Smile
What makes you smile?6 total reviews
Comment from Solacium Mariae
Well I can't read the poem and have the song at the same time, but you've written a beautiful and simple poem here.
Lips curled up at the corners
decorate a thankless day,
wrapping friendship around
lonely hearts and altering moods.
lips curled - creative phrase, the assonance of the l's is nice
A smile like a present - with a bow that's curled decorating a package that's been wrapped...excellent!
A smile can evaporate a welling tear
before it streams down the souls canvas,
staining the vibrant pigments
that breathes life into a spirit.
the face our canvas - very nice
(soul's)
I thought the smile was breathing life into a spirit, but now when I take a second look at this, it's not what I get.
I also like your reference to painting not only with the canvas, but also with the pigments
A smile coaxes music from a silent instrument
offers trust to the broken and scarred,
it drips its healing nectar
on the open sores of the world.
the suffering soul a silent instrument - too often it's true
and of course, to conclude with the soothing balm
Simply Beautiful.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Well I can't read the poem and have the song at the same time, but you've written a beautiful and simple poem here.
Lips curled up at the corners
decorate a thankless day,
wrapping friendship around
lonely hearts and altering moods.
lips curled - creative phrase, the assonance of the l's is nice
A smile like a present - with a bow that's curled decorating a package that's been wrapped...excellent!
A smile can evaporate a welling tear
before it streams down the souls canvas,
staining the vibrant pigments
that breathes life into a spirit.
the face our canvas - very nice
(soul's)
I thought the smile was breathing life into a spirit, but now when I take a second look at this, it's not what I get.
I also like your reference to painting not only with the canvas, but also with the pigments
A smile coaxes music from a silent instrument
offers trust to the broken and scarred,
it drips its healing nectar
on the open sores of the world.
the suffering soul a silent instrument - too often it's true
and of course, to conclude with the soothing balm
Simply Beautiful.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much for the kind, detailed review. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your fresh imagery about the power of the smile, from its ability to "decorate a thankless day" to its capacity to coax "music from a silent instrument." Well said! -Joan
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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I enjoyed your fresh imagery about the power of the smile, from its ability to "decorate a thankless day" to its capacity to coax "music from a silent instrument." Well said! -Joan
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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Thank you. Have a great week end.
Comment from jshep
this was a lovely read. Nice flow and a wonderful message of the importance of a smile. It can warm the heart of stranger, just a simple smile. I especially liked your last stanza:
A smile coaxes music from a silent instrument
offers trust to the broken and scarred,
it drips its healing nectar
on the open sores of the world.
No suggestions for improvement.
a great job and best of luck. :)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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this was a lovely read. Nice flow and a wonderful message of the importance of a smile. It can warm the heart of stranger, just a simple smile. I especially liked your last stanza:
A smile coaxes music from a silent instrument
offers trust to the broken and scarred,
it drips its healing nectar
on the open sores of the world.
No suggestions for improvement.
a great job and best of luck. :)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
I like the consonance of P, hard C, R and D sounds in your first stanza.
lovely alliterative grouping of S sounds in your second stanza.
Excellent consonance and alliteration in the final stanza too :-)
Fantastic imagery throughout, but I particularly love the music coaxed from a silent instrument.
What a moving, beautiful tribute to the power of the smile :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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I like the consonance of P, hard C, R and D sounds in your first stanza.
lovely alliterative grouping of S sounds in your second stanza.
Excellent consonance and alliteration in the final stanza too :-)
Fantastic imagery throughout, but I particularly love the music coaxed from a silent instrument.
What a moving, beautiful tribute to the power of the smile :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind detailed review.
Comment from Rose Hearth
Uncle Kracker!!! This song has a very personal meaning to me. Your free verse is a wonderful example of the power of a smile! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Uncle Kracker!!! This song has a very personal meaning to me. Your free verse is a wonderful example of the power of a smile! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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thanks for reviewing.
Comment from RalphNater
Great poem and I absolutely love the message. I think we all need to smile a bit more. I really like the term "silent instrument" It really is how we play that matters. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Great poem and I absolutely love the message. I think we all need to smile a bit more. I really like the term "silent instrument" It really is how we play that matters. Nicely done.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2012
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Thanks for the kind review.
