roberta
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Roberta. I'm so glad that there are fewer than usual (or are you just being kind?)One day I'll get it right, promise! Alexis x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa's roommates take matters into their own hands and are going to call nick...
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa's roommates take matters into their own hands and are going to call nick...
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Unfortunately their meddling could create a lot of problems. Only time will tell. Many thanks for yet another lovely review.
Comment from Malerie
Well, well, "The Team" have made up their minds; they are intrigued with Nick. Lisa better be on guard. I can see Nick finding Lisa and perhaps Lisa will give him a chance since she can't get in touch with Alan. I know Lisa and Alan are not over; can't wait to see what's in store; keep writing; I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Well, well, "The Team" have made up their minds; they are intrigued with Nick. Lisa better be on guard. I can see Nick finding Lisa and perhaps Lisa will give him a chance since she can't get in touch with Alan. I know Lisa and Alan are not over; can't wait to see what's in store; keep writing; I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Yes, the team have a lot to answer for, but hey? what are pals for? I know you understand! Alexis x
Comment from peggles
This is an enjoyable story
The image completely complements the story
I think you have a good material for a full novel
Keep on writing it
I like the characters so far they are convincing
Looking forward to more
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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This is an enjoyable story
The image completely complements the story
I think you have a good material for a full novel
Keep on writing it
I like the characters so far they are convincing
Looking forward to more
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for reviewing and giving your encouragement, it means a lot. Alexis x
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I'm so glad you are enjoying it. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
Congratulations! This is first perfect chapter you've written from a punctuation point. Also, the way you are setting Lisa up for another encounter with Nick is masterful. Just like a good book should, this rendering so far has many twists and turns. The reader is constantly off balance. Great stuff.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Congratulations! This is first perfect chapter you've written from a punctuation point. Also, the way you are setting Lisa up for another encounter with Nick is masterful. Just like a good book should, this rendering so far has many twists and turns. The reader is constantly off balance. Great stuff.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Phew(!) Glad to say that these chapters are the 'glue' to lead on to more exciting times. It's great fun going back and editing now I've learnt a bit more. Thank you, yet again, for all your help. Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
I like the way you understand women. They just might come to a conclusion without having all of the facts. Life can look so different from the full story. We can remember that when things don't seem right or fair in our own lives. We don't understand the complexity of it all. Excellent and very captivating writing;) Love, Lisa
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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I like the way you understand women. They just might come to a conclusion without having all of the facts. Life can look so different from the full story. We can remember that when things don't seem right or fair in our own lives. We don't understand the complexity of it all. Excellent and very captivating writing;) Love, Lisa
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Yes, I think we are 'sisters' in that respect. I believe that's why you understand what I write so well. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh no, calling of Nick a big boo boo....and why hasn't smart girl Lisa put her egg noodles together and thought accident.??
One point I need help on, are you trying to have the conversations between the girls as if they would be from teenagers? I know teenagers can be a bit loose in vocab, but you started 8 sentences with the word "well"??
Is "well" part of the "and"or "that" party? I wasn't sure if you were aiming to be linguistic with the teenagers if so I don't think it came across.
Chapter went well but keep a look out for too much repetition, of the same words used.
Still a great chapter with some minor fixes.
Thanks for sharing.:) I'm still hanging by a thread over Alan.....:)
Maureen
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Oh no, calling of Nick a big boo boo....and why hasn't smart girl Lisa put her egg noodles together and thought accident.??
One point I need help on, are you trying to have the conversations between the girls as if they would be from teenagers? I know teenagers can be a bit loose in vocab, but you started 8 sentences with the word "well"??
Is "well" part of the "and"or "that" party? I wasn't sure if you were aiming to be linguistic with the teenagers if so I don't think it came across.
Chapter went well but keep a look out for too much repetition, of the same words used.
Still a great chapter with some minor fixes.
Thanks for sharing.:) I'm still hanging by a thread over Alan.....:)
Maureen
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Lol, Yep, I'd already been told of on that one, you're absolutely right! Live for your reviews, thank you, Alexis x
Comment from debskatz
Hey alexis,
Oh, my, God. They're going to call Nick? Well, that oughta be interesting! Why the hell hasn't Lisa called somebody else? Jesus! And when are you going to have her find out? Does his parents even know? Hurry it up, woman!
Spag. You're going to see you're trying to develop a new pattern. NIP IT IN THE BUD!!
"Well(,) I think it is important,
"Well(,) Lisa's Scottish,
"You don't think he's going to top himself(,) do you?"
He's a grown man of thirty(-)three,
"Well(,) I'm going to sleep
"Well(,) that wouldn't be
"Well(,) I think we have
I think you see the pattern. You need to be careful about starting so many sentences with "well."
Great chapter! Expecting more tomorrow!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Hey alexis,
Oh, my, God. They're going to call Nick? Well, that oughta be interesting! Why the hell hasn't Lisa called somebody else? Jesus! And when are you going to have her find out? Does his parents even know? Hurry it up, woman!
Spag. You're going to see you're trying to develop a new pattern. NIP IT IN THE BUD!!
"Well(,) I think it is important,
"Well(,) Lisa's Scottish,
"You don't think he's going to top himself(,) do you?"
He's a grown man of thirty(-)three,
"Well(,) I'm going to sleep
"Well(,) that wouldn't be
"Well(,) I think we have
I think you see the pattern. You need to be careful about starting so many sentences with "well."
Great chapter! Expecting more tomorrow!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for pointing that out. Hopefully I've edited enough to get rid of a few of those 'Wells' Another alert to add to my editing list. Thank you! Alexis x
