Cookie Snatching And Stealing
A rhyming short story for children34 total reviews
Comment from Humbly K
A good and enjoyable read from start to finish. Brilliantly well written and good structure and layout. Most of all I especially liked the nice and coherent rhyming with a good rhythm.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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A good and enjoyable read from start to finish. Brilliantly well written and good structure and layout. Most of all I especially liked the nice and coherent rhyming with a good rhythm.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the six ..much appreciated
Comment from jmdg1954
I like the themes of your poetry/stories.
They take into account issues that sometimes overwhelms kids, or make them do things to be accepted.
I'm going to defer any corrections to others because I am not the one to do that.
This is another poem to be used for instructing.
John
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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I like the themes of your poetry/stories.
They take into account issues that sometimes overwhelms kids, or make them do things to be accepted.
I'm going to defer any corrections to others because I am not the one to do that.
This is another poem to be used for instructing.
John
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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thanks much
Comment from Baelien
The idea behind your poem is great. I giggled the whole way through. This cookie stealer really doesn't have a choice....he HAS to steal!
The only thing that distracted me a little was the fact that you repeatedly used the same words to rhyme with in most of the poem. Maybe if it was only the cookie snatcher's own lines that rhymed with 'stealing' it would have been better. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself very well. So, maybe the narrator's lines could have all rhymed with 'spilling' and the snatcher's lines with 'stealing'? Let me know if this makes sense.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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The idea behind your poem is great. I giggled the whole way through. This cookie stealer really doesn't have a choice....he HAS to steal!
The only thing that distracted me a little was the fact that you repeatedly used the same words to rhyme with in most of the poem. Maybe if it was only the cookie snatcher's own lines that rhymed with 'stealing' it would have been better. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself very well. So, maybe the narrator's lines could have all rhymed with 'spilling' and the snatcher's lines with 'stealing'? Let me know if this makes sense.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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Thanks...please look at fan pages guidelines for reviewing for future reference
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Sorry, I think I might have offended you. I will look.
Comment from JennLikestoWrite
I like how you wrote this. There was a important message to this story. The cookie thief had to learn that stealing was wrong. I liked in the end he learned a lesson that he could so something else beside stealing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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I like how you wrote this. There was a important message to this story. The cookie thief had to learn that stealing was wrong. I liked in the end he learned a lesson that he could so something else beside stealing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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Thanks...please look at fan pages guidelines for reviewing for future reference
Comment from Tony93
It has the fast pace to keep children´s attention, and a nice message behind the story. My only advice qould be that in the line ""I got one problem, that I've been concealing." maybe it would fit better "I do have one problem, that Ive been concealing", just my opinion, great story.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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It has the fast pace to keep children´s attention, and a nice message behind the story. My only advice qould be that in the line ""I got one problem, that I've been concealing." maybe it would fit better "I do have one problem, that Ive been concealing", just my opinion, great story.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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Thanks...please look at fan pages guidelines for reviewing for future reference
Comment from Littlegirl38732
Cute and catchy. I enjoyed reading.it to my babies and they giggled as I read it to them. You did a great job on it. Thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Cute and catchy. I enjoyed reading.it to my babies and they giggled as I read it to them. You did a great job on it. Thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thanks much
Comment from Glasstruth
Nice take on the constant rhyming of stealing, etc... I think the yellow background isn't needed. I know who's speaking without that. Also, there's one rhyme that's there just for the sake of rhyming, "unfeeling" doesn't make sense when you state "I don't know about you but I get the feeling," I would work on that one. Overall, very creative and uniquely written. Les
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Nice take on the constant rhyming of stealing, etc... I think the yellow background isn't needed. I know who's speaking without that. Also, there's one rhyme that's there just for the sake of rhyming, "unfeeling" doesn't make sense when you state "I don't know about you but I get the feeling," I would work on that one. Overall, very creative and uniquely written. Les
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thanks Much
Comment from writing2inspire
I like your cute children's poem. You have some grammatical errors. You put commas after "problem" and "anytime", between "you" and "snatching" you should put "are" or some other helping verb. I suppose you could write grammatical errors off as poetic license. Your switch from different points of views would be better handle with "he said" or "I said" instead of with yellow highlighter, but for children's poems, I've been told switching points of view is best avoided entirely.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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I like your cute children's poem. You have some grammatical errors. You put commas after "problem" and "anytime", between "you" and "snatching" you should put "are" or some other helping verb. I suppose you could write grammatical errors off as poetic license. Your switch from different points of views would be better handle with "he said" or "I said" instead of with yellow highlighter, but for children's poems, I've been told switching points of view is best avoided entirely.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thanks Much
Comment from 4tulips
I believe your story is too advanced for children. There are many words that they will not understand. I think if you keep it simple they will be able to follow the story better. It sounds fun between the big words. A children's rhyming story has to keep their attention for them to stay and envision what the story is about. I hope this helps.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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I believe your story is too advanced for children. There are many words that they will not understand. I think if you keep it simple they will be able to follow the story better. It sounds fun between the big words. A children's rhyming story has to keep their attention for them to stay and envision what the story is about. I hope this helps.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thanks I'll change the whole story...your right
Comment from Khione Lock
this was a fun and youthful rhyme, one that would be perfect for children; especially the ones that love cookies (well, I guess that means all. Haha!) excellent job.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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this was a fun and youthful rhyme, one that would be perfect for children; especially the ones that love cookies (well, I guess that means all. Haha!) excellent job.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Thanks Much
